Mythology - Seven Drunken Nights

This always makes me giggle...I love Celtic Thunder

Getting Straight

As of October, I had lost my job.  It is alright since I believe that things will be better in the future.  I will continue to search out a better life than I had and hope that whatever I do choose in the future is the right path.

I am beginning to clear out my world and my life so that I can once again be who I really need to be...myself.

I have to search for a new job, but I am looking forward to it, but until then, I must keep the faith.

I will be writing more in the near future!

Changes Coming

I begin the new changes tomorrow morning.  I am looking forward to this, and I know I will have some difficulty in doing some of it, but I know it will take time to do.

I will begin with the things that are important to myself personally...getting rid of the damage done by the sun and my pores. I am tired of looking at that in the mirror.  I am using Clinique's skin care line.

I am also going to concentrate on my teeth, making sure that they get healthier so that I will be confindent when I get my dental work done that I won't screw up this time.

The next phase will be to get my hair back to its normal shine and vitality.  I sweat at work and that does some damage to my hair also.  I want to get rid of the dullness, so I have stuff to use that is cheaper but effective and something I always used, Aussie 3 Minute Miracle three days a week, and their shampoos and conditioners.  I love this as much as the Clinique because it works very well.  

I will also be using Sally Hansen's products to grow and strengthen my nails and her cuticle massage cream to condition my cuticles so they aren't so ragged.  I am also using Cortizone for my psoriasis (ears and left hand), and Avon's Silicone Glove to soften and moisturize my hands to make them look better.

This will be my morning and evening routines when I get up and when I go to bed at night.  Once the routines for this are established, I think I will be alright. The stuff I am doing and using are things I have used in the past and I am comfortable with, so all should be well on that front along with my normal everyday body wash and using.

All of my bills are caught up, so I only need to get myself on a bill paying schedule that is organized and keep the electric bill down to a manageable size through the winter.  I think I can do that. It will just take a little effort to make all of this happen.

The next steps to take will be to read the books on self improvement.  I did start Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, but had put it down for some unknown reason, but I plan to pick it up and read it this week.  I also have a few other books that are self improvement based that will help me as well...I think I have one on positive assertiveness that should work fine.

I am not sure how I wish to take the spiritual journey, but I have some ideas including devotionals that should help.

I do need to finish cleaning my home and getting things ready for my daily routines that start tomorrow morning.  It is not a hugely daunting task, but I just need to get into a routine there too so it won't be so bad.

I will also find time to write.  This is my true desire in life.  I want to become a writer and to do that I must WRITE as I have stated before.  I am going to start by practicing, but I need to get into that habit first.

Wish me luck...

Karma Is My Friend

I got my new phone!!

I love it so far, but figuring it out is taking a lot of time!  It is all touch screen, and I am not used to that, I used to have a flip style phone that opened up to a keyboard...now I have to rotate the phone to get the keyboard to be normal for me.  You should see the typos!  Oh my!

I am still getting my apps in, but I will have them soon enough.  

I have somehow managed to snag a three day weekend for Labor Day.  I don't know how that happened, but I am not complaining and I will take advantage of it to the fullest!

The woman at work who thought she could bully me has finally found out how Karma works...she has hit rock bottom...unfortunately, we all knew what the root of all of her problems were:  alcohol.

She is getting help now.  For how long, we don't know, but her family has finally agreed to help her temporarily with her financial situation in exchange for her getting help with alcohol...I know what it is like to be that close to alcoholism, so I am cutting her a lot of slack this week when the personality disorder hits.  I will wish her luck and hope she takes advantage of this, but I am not getting involved with the situation.  

Either way, Karma showed her what she needed to do to change her situations and improve herself.  She will find soon that once she starts on her path and fixes all that she has broken she will have a better and fuller life.  I will still protect myself from her and those at work who are the same way, but I will not go any further than that.

I am planning changes in my own life for next week...they will begin Sunday.  I will blog about them soon.

Phones, Attitudes, Life LOL

I called my phone carrier about the problems with my phone and to find out how much more I had to pay on it, and it wasn't much...well, the customer service representative helped me do something cool and cheap.

We switched things out and I am getting a new phone this week.  It will be nice too.  I will be eligible to get a new phone every 6 months instead of 2 years on an upgrade without changing my plan.

I am not a lover of technology, but this new phone-a Galaxy S4 looks awesome and more productive in the long run.  I can't wait to get it.

I have been doing a bit of research on it and on how to use it and it seems like there is so much more that can be done.  It even has stuff for health and other things...way cool.

Work isn't as great as it should be, but what can I say?  I think most of it is the weather, but I am not deluding myself, I know it is the personalities of the people I work with.  

I also think it is the ignorance of the people I work with.  I will just stay with it until things improve.

The boss said that if I can improve on two areas, I could possibly move up in the company since I already have the great attitude (hmmm...that is odd, a great attitude, something my last job said sucked for me, weird) and the ambition to move up and do more, but it was in the area of efficiency and quality that I needed to work on, and she knows I have only been at this a while and it is hard to get at top speed in the short amount of time I have been there because I started from scratch.  She also said she would help work with me if I need the help. I only need help on one thing now, and that is speed on pressing pants...that will come when I get more opportunities to press in that area.

I have also averaged my hours out since I started to be at 37...more than some who started before me, but closer to full time than anyone realizes.  I haven't said anything about this because I know that people will be very upset when they find out and take it out on me and complain...what am I supposed to do about the fact that many of them don't want to work extra hours?  They don't want to come in on their off days or stay a little later every day, how is that my problem?

It isn't something I am going to worry about because it is not my problem.  I am just going to continue to do what I have to do to get where I need to there, or start quietly searching for a new job soon.  I really don't want another job, but if I have to, I will.

Either way, I need to tune out everyone and their problems and complaining at work.  They are affecting the way I think some days to.  I don't want to be like that...ever

Tired Of The Heat

I am not happy still with my job, but I am determined to try.  

I am not sure if it is the heat, but everyone seems to be on edge there and people are having problems with everything.

I am so tired of the way life has gone, and I know I need to change many things in the future, but I am in the planning stages for right now!

I wish September were here already.  I miss the fall.  

My phone is driving me crazy these days.  I don't know why, but the battery isn't holding a charge anymore...then again, I am using a cheap charger because Emma chewed through the old one...but still, it does that even when I give it enough time to charge.

Emma is growing by leaps and bounds. She is 2 years old and still acts like a kitten, she is funny and fun...though it can drive a person nuts when they are tired and sweaty from their job lol

All will be well for her and for me.  We will just have to work together to get through her kitty diva phase.

Life

It looks like I am going to have to up my protection against people I work with.

I don't know why people are purposely doing the things they do.  It is getting so bad that I am looking for other places to go during  breaks so I don't have to be around the people who are stabbing others in the back and those who are constantly complaining about it all. It gets harder to deal with on a daily basis.

I don't understand why these people are the way they are, it amazes me!  This just means I have to make my protection stronger against them.

I have been working hard on getting my apartment cleaned.  Each week this month I am going to be working on as much of it as I can so that by September 1 it will be clutter free.  This is hard, but I am getting through it one day at a time.

The bedroom will take up most of the time since there is a lot of stuff in there, but I am determined to get it done.

I have a new show I like.  Cougar Town.  I love this show so far.  It stars Courtney Cox as a 40 something divorcee with good friends and a lot of fun times.  I like it so far.  I am still borrowing most of the first three seasons from the library, but it is fun to watch this show.

Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series is being made into a television series too so I am looking forward to that, but trying to get my bills paid so I can get cable to watch it next spring.  They already hired a good Jamie and we are looking forward to seeing who they get to play his Claire.

I am doing a re-read of the series and am on the first book so far.  I am having fun with it.

By September 1 all of my bills will be caught up to where they need to be...which will be on a normal level for all the bills.  I won't be starting fresh, but I will have them caught up.  I am happy about that.

Have a great Sunday!

General Stuff Right

I have been on a cleaning spree lately.  I don't know why.  I just got up on Sunday and decided that I was done with it all.  Maybe that is what it took to get me motivated to get started.  

It is a well known fact that a clean home is less depressing, especially for single people.  I don't know  why but  looking at something that isn't going to clean itself is very depressing.

I have the major part of the work done, so I am in a great place so far.

Things are going alright lately, but I can't help but wonder when things are going to blow up for a certain friend and the lies being told.

It makes me wonder why people are like the are.

Welcome To The New Prince of Cambridge!!!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to congratulate the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the arrival of the new Prince of Cambridge.

Born at 4:24 pm, weighing in at 8 lbs, 6 oz.!

Prince William, we have watched you from the day YOU were born and this is the happiest of days, your mother is smiling down on you as is the rest of the world!!

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2013/07/22/the-royal-baby-has-arrived/2416235/

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

Getting There

Forgive me for not being here recently, I intended to blog on Wednesday which was my day off but I was called in to work and I need the money.  I INTENDED to blog yesterday but after six days of straight work all I did was come in, watched a movie and had something to eat, slept five hours then got up to finish said movie, took a shower then went back to sleep another ten hours.  I was wiped out this week.

There hasn't been much going on recently.  I spent most of the week trying to conserve my energies for work.  

I have a new friend who challenged me in writing the other night.  She was fantastic!  I needed that a lot.  Granted the writing challenge came in the form of erotica, but the boost inspired me in many ways to begin working again.  

While this friend inspires me to write better and stronger, she also challenges me and helps me in writing.  I still haven't started working on what I need to do, but I am better equipped.

Over the course of the next few weeks  I am going to learn to better organize my online time so that I am better at getting online to blog, write and do the things that I need to do to make life better all around for myself.

I have talked about organization a lot in past posts and I have been making great progress in that department.  

The next phase of my organization is to throw away things that are no longer useful for my life and all of the old papers that seem to accumulate in my little apartment.  I have this pack rat mentality when it comes to paperwork.  I don't know why I have to keep every piece of paper that comes into my hands.  This is the next step...and will be done this week.

I am getting there!

***By the way, I am working slowly towards my 200th post!

Taking Care Of Business Fae Style!

It happened.  The woman at work pushed it to the breaking point on Friday afternoon.

Rather than crying, and going on to let it get to me.  I did get upset, went home calmed myself down and went to work yesterday determined to NOT let anything get to me and do my job...with a twist.

One of the ladies who was witnessing the situation and how it was handled was with me when I went to management, along with a few others who had witnessed or heard about the issues all week.  It will be taken care of, and I let it be known that I will no longer be a victim of this kind of verbal attack.

I used the words "harassing", "targeting", "abusive", "bullying",  and "rude" to get my point across. The manager looked at me with bug eyes.  She did try to see if the problem lie with me as well, but when the witness defended me by stating exactly WHAT the bully was doing, she backed off of me and I admitted that yes, there may have been an issue with the way I was doing things, but that did not constitute being talked to like garbage...that the other woman could easily have come to me and spoke to me with common courtesy and basic human dignity.  The witness defended me in a way that was humbling and quite frankly, like a loyal friend even though we are not friends.

I have a feeling I be at work tomorrow and the bully will either ignore me or come to me crying and apologizing.  Either way, I will accept whichever  happens and do my job.  That is what I am there for, and I will work to the best of my ability.

Friday, I was helped by fellow co-workers throughout the afternoon and they treated me with such kindness and compassion, I see the basic differences from the past.  I feel very good about working with them, and vow that I will constantly treat them as team members and with the same kindness and compassion they have shown me.  They have come to the point where they work together and they are good together, even when one or another gets on nerves at times.

As of this moment, all that I learned from my last job and from Laura Stamps has started to pay off and become a benefit to me personally and I am ready to face whatever happens and not quit this job because of one person who has NO authority.

I have been doing my morning empowerment and protection rituals, but added in the use of a rune for protection and it seems to be helping a lot!  This helps me to make sure I take matters in my own hands and NOT allow others to overpower me again!

I will no longer blog about this incident because there will be no need of it in the future because it is taken care of and over with.

I will not think about it or work when I clock out and go home anymore either, it has been clogging my creative spirit and I cannot live with that anymore...and I won't.  I need to do what is needed to be ME and that place is just an income source and not worth the extra worry.

Blessed be

Using Wisdoms From The Past For The Present.

This week is becoming a week of learning to keep myself quiet about certain things and protecting myself from negative energies and bullies.

I have been dealing with one at work who is determined to try to make me look like a fool and is bullying me personally at work.  She is someone to whom I will never voice my own personal opinion about at work, on company property or with anyone I work with (except the only one I trust to keep it to himself) because it could get me in trouble OR it will make me exactly like she is in a lot of ways.

Here it is:  She is an ignorant, lazy, suck up of a human being who finds fault with others because she doesn't want to see that she is basically trash herself.  She wants the boss to see the bad in others so she doesn't see the bad in  herself.  She has no filter on her mouth, and someday very soon she may lose her job because of the abusive things she says to me and a few others.   She is jealous of a lot of people there...on is a beautiful and quiet young Mexican woman who does her job and more because she wants to work.

I don't understand why this girl is the way she is, she can change herself if she wants to.  I know she has children and she is overweight, but still you can change many things about yourself without doing damage to others....yes, she can loose weight, but she can fix her attitude so that she can be happy...she can work hard to try to learn new things (she was in college but she quit for a while) to improve your mind and you can always smile more and find things to enjoy about life-her children, her new boyfriend, she has a job, she is healthy...instead, she chooses to drink, leave her kids to roam the streets while she naps and find ways to bring others down.  I know she is in her early thirties, and she has time to learn, but I fear this one will not learn anything in her life because she has already been taught to look at the positive in the world and put it down!

The other situation isn't a bullying one, but keeping quiet.  The situation is between two friends, and I know the real truth, but I am not going to say anything because I am afraid that if I do, it will all come back on me and I will lose them both.  If I let the one discover the truth about the other, and be there for them both, it may be easier.  I still believe these two can be good for each other, and that once this comes out (which I am surprised that it didn't come out when they got together), and they work through it everything will be alright. This isn't about infidelity, it is about lying about ones' self to the other and the insecurities of one of them in particular.  The first isn't sure about it all, but the things being told to him by another friend are too hard for him to ignore, but the other one has "explanations" for everything...though there is damning evidence online against him that cannot be ignored.  I know, I have found all of the information myself...

I  have kept quiet about this to the one who perpetuates the lies and his family because I don't want them to know that I know the truth until they tell me, and I am not going to go around accusing them of anything, I have been keeping silent and waiting to see if they will come out and tell me the truth, then I am going to tell them I already knew and figured it all out, and I don't care because he is a good young man with a sweet heart and it doesn't matter.  If they open up and tell me the truth, I will encourage him to tell his boyfriend the truth so they can work through this together, rather than let the guy find out on his own and get hurt...it would be better if the truth came from the source and not from anyone else... it will hurt, yes, but at least it won't be as bad as coming from elsewhere.  This is also causing a rift between the first and his friend of many years and that has to stop!  They cannot keep this up because they are hurting a special man who served this country and doesn't deserve that kind of pain after all he has been through.

Three days into this week and already a lot of craziness in real life and online that is going to test the limits of my abilities to retain lessons learned from everything else.  The second situation is one that could cause a lot of damage and I could get caught up in it if I do or say anything and I don't want that to happen since I still like them all in that situation.  I learned a long time ago that these situations aren't going to come out well, and I must keep my distance from them in order to not get the backlash.

In the first situation, I have two witnesses to the bullying and I told another since it was verbal bullying.  This time, I am not letting it happen again.  I will have witnesses to this so that I can fight it better and faster than the last time.  If it gets out of hand, I will do what is necessary to make sure that I am not the looser in this situation and that I have voiced what needs to be said without causing any harm to my karma.  I will show her and many others that I am not a doormat, but I am a good person who works hard and enjoys my job...I am also going to counter her bad attitude with MY good mood, no matter what happens here.

Using Lessons Learned

You know, I shouldn't complain about this, but it is getting so hot and with the rain, it isn't much better here.  

I know it gets hot in the summertime where I live, but lately it is getting to the point where I can no longer deal well with the heat.  I don't know why.

I used to be able to go out during the summer and enjoy the warm air, and go for walks in the park, but these days, it is so hard to.

I've been working on getting things organized and under control in my life...so far, it is going well.  Everything is starting to have a place and I am able to do things in a timely fashion.  It is nice.

Work is going well, but it there are things there that I am trying very hard to keep quiet about and not get upset over.  It is the same as it was when I worked there before, except some of the newer people and one or two of the original people seem to make it a better place with their attitudes.  I just stay calm and try to push those negative energies away, but eventually I may have to stand my ground and speak up against it.

It is alright so far, the lessons I learned at my last job really helped me to learn to protect myself well while I am at this job now, and it hasn't gotten to me yet. I also keep reminding myself that ignorance is bliss and prejudice is a natural inclination in the human psyche, so I must use patience with them.

They still get weird about the young man I spoke about, but he doesn't let it affect him in any way, and I am trying to take on his attitude about the whole thing...he and I have a shared passion for reading and we chat about that while others look at us like we are from Mars or something...I secretly laugh over the puzzled expressions because they now understand that I am someone who is intelligent and I love to expand my world to the edge of the universe.

Either way, it will work itself out and by the Goddess, I will prevail and I will be alright against this place....and its bullies and ignorant beings.

Celebrating Independence Day!

Today we celebrate the day when fifty six men in thirteen colonies declared that the new colonies in  America would be free of rule from anyone else but themselves.  

They decreed that each individual had certain inalienable rights endowed to them by THEIR creator.  

The declaration was that all were free.

We as a nation have been working on this ever since, we are not perfect and we are still growing and learning HOW to make this a complete reality for ALL people...we will get there some day, but right now, we thank those who made this Declaration of Independence a reality and those who continued throughout the last 237 years to protect that declaration and help make the dream a reality!!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY AMERICA!

Making Changes

I am going to work to try to get on here more often.  

I miss being here and blogging about things, or sharing what is new in my life...or old. ~grins~

I know I have gotten into this habit of writing on a semi regular basis, but I think it would be nice to come around more often and talk about anything and everything that is interesting in life...

I should come here more often and talk about my Wiccan path.  I don't do that often enough and it makes me wonder if it would help me.

Maybe if I start talking about my journey, it will inspire me to do more.  

I should catch up on my emails!  I haven't done those in weeks because I have been adjusting to the job and the heat and the walking again...

Another couple of habits I should get into, huh?  It is time I did them anyway.

I know I have written about this a couple of times in the last few weeks, but I am still working on getting my apartment cleaned.  

I have a new goal for my apartment...to turn it into my own personal sanctuary.  A place of peace, and where I can practice Wicca without worries.

Of course, I can also be doing this so that if/when I am able to afford a new place I won't  have so much to move out of it.  I still hate this place and this loud obnoxious neighborhood and want out.  I just need to be able to afford and find a better place.

I am tired of the noise, the sirens, the rifles going off, the dirt, and the decrepit look of this apartment and this neighborhood.  It has this poor quality to it that makes me wish I didn't live here.

I know things are going to move forward in my quest to change and to find new ways to live my life. I am not worried in the least.

Replacing The Old

I have decided that as I clean my apartment, I am going to replace a lot of the things that are old or chipped.  

For example, my dishes are so old and chipped, they need to be thrown out.  I want to replace them with more festive and pretty patterns...

I have already replaced my table cloth and it has brightened my mood.

Now, I can't replace everything right now because of financial issues, but I can do this over time and as I have the money to do so.  It is another slow going process, but it will happen.

I am also going to pull a Truvy from Steel Magnolias and decorate for the holidays, I think that if I have these physical signs, they will help lift my spirits...even seasonal decorating will help keep me from feeling down or depressed.  

It would also encourage me to want to have people over every once in a while to entertain and not feel so lonely!

I am still working on the cleaning aspect of my home right now, clearing out the messes and giving myself more space, it is liberating for me.  I don't feel so exhausted when I come home from work and see messes everywhere, but clean places.

I have one more big bill to pay off, and I know I can do that by the middle or end of July and I will be fine.  This bill is my electric and it will be great because I don't want to start out the winter in debt and unable to pay the bill.  I am excited because this will mean that I am caught up to the point I need to be.

I am not getting forty hours a week at my job right now because it is summer and this business is kind of slow, but I am doing what I can to make 30-35 every week so I can afford to eat and live.

I am working on getting my routines in order so that I can write.  The biggest problem I have is that I am too tired to go online at night or on my computer.  I am remedying this by starting to take vitamins and eating well, this includes  having food in my fridge so I don't get tempted to go eat out at a restaurant all the time, and waste that money.

Work is alright, I am doing my protection and empowerment ritual every morning to make sure that things go well, and I am at the point where I have shut out most of what the people at work do or say so it doesn't get to me...it is just easier this way.  

I am trying not to participate in the complaining sessions at lunch time.  I can't find a spot to go to get away from this or them, but I am learning to tune it all out.  I am half tempted to take my Kindle to work with me so I can read it and ignore them.  I am still trying to figure out my new mp3 so that I can tune them out that way as I work.

I am also working on my bad language habits.  I am replacing the bad with good and trying to think in a positive way.  It will be good karma for me.

I am reading more these days and playing around less.  I like this because it helps me fill space.

I am also considering those projects I talked about in the past...maybe doing one or two or even starting a book review blog might be fun...who knows, but I will eventually try.

Slowly But Surely

I am reading Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I started this book a while ago, but never really finished it.  I don't know why since it is a book that can help me with this organization issue I seem to be having.

The book is about changing your mind set to be a more successful person who is able to accomplish the things they want to do in life.  

Since starting the book, I am finding myself looking at things from different angles and wondering what is next for me to do.  

So far, the changes are coming in the form of fixing the financial mess that is my immediate goal to fix and trying to overcome this need to have a messy home.

I am working slowly towards getting the house organized, getting one or two areas cleared out at a time so that I don't feel so crowded. This is something else I am hoping to have accomplished by the end of July.

My newest favorite phrase at home is:  " Why do I still have this???  Why do I need this?  And why did I get it to begin with?"  This helps when getting rid of the junk in my house.

I also have a new favorite mantra at the store:  "Do I need this?"  So far this is working for me a great deal!  I just need to get into the habit of using coupons and shopping lists.

I am getting there, slowly but surely!

Routines, Writing, and Laziness

I have begun a new phase of my life in the ALA.  I am not saying what because I have to do it in a way that is balanced and good for both them and me.

I am also working on myself as a person...again!  

I know, I know, I keep saying these things, but I have to do them to make myself feel like I am on the right track in life.

I have sat up a few nights this month thinking about the things that I am and what I want to accomplish and again finding new ideas in my mind to try.  I am thinking about adding many to my daily life if I can.

Every day, I have been doing little bits to change things in my apartment to make it feel more homey rather than just a place to make another mess and sit around doing nothing.

I am also contemplating the idea of doing a book review blog.  I am going to talk to a few people and find out how to do this.  

I want to do one that is suited to my tastes in reading.  It would be nice to add that to my life.

Although, I still want to write books...maybe I can do something like that soon.  I keep watching my friends on Facebook who are getting published and wanting that so bad.

Then again, in order for that to happen, I need to WRITE and soon.

I have rooted out the reason for my issues...I am a bit lazy when it comes to this and that is why I am trying to establish the other routines so that I can add this in and make is something that is just done without me thinking about it.  

I need to get over this laziness and move on with my life.

Life at work is still basically the same, but I am learning to tune the others out.  I am doing better at the new things they are teaching me and I hope I am becoming an asset to my job.  

Life is ok.

Understanding The Masses

I am not sure why, but I feel like I am in a weird place these days.

I am thankful for my job and a paycheck, but for some reason, I find myself irritated with the place and the people.

Part of me is thinking of how many of them never change and are always negative.  Then again, this job is kind of like my life and my family..."Don't say anything."

The reason I feel that way about my job is because I know that if I voice the things I like or like to do they will make fun of me or talk about it behind my back.  They try to make me feel inferior because of the things I like and enjoy.  I don't understand this philosophy.

It is crazy because many of these people are uneducated and very ignorant.  They like to make others feel less than what they are.  They don't want to believe that there is more to life than a drink or ten after work and sitting around watching  Dancing With The Stars or some other unintelligent program that seems to bombard the networks these days.

To them, because I like Jane Austen and reading the classics, or my ALA or bettering myself, I am the one to be made fun of...an example is the young man I wrote about a while ago...he too wants to better himself (not be better than them or above them), and they are constantly making stupid comments about him.  It is so sad!

There is more to life than living that kind of existence...and I want that...so does R.  We want to be human beings who have opinions and intelligent thoughts.  I may not always agree with R, but we can  have conversations based on the things we learn and intelligence and agree to disagree on a few subjects and not make the other feel inferior, but that much better about themselves than these other people try to make us.

And maybe that is the problem at work...inferiority complexes that make them feel that putting down others will lift them up and make them feel better about themselves....I don't know, I am grasping for explanations here and trying my best to understand this.

The only thing I know right now is that I am going to  have to amp up my protection and empowerment rituals every morning and work on shedding the negative as I walk home from work every day so I do NOT fall back into the old routines that Laura Stamps and I worked so hard to eliminate from my life.

I am going to be myself and if they don't like it, I don't care.  I will protect myself, empower myself, organize myself and be ME!!!  They will not push their defeatist inferiority complexes over on to me.

MUAH!!!!!

Updating and Such

The new job is going well.  I am happy and grateful to have a job so I am not doing much complaining.

I am learning new things at the job but I see a lot of the same old same old there!

I am working on getting myself back on track and working towards a healthier self.  I can't wait to see what happens in the next few weeks.

A friend and I are doing a new blog about Diana Gabaldon...it is about as many things as we can do, even a re-read discussion on the books.  It will be fun and I cannot wait to get going!!

I am having trouble with my internet and it is making me crazy, I am trying for patience but it isn't working...I think I need to find a new outlet for the upset..I don't know why, but it is irritating to keep trying and I am searching for a better and more affordable internet provider.

This month should start proving to be financially better.  I am hoping by the end of July to be able to have all my bills up to date and down to a reasonable amount for each.

Life is alright at home as of now.  I am hoping to get things going that I want to have out there and running.

Sadness In Perpetuating Lies

I am beginning to suspect two friends of lying.  It is all online, and I understand that people are never honest online, but since I talk to one of these two and they are mother and son in real life and they lie about him, it is hard for me to keep silent about it.

While I am not upset about this, these two have themselves and the world convinced that he is someone he is not and for some reason neither of them seem to realize that it is easy to Google the truth, and that this is not right.  He posts pictures that he passes off as himself...

The thing about this that worries me is that you can find the actual person on Youtube in interviews and his own website with information that is totally different...mainly, the actual person is a straight married man who is about five years older than my friend.

The other problem has been that the things they tell me don't match up to the person himself.  While they lie about his identity, they slip up and share reality with everyone online and with me when I talk to the mother.

I don't know why this woman insists on perpetuating these lies by involving herself in them and laughing over it.  It is nuts and wrong.  He is a young man, and a father of 3 children...though I question this situation a lot because some parts of this story have me scratching my head and the pictures they send me of the youngest seem odd and not a match for things.  This does more harm than good to these two.  

The worst part about this is that he has his boyfriend convinced he is this other person and it explains why this young man really doesn't want to meet the guy in real life since they only met online.  This is going to hurt the boyfriend, who is a friend of mine and a veteran of this country...he doesn't deserve this kind of pain after the ten years and five tours he did in Afghanistan and Iraq.  This young man is being totally selfish, self centered and self absorbed.  It is not going to be good...if this man discovers the truth from anywhere else other than his lover he will never be able to trust this young man again...even if he forgives him, he will have a hard time believing the young man and always wonder what other lies he is being fed.

These two have made a lot of people believe these lies, and as I believed some of them myself, I am in a place where I cannot be angry...it isn't my place to be angry or get involved.  I am going to wait to see what happens and if they tell the truth on their own.  

There are times when he posts a picture of something that is real and it doesn't match the image he is trying to portray.  Even his postings don't make much sense in this regard.

I know they are good people and if they tell the truth to me, I will tell them I already know and it is alright.  I won't be the one to out them to others...even here, I am keeping their identities secret (though I hope a certain person never sees this blog post).  

Believe me, I want to  say something to them right now, but it is hard when I know they will get defensive....I may accidentally slip up one day, but I am trying hard right now to learn discretion in this situation.

Oh well, people are never completely honest  online and that is alright because they are trying to protect their identity, but to go overboard like this and believe it yourself seems a bit much.  I hope he comes clean some day in the future.

My News and Basics For The Time Being

I believe I am going to be alright by June 1, as I have said before, but it will take a bit of work to get there with the bills and everything else I am working on.

Next month will be a busy one for me, not just with working, but other commitments I have made.  It will be alright and I am ready to do what needs to be done, so I am not worried.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic today as I sit here online and type.  I know the past is gone, but it would be nice to go back and review what it was like back then so I can use those lessons for the future.

I haven't mentioned this, but I have found someone I am in love with...so far, that love has only manifested itself online because the one I love and who loves me is still very shy.  

Our relationship began as a friendship and grew through role play...and she shocked me when she admitted that she had strong feelings for me at the beginning of the year....and I for her.

Though, she lives maybe a 5 hour drive away from me in the state below and west of me, we have never spoken on the phone, exchanged pictures OR done any of the normal relationship things others do, even in long distance relationships...I often feel that this is a shadow thing and that she isn't always real...and she is very shy and won't tell me things unless I drag it out of her.  I have to ask her for every morsel of information that I get.  I am working on it though.

I think she is also worried because, until now she has never liked women...and I have liked both for a very long time, I just normally gravitate towards men mostly.  My last relationship with a woman wasn't a healthy one for either myself or the woman who loved me....my only wish and goal for that woman was for her to find real happiness that I couldn't give her.

Anyway, I am working on my girl and I am hoping that it works out, and if it doesn't then I am looking at one hell of a wonderful friend for life because she is a beautiful soul and I love keeping those around me as long as we are able.

By the end of this month, I am hoping to get my routines for work down and get myself back into good habits and out of the bad.  It will not be easy, but I want to do these things for myself to make life better in the coming months and years.  

I have learned in the last 6 months that I NEVER want to be on unemployment again.  I hate it, I learned that I don't like being helped by my aunt who selflessly sent me money she worked hard for her entire life.  It made me feel horrible to know that she loves me enough to do this for me, and I never want her to feel she has to do this again.  

I learned that I like making my own money and I like paying my own bills and being responsible for myself.

I also learned that I hate this apartment and want out as soon as I can find a better and safer place to live with Emma.  I want a place with room for me and life.

I also figured out that the things I enjoy in life can wait until the bills are paid and I can afford them, but I can find cheaper things to enjoy in life too.  

I also need to catch up on my email and make some new email pals.  It is tiring not having people to chat with and laugh with online that aren't facebook pals who are often busy doing a thousand other things in the world.  I also miss my friend Nej's fun and insightful conversations.  

I miss chatting with people about books and other fun things.  I also miss the friends I had made in other realms whom I never get to chat with anymore.  It is sad that we all went our separate ways, but that is the way of it, you move on and make more friends and hope that the ones of the past are happy.

Since I began my new job, many have asked me about the job I had that fired me...wanting to know about the place.  I have mentioned this to my boss and told her that I really do not want to talk about the place because I think it is unfair to do so now.  To me, that part is gone, and anyone who wishes to work there can find out on their own what it is like to work there....while it was a good company, it was the employees that made the company hard for me, and I do not wish to speak ill of them or the employees in question because it is bad karma.  

The real reasons are in my memory and I have moved on and wish that company no ill will, and that the person behind the actual reasons somehow finds goodness.  I also know that karma works both ways and that she will get what she throws out threefold and I will not see it, nor do I care to.  

I learned to move on and I learned that I am NOT the person she painted me to be back then.  I know I don't have an attitude problem, and I am good at what I do.  I am a hard worker and I am a great person on top of that...and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.  I have moved on and that is that!!  The reason can drive someone else crazy, talk bad about me and throw others under the bus all she wants....it is her karma she is dealing with, and as for mine...I am going to go about my business my way and worry about ME!!!

Anyway, my next goals in life are to fix the financial, get into a routine, work as hard as I can, and get my life clean, organized and refreshed by November.  Not an easy task, but I am sure it can be done if I just keep going right?

I am also going to start doing some basic writing again and attempting to keep this blog updated as much as I can!

A Young Man Named R

There is this young guy I work with, he is very energetic and has a great attitude.

He is also into reading books about things that others find a bit weird...like a woman who went to live in a village where the people practiced voodoo...he acts like a wild child, but he is very intelligent.

He knows Spanish and speaks fluently with this girl we have at work who is very sweet...

However, I have found that while others there like him, they are quick to make stupid and ignorant comments concerning the things he likes to read and the things he enjoys.  

Why do people do that?  What would they do if they KNEW that I am a Wiccan AND a bisexual woman?  What would they say to the stuff that I like to read and the things I love to do?

I don't understand why people are quick to put down those who wish to use their minds to grow and to understand the world around them.  It is crazy to see this going on all over the world.

R must be about 25 years old if he is a day and has never been to college, but that doesn't seem to stop this young man from devouring knowledge...he is a very kind man too, he isn't judgemental or crazy.  

Actually, R is a very handsome young man even with the tattoos and the gravelly voice.  He is quick with a smile, a comment, a laugh or help when needed.  Everyone loves him there...so why treat the things he enjoys with such a derogatory attitude?

Just because he likes to read about this adventuress going to places we never will doesn't mean he will go crazy on people and start doing oddball things!!

Malcolm X ended up reading the Koran and went on a pilgrimage to learn about Islam!  Nobody things he was crazy or nuts even if he often spoke too forcefully during his fight for equality and a dissolution of segregation...he was a hero and a legend...who says this young man will not be that someday too? 

Besides, isn't knowledge the key to understanding and understanding is the key to power???  Just a thought.

Tiny Update

I am very sore and tired from my new job, and working hard and learning more.  

I am hoping that by June 1 I will have everything I need to accomplish financially done.  

This has been a great week, but I caught a cold.  Weird, but it is alright.  I will live!

I will be back soon to talk more about my job and the new position I have as Chaplain of my ALA post.  It will be an interesting year for that...especially since I am a Wiccan!

Be well everyone!
Karollynn

New New New

I am loving my job so far.  It is hard work, and I have only worked a few days this week, but that is alright since it is a job.

I am learning a lot there this week and finding that I am glad to be back, though I do still protect myself from things because I see the pitfalls there now that I am mentally aware of them.

I am hoping that things improve greatly because there are things in my apartment I would finally like to throw away and to start fresh.

I need new dishes, bed linens and clothes.  I am going to replace those in the near future.

It seems things are going great for many of my friends and I am glad to see that the world will start going fine again soon!

I cannot wait to see what I can accomplish in the near future.

Now to get myself into those routines I am constantly talking about...hehehe

I Have A Job

I am sorry for not being here for a while.

I had lost my electric AGAIN and was having a lot of financial difficulties that kept me away from things.

Two weeks ago, I called a former employer to ask if she would mind if I used her as a reference while looking for a job.  She said yes, then we talked for a little while and she asked me if I would like to come in for an interview, I said yes, but the only thing I feared was that I had already worked for the company before and didn't know how people would feel having me there, she told me not to worry and all we were doing was an interview to see if I fit in with the new regime, and if it didn't work out, she was more than happy to give me a glowing reference for any job I applied for.

They called me Friday and I began my new/old job yesterday.  It was nice, they hired me back to work in a different department than I was used to and were willing to train me to do a different job...they also started me out a bit more than I was making when I left for the other job that fired me.

There is a new and more positive attitude about the place this time.  Don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with the place when I was there before, but this time, there is a lighter air about the place, like it had gotten a spring clean and everything was fresh and calm despite the amount of work all of the employees now have...and their workload has increased in a great way, and I am glad.

It was nice to see how much more they were doing there despite the NEW shiny cleaners I went to work for, and that any lost business came back to them.  I hated that they lost some business, but it looks like they found a way to fix that and look for more ways to make money.

I am very proud of them for how they were able to rally and pull themselves up from the recession that seems to be squeezing the life out of all of us very slowly and painfully.

I have to go back to walking for about 35 minutes every day, but that is alright, it keeps me young and healthy.

I am just excited about being able to afford food and all of my bills!

Now it is time to start concentrating on the things I want to accomplish next on my To-Do list!!  

I am ready to get to the other things that I want to get done in the near future, and I am ready to get to them now.  Many don't have anything to do with money, but with myself and now that the bad is behind me, I am ready to move on to accomplish the good!!

Hairy Finances, Spring Cleaning and Other Chatter

Things are getting hairy with my finances.  I can't seem to make things work out right now.

By next week, I think things will be a bit worse, though I cannot be too certain.

It will be alright, since I know I can handle a lot of it since I am still trying to find a job, and I know it won't last much longer.

I also have some plans to write.  I have a few ideas in my head that I want to get out before too long so it will be alright.  I can't wait to begin.  I am going to start writing using the old fashioned way so I can get everything I need in my head down so I don't forget them. Besides, with my computer being so slow and old, it would be a great idea to do this that way until I can do something better.

I just need to remember that I am going to make it through everything I can and do what needs to be done.

This week, the weather has been very warm and beautiful, even when it rained.  

I love the Spring, it always makes me feel good about myself and about life.  Everything is new again and refreshed. Flowers are blooming and color is everywhere this time of year.

I am reading a lot this week too.  I am trying to get myself caught up in everything so I am ready for fall when all the releases I want to read come out.  

I have also cut back on my role playing and am feeling a bit easier about myself and am able to get more done this week.  I haven't finished up my apartment cleaning, but have been able to do the other things I have put on my To-Do list and set some great things in motion.  I am happy with the growing results.

Some day I hope to accomplish more than I have in the last two years and get things done!

I haven't given up on knitting, but I am in need of help, and I am going to look for someone to help me learn how to do it soon.

I asked my little brother how much longer he thought we would have our grandmother...I think he doesn't want to think about the possibility of loosing her, but the point I was making was that we HAVE to think about it because it will happen and we must be prepared to let her go when the time is right.    I don't like it any more than they do, but that is what we must be prepared for.

Life changes, I wish it was different, but we can't avoid the inevitable but we can enjoy as much time as we can with them while we have them.

My only hope is that she doesn't forget us as she gets older-her grandchildren.  I think that would be the worst thing in my heart, but at least we have our memories of her and with her.  

She is still relatively healthy, so thinking about it should only come once or twice a year is a good idea for now.  For now, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I am alright so she won't worry about me when she leaves us in the future.

So my long term goal is to make sure that I can take care of myself by myself without her worry.

I also found out my father's actual age the other week and am forced to recognize that he is getting older than I thought he was...he is healthy and happy and active so I am not worrying about him in that capacity, but it is forcing me to realize that my parents are the most precious gift I could have...it still bugs me that Dad is the age he is, but it is alright, I love him.  

I can't believe this week is almost over and I feel like I have been too lazy to get anything done except small things.  It is time for Spring Cleaning and I can't even bring myself to clean...I think that is the problem with many people these days.  I will get it done this month so I am going to be alright.

I am also searching for ideas for my Jane Austen blog or to figure out what to do with it in the coming weeks.  I think it is time to use it for the other purpose for which it is intended-writing and learning...

There is more on that, but I will share it as soon as I can finalize some thoughts there.

With spring comes new beginnings and with new beginnings, I think I will have some good ones if I  stay the course..

Have a great Thursday!

Announcements And Wanting To Move

Looks like I am going to be doing more for my unit ALA than I am sure I am capable of.

The news I had promised was that I have agreed to take on Chaplain for this unit.

My beliefs are similar to theirs and they all believe in me, so it would only mean that I will be spending more time with them-one extra meeting a month along with all the other American holidays I will be required to join in.

I doubt this will be easy, but at times I feel that this is my calling in life...to be a helper for many and a comfort to most.

While my beliefs are diverse and my thoughts about certain taboos in the Christian world are different in many ways, I can keep myself detached on these particular subjects...besides, there are Jewish Chaplains in the American Legion and the Auxiliary so I don't think it will be an issue if I don't make it one.

I will begin my duties after the elections in May, though nobody else is running for this position, it may turn out that someone will do some write-in votes, but I doubt that will happen so I will resign myself to the fact that I will become the Chaplain for 2013-2014 for our ALA unit.  

Who knows, I may love it, and keep doing it through the rest of my time there.

I have another issue with my need to get a job as quickly as I can...

I had an issue with my apartment manager/owner last week that makes me feel that I cannot live in this hovel for much longer.  He is a pain in the butt and I have never felt comfortable around him...he is nice and he is willing to work with me since things are going bad, but he pulled an illegal stunt last week that makes me just want to get out of here as fast as I can.

In order to leave this hovel, I need to get a job, get all the bills up to date and find some place new to live here in the town that I live so that I can continue my duties to the ALA and be in a place that I kind of like living these days.  I just can't live in this apartment anymore, not if he may do these illegal acts again in the future.

Don't get me wrong, he is a nice guy, but there is something about him that makes me want to avoid him whenever I can...it may just be me, but something is off.

So, my other goals are simple...find a job as soon as I can then find a new place to live...

Downton Abbey Season 3

Finally finished watching Downton Abbey's season 3.  

I am sad that Dan Stevens left the show, but it is alright because everyone must move forward in their lives when they see that it is time.  I wish him luck in everything he does.

I will still watch the show and use it for my comfort marathon days since I will be looking forward to season 4 right along with everyone else on this planet.  It will be fun to see the new members of the cast and watch those who remain do their thing...and I am glad that Dame Maggie Smith is staying and that rumors say that Shirly Mclaine is coming back for a bit more...and who can resist Hugh Bonneville?  Not me, so siree lol

I am  making it my goal to actually have a job by the time the show airs in the US.  I am looking forward to that being my Sunday night special time!

I am not sure why I love this show so much since I prefer my period dramas to be set in different times in British history, but it is a wonderful show with a lot going on.

I can't wait for season 4 to come!

April 2013 Goals

Happy April 1!

I have set some minor goals for the month of April.

First and foremost is to find a job.

The other goals are to start taking vitamins again and start my beauty routines again.  I am tired of looking tired all the time and tired of feeling less than up to par in my health.  I started today.

Yes, I have been thinking about my grandmother a lot and how things have slid so much over the last years of her life, and I don't want to be like that in my old age. 

My other goal for the month is to get my home cleaned and organized.  I have begun the work today and it is coming along nicely.  It is time to make my home my sanctuary not a pigsty.

I have set up my organizer so that I can see a To-Do list and be able to accomplish things as best as I can through the month.  I am not forcing things, and things that don't get accomplished will be a part of the next month's agenda.

The other is to get on a regular sleep schedule so I don't waste my days!  I am tired of being awake all night and sleeping all day, wasting time.

Since my To-Do list is short each month, getting things done will be easier.  It would be stupid to make a list the size of Santa's Nice and Naughty lists because I would never accomplish them without a sense of being overwhelmed. This is a good way to get things done.  Besides, this is the method Stephen R. Covey suggests in his books..

I am also starting to learn to knit.  It isn't easy, but I want to learn so that I have something productive to do and I like crafts. I can crotchet so that is fun to do to, along with embroidery.

I want to sew too sometime soon.  I don't know why, but this  need to learn these old fashioned domestic things is important to me right now.

I also have an idea on my writing and I am looking into what I can do with them.

By the end of this month, I am hoping to have some good new habits and a clean home!

Wish me luck!

Lover At Last By J.R. Ward

I finished reading Lover At Last by J.R. Ward.  I loved it!

It was wonderful to see her writing back where it needs to be.  

The book was full of adventure and the romance of Blay and Qhuinn was good, though Blay needed a few knocks on the head to wake his silly butt up!

The further development of Assail and revisiting many of the regular cast of characters was wonderful!  

To be honest, I am still thinking that Xcor is a bit of a crybaby at times but that is my opinion.  I also think a bit of re-working the Lessening Society would be in order because they are turning into drug lords and not doing what they are supposed to do-fight the Brotherhood as the originals did.

I do love the fact that in this book Qhuinn learns to accept himself for who he is and to forgive those who have wronged him...the fact that he became a Brother was heart warming and beautifully written.  Can't help but wonder if we will see the day he gets to help induct John Matthew and Blay into the Brotherhood and how he will react to that.

The next book is about Wrath once again...it will be nice to see things come around and I can only hope that in doing so, many of the loose ends will be tied up...then again, those are the reasons we keep reading them (example:  Diana Gabaldon's novels for those of us who love reading her books).  Part of me wants to see some things finished but the other part wants to see how everything rounds itself out.

I think she did a great job with Lover At Last and I can't wait for the next book.

Grandma's Birthday

Today was my grandmother's 88th birthday.  I don't count on her being here for much longer, maybe another 5-7 years, since the average ages of her 13 brothers and sisters is around 93-95 with the exception of one who lived to be 103 because of her lifestyle.

I am not being mean about this since I am looking at it for what it is...and because I love her very much.  She also doesn't do anything but sit around and read...and she has been like this for the last ten years.  Her short term memory is starting to go too.  

I love grandma even when she was being a pain in the butt, but I want to  prepare my mind and my heart for when it happens.

She has been good to me and my four siblings, she has loved us  and her daughters very much.  I never want to forget that in this lifetime.

Today also marks the 26th anniversary of the death of my step sister.  I am having a great day even though I am feeling like a bit of a let down to her.

I know my step sister has moved on from the Summerlands, but I can't help but feel like I am not living up to the potential I need to when she couldn't in her life with my family.

I am generally at peace over her now, it is hard to not be when there is so much else that needs to be done in my own life.

I still haven't found a job, but I am still looking and not loosing hope.

Weekly Blah Blah

I am beginning to get frustrated with myself.

I still can't find a job, and I feel like I am slipping further and further into a kind of disorganized person.

My sleeping patterns are such that I don't sleep when I should and wake up later in the day no matter how hard I try to change it.

My apartment has slipped into disarray and I don't know why I can't get up and just do simple things other than the dishes.

I follow directions for my unemployment, but I still feel weird about the fact that I need it and it is so little I wonder if I am going to loose it sooner than I should.

I changed some things financially but that only made matters a bit worse, but I am not mad about it, I just needed to do something to make things easier on myself.

I haven't done anything for myself or my life that is meaningful to me.  

It may have to do with the fact that I can't seem to get into a Spring frame of mind.

I am going to work on it soon.

I have been so busy this week that I haven't been able to stop, I helped my stepmother all week, and this weekend.  I did it even though I didn't want to because my stepmom is important to me and it was for a St. Patrick's Day dance so why not?  Still exhausting.

I have more news coming soon, I just don't know if I can share this just yet, though I want to.

Being An Example To The Next Generations

I have to question humanity these days.

I am sorry, but recently I am finding that rudeness, disprespect and general apathy is NOT a trait of the youth of our world, but an example they learn by-yes, you guessed it folks....ELDERS!!!

I don't understand why it is that those who are to set the example for the youth are NOT teaching them HOW to show basic human dignity and kindness.

Recently a friend of mine who is 23 years old was talked down to and treated horribly because he needed to use a ramp at the local grocery store after having walked from a parking spot far away from the handicap zone (to which he had the special plates for) because an elder had used up two of the handicapped spaces then blocked the ramp so he could load up his car.  My friend has a prosthetic leg and had recently had a heart transplant...when he said something kindly to the elder gentleman, the elder said very nastily that my friend could use the steps...when my friend told him WHY he couldn't the elder man sneered at him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry but this newer generation IS going to becoming home and using the handicapped licenses and stickers and you may NOT see their need for it because they will cover it up with pants and other ways....they are veterans wounded in war and we have to stop and think before we judge them....my friend is not a veteran, but that wasn't the point.  He still needed those special helps for a reason and the elder gentleman did not stop and think...or look at my friend.

Our elders are NOT the only ones who have need of mobile carts and handicapped spots.

Another incident happened again only with a 15 year old young man who volunteers his Friday nights out of respect to not only his grandfather but to our military-past and present-by helping the American Legion raise money in a fish fry.

The young man is an intelligent young man, loyal and respectful of his elders...and a lady whom he has waited on on several occasions has treated him with disdain and cruelty.  Everything he does in wrong and everything he fixes is wrong.  She is mean to him and she is around my own age....what kind of an example is this woman teaching this young man?  

She, and the elder along with MANY others in this world are increasingly rude and mean to others around us.

Here is another example:

I can walk down the street here in my city and I would hear "hello" or "good day", or "excuse me", or hear a happy remark on the lovely weather....from young people, Black Americans and those who have come to this country to be citizens of this nation.  From people my age and older, I get shoved aside on the sidewalk, looked at like I shouldn't be there or ignored when I say hello myself.

It is no wonder our young people aren't being nice to us when we aren't teaching them how to be HUMAN anymore!!!

Yes, I said it!!  We are teaching them that it is OK to be rude, it is ok to be disrespectful and it is OK to have NO value for human dignity and that human kindness is NOT a good thing.  It will make it easier for them to decide to hit the button on nuclear war when they get older doesn't it???  

Everyone thinks it is the job of parents, grandparents, and teachers to teach these kids these things, and generally you are right, but when they go out to PRACTICE these teachings, we as ADULTS in the world should encourage that and be an example of what a parent is trying to teach their child, don't you think?

We should show them OTHER role models-those who are my age and older....it is the gift we give them that is more valuable than money.  

I also see nobody standing up for these young people...of course, in the case of this 15 year old boy, I am going to take over handling this woman and if I have to, I will stick up for him, I will show him that what he is learning from his family and at school can be used in the future.

It is also why I help and encourage the young people I come in contact with as often as I do.  

We all know that it is good to teach them, but to SHOW them how it is done is also part and parcel of the package and it is not just the responsibility of the parents, it is the duty of every adult to show them this.

Besides ladies and gentlemen....these young people will be running this country someday-one of them is going to be president of the United States and when they are, do you WANT to be left in the cold, because that is exactly what may happen if we don't change this and show them NOW!!!!  

Someday they will be adults and the example for another generation....what do you want them to teach that generation?

Living Without Electricity

I am sorry for not being around for the last 2 weeks, I had lost my electricity due to my own stupidity in financial stupidity.

The last two weeks have taught me a lot and I am a bit stronger than I was before and a lot more knowledgeable.

I am still searching for a job, but everything will be alright since I have leads on jobs and things.

I did learn that I enjoy living without the trappings of the modern era and that it is fun to camp out-of sorts and live a more simplistic life style.  I did like doing things by candle light too.  It was romantic, but not good for reading lol

I caught up on my reading too.  I relaxed a lot and stayed off of sites from my phone that I didn't need to be on just to save my phone battery and found myself more relaxed than anything.

Either way, I am glad for the time I spent without it.  I don't want to do it again, but now I know I can and won't have to worry.

Friendships

I haven't found a job yet.  I am finding it harder and harder every day to find something.  I am not disheartened though, I know something great is on its way.

This week, I finally had no other choice but to let a friend of over three years go from my life.  I love her dearly, but her inability to let go of the past and her self centered nature drained me beyond what I could take.

We rarely talked anymore because this person always turned every conversation to herself no matter what the topic was.  She would cut off sentences and not listen.

I know there were times when she tried to take my energies without my permissions and it would HURT to the point that I had to cut her off.  

She finally made the mistake of accusing one of my friends of something that wasn't her fault and not looking closer to the actual culprit.  This is the way she is...all she saw was a person's name and not the place they came from and made sure to make someone I care about feel like garbage.  It was over popularity....and stupidity.  

In the end, letting go of this person cleaned up a lot of the remaining weights left on my shoulder from the past and the crap that happened there.  She never knew that she drained me mentally and that I was always ready to end the conversations because of it.  I am done with it all and I feel better.  

I am ready to totally move forward and be happy with the way things are now.

It made me SEE the ones who are there on a regular basis who don't ask anything of me, they give freely of themselves and accept what I give them freely.  It is easier this way...friendships without any conditions or worries that I am a bad friend when I stand up for myself.

Even Laura gives of her friendship without conditions or wanting to receive anything from me other than what I give to her without reservations.  I like friendships like that.

In the end, it isn't about ME or about THEM but about US and I love that more than anything in the world.

Accomplishing ME!

After my last post about routines, I got to thinking about what I want and need to accomplish for these routines, and why I want  a routine, the answers were interesting.

I want to feel like I accomplish something every day that signifies a beginning and an end to each and every day.  To KNOW there are things I need to do in order to get through each day-more than brrushing my teeth, combing my hair and getting dressed...or taking a shower and brushing my teeth before bed.

It would be nice to get more done through the day and still find an hour or two to do what I would like to do-go for walks or just relax for a little while.  

I want that feeling of being able to accomplish things within the day that I need to accomplish AND to fulfill my dreams of writing.

I have been thinking about several different types of routines I could accomplish for myself, but the problem is that I fizzle out when I am preparing to begin.  I need to break these bad habits.

Speaking of habits.  I am reading Stephen r. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to see what help this book can give me.

So far reading is slow, and not because I can't get into the book, but because I can honestly say that I have been a bit lazy in reading or other things seem to come up for some reason (usually in the form of a friend calling me and talking for hours on end).  

Today, I am going to spend time reading the book and plan to ignore the phone unless it is important.  I need to focus on what is important instead of letting myself be dragged into things before I am ready to be dragged into them each day.  I am also planning to ignore Facebook for a few hours too since that site is the reason why I waste so much time through the day.

I am tired of wasting time through the day not accomplishing anything.  There really isn't an excuse for me since I am not married or have children to sideline things for me, so I need to work harder on this than I have in the past.

There is another aspect of things I need to accomplish....my personal Pagan path. 

Yes, I have to be who I am and start letting the myself be free to express myself.  It is more healthy for me if I do this.  I do have a reading list for this as well.  I love reading about it, but it is time to start practicing what I am learning.  I feel good when I am walking down this path, spending time being the person I am meant to be.

I guess you could say that what I am trying to really accomplish right now is being comfortable in my own skin and in my own life and my own world.  I hate the itchy feeling that I am supposed to be doing something when I am not.

Today, I am going to make out a written list of things that need to be done as I read Covey's book and do some personal things.  I think it will be a great day for that.

As for writing, I will do some of that as well.  If I really want to do this, I HAVE to do this and stop whining about it and just DO it!  There is no point in putting this off any longer.

I believe I am going to start with the basics of what is on my Facebook page notes and work from there in real time.  I have a lot of material there that I can use to begin the work.  I am not going to give anyone the links for this yet because it is a roleplay style writing that is being done and I am not sure many understand the roleplaying mindset...I mainly use this to practice and to study how human beings react in situations in and out of their ordinary realms.  

Roleplaying is fun, and I have a few wonderful and trusted friends helping me do this so that I can watch them and their personalities, but eventually it will be my words and the way I want to accomplish this that will be written down and done in my own book.  Though we all have a lot of fun coming up with ideas on which directions to take things.

I also have two other ideas for writing that I want to explore without the role play aspect going on.  These ideas are secret right now, and I am working on one or two in my head.  I think they could work if I do a bit more research and exploration.  They are fun ideas that I can work on as I work on everything else.

I don't want to be Diana Gabaldon or anyone else, I just want to try and see if I can actually do this and be able to say at the end of this life that I did try-whether or not I publish anything...at least I will  not have regrets at the end.

I forgot to mention that I did sign up for a magick class online at Magicka School.  I know that learning on my own is more important, but these are basic courses and something nice to add to my knowledge of the Craft and my path.  There is a forum there where I can chat with other Witches and Wiccans on the way so I can make friends.  The basic courses are free and those are the ones I am taking for now, and maybe I will change things up and pay into more later on, but for now the basics are enough.

I know that I don't need this since Paganism, Wicca and the Craft are not exclusive to one teaching like the other religions of the world, but it is a helpful tool to use.  In the end, I know I can use what is learned there to my own benefit.

That is the best part of my path...I don't have to follow someone else's ideals, I can follow my own and get help from others following different paths without fear of being looked down upon.  I think many covens are the same way...it is about the learning process and helping each other to achieve their goals in communing with nature, Deity and the universe in general.

I think that is best for me right now.  Since I gained a bit of freedom with myself, I have discovered a love for ME that wasn't there before, and I want to continue to explore it, and embrace who I really am.  

I said in a previous post about Laura Stamps that there were things I felt I must DO whenever I read her books, and I know now what it is that I want to accomplish...ME!!


Now you know why I really want to have routines and get organized in my life, so that I CAN accomplish all of these things for ME!!!

Routines Needed

I feel like I am going everywhere and nowhere at the same time!  

With all of these ideas in my head and all of the things I want to do and need to do, I feel like I am running around without a plan and the organization necessary to get to the next point in my realms.

House cleaning, laundry, wanting to write, wanting to read  all of these great books, and wanting to get a job are all things I am trying to juggle in my life...I need to focus.

Or rather...this girl needs a real routine.

Yeah, yeah, I talk about this a lot but for some reason I haven't been able to do it.  I have no idea why I don't.

I think what really happens is that I INTEND to get up at a certain time and I INTEND to do something AFTER I do something else, and get side tracked, or I slam the snooze button and get up hours after I want to get up and then think to myself that it is now too late to do what I INTENDED to do in the first place.

What I really NEED to do is set that routine up so that I have no other option, or set up that TO DO list with a determination to get as much done on the list as I can from day to day.

I have had so much trouble getting to sleep at night these day, I get up later in the morning.  It is sad since I used to have a great routine when I got up at the same time every day.

It used to be that I could get up at a certain time, go to bed around a certain time and be ok with things until this past year or so.  My routine for the morning and the evening were set up so that my internal clocks knew what they had to do, then do it....I have been trying desperately to get back into those particular routines and failing miserably.

It may be that my body is ready for changing its schedule and I am changing my priorities in life so that I can do things differently...I don't know but it is crazy.

Maybe I shouldn't worry about when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning, as long as I still follow those routines WHEN I get up in the mornings and go to bed at night.

Either way, I need to get organized again and get things done so that I don't feel like I haven't accomplished anything from day to day.  

*hugglesandluv*

Witchery Series, Laura Stamps, and Empowerment

I have been re-reading Laura Stamps'  Witchery series, a series of books that lead into the Rune series and her Manigault series...or actually all three interweave and they are awesome.

However, this isn't a review on the series, but an empowering post on ME and what this series keeps reminding me of.

Anyone who reads Laura's novels will see what I mean.  Each witch comes face to face with issues that are in their hearts and problems that they must deal with on their journey to happiness and prosperity..each novel is filled with blessings, spells and yummy sounding recipes from the authoress herself.

I always get the feeling that there are things I must DO after reading these books, but at the same time every single one of them empowers me and motivates me.

The empowering is a special thing and gives me a feeling that I am stronger, and after that wicked spider vamp, reading them makes me lighter of heart too.

In a way, you could say that reading  The Witches of Dixie, What Witches Want, and Call of the Witches, may have been the beginning of my personal transformation, and the first step to taking back the control of my own life...it was also the beginning of a very special friendship.

You see, after reading the books, and having that feeling that everything needed to change and I needed to become more of who I really AM inside, the wheels of change truly began...Laura and I talked a bit in the beginning and after I lost my job, I found a true friend and mentor in herself and her Ken (yes all, HER Ken, he is obviously THAT after all lol).  

Throughout these changes in myself, I am learning a whole lot, and most of it thanks to Laura and Ken and their constant help and support.  Each day is a new adventure, even with the worry I often feel, they are there.

The most important things I learned from The Witchery Series is that if change MUST happen, I cannot sit back, I HAVE to work those changes in myself and in my world in order to have that positive, prosperous life I KNOW is meant for me...and in prosperous, I am not talking financially, but mentally and physically....and in Savannah,  Mirabella, Ravena, Maylene, and Noelle, I think I have some great heroines to follow along with and gain strength from!!

I have also learned from Laura herself.  She as been a fountain of love, friendship and a personal cheerleader!  I am very grateful for her and what she has done for me and what she continues to do for me in her humble and loving way!

I love you Laura!!

*hugglesandluv*

Following My Dreams

I keep thinking about my dreams of writing and why I don't just do that while I am looking for a job. Why not?

I should just go for it and try!!  After all it is my dream to be a writer and I can be one if I am able to, right?

Even if it doesn't make money, at least I will be following a dream, and a good one at that!

I have listened to people for far to long now, saying it isn't practical, but why should I stifle my own dreams for fear of what someone else says or thinks?  I am a grown woman and have the ability to know myself.  I am tired of those fears of what others think of me.

Our world is full of people who have never followed their dreams and have listened to others, and they are unhappy in life.  I don't want to be one of those people anymore.  I want to follow my dreams.

Okay, I know I will need money and I have to pay bills, but I can look for a way to support myself while I write and hopefully keep writing after I get a job (if that is possible these days).  I will work on both when the time comes...others have, why can't I?

Who is to say that I need to drift through life only worrying about money and bills?  Or worrying about what others think of me?  I shouldn't worry about those things!

Let's face it, when my last day comes I don't want to stand at the gates and regret anything in life!  I want to at least say I tried and sometimes failed but I did it!!

I will begin as soon as possible...maybe I will write a new blog about it...sounds tempting, but I will think about that soon!!

~Happy Reading

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday!  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!!

I am glad I made it to 43, it is actually really cool!

Even though, I do feel a bit weird about not having a job right now or anyone to share my day with, it is a good one.

I will fix these two problems someday, and it will be alright.  I can't expect an overnight fix can I?

Anyway, I feel great about myself and about the world I live in and I plan to do whatever it takes for me to make it in this world without assistance from anyone.

I hear there are new job openings at the college, and I am on the bus route.  They have benefits and they have free education if I ever want it...but I have to apply.

I am not going to dwell on that today, it is my Jane Austen birthday...I am watching  Jane Austen movies, and reading Pride & Prejudice...AGAIN!

I love Jane so spending my birthday isn't as bad as anyone thinks!!

Have a great day!!!

Basics Of Today

I have decided to abandon my reading of Stephen Covey for now since I don't think that this is a good route for me at the moment.

Instead, I want to focus on other things along the way.

I began writing in an old fashioned journal again.  I forgot how liberating this can be and how much fun I can have expressing myself in this way.  I also cannot remove any entries in it so it is a good thing to continue to do.

Over Christmas, I had gotten to a bad place in my heart and had to call on a friend to find out what was wrong...it seems that my past didn't like the new path I was taking and the vamp spider that had me in its grasp for a very long time was trying to regain control, but we took care of it and I am better now, for the most part.

I still can't find a job, but I am going to keep trying.  Something HAS to be out there for me!  I just know it is.

In the meantime, I am back to creating my realms as much as I possibly can and enjoying it.

I know I can do anything my heart is set on!