Changes Coming Again/A Pleasant Blast From The Past

I am working on other areas of my life, it seems that I have been having a great deal of fun in other places, doing tons of other things.

This blog is going to do a drastic change over the course of the next few weeks....if you see posts missing, it's because a part of that change also includes those posts. I may even get rid of this blog along with the Wordpress and LiveJournal blogs because they are getting too hard for me to keep up and going...I may even move my LJ over here...it seems logical under the circumstances because I am not using it.

I am also changing things in a spiritual way. I am having a lot of trouble making myself believe things just to fit in to one group or another...it's hard to be this way. So, I will follow my heart, and I will go in search of what it is that I truly am.

Anyhoo...I had a blast from the past this week...an old high school classmate found me on my facebook, and it looks like we are hitting it off well. He is a divorcee, and I am sure that he isn't looking for much of anything except friendship, and that's fine with me. I am not on the prowl looking for a husband, just someone to be friend. He is very nice, and very much like myself...just being and taking one day at a time.

September is coming on fast, and I am soooo looking forward to this! I am tired of the heat, and I am tired of working in the department I currently am...I can't wait to get back to normal again, and get the heat of summer over with!!

~Karol Lynn

Natalie Looses, I Quit!!!

I am at it again. I am rearranging my blog. I guess this is from boredom, or from my need to make things as pleasant as possible. Either way, it helps a lot.

I don't think I really needed to learn the lesson of faith last week, because I already have faith....well, you try becoming Catholic, and see how much faith it takes to get there!! It's a hard journey and one that isn't taken without a lot of mountains and rocky slopes along the way...lol

This week has been a bit of a hard one...first, one sister gets married, and then, the other sister packs up and is moving off to Illinois to go to school to get her Ph.D.

Life is rough when you are watching the world moving forward and you are sitting still.

Even another friend is doing what she set out to do...loose 20 lbs by the end of this month....so far, she is one pound away from having lost 10...and when she gets to that halfway mark, I promised to quit smoking, and she will hold me accountable for not smoking..

So, here I sit, knowing that sometime in this week, I will have to quit smoking, and looking up sites and phone numbers to help aid me in this endeavor.

I don't find this such a hardship, because I want to quit smoking, and soon. I am tired of feeling sick, and having yellow fingertips...I am also tired of the mess it makes of my teeth and skin. Besides, I think that the idea of breathing is a nice one at that.

I am thinking that it may be a wise idea to go to a doctor as well, and have him/her help me out. I have the insurance now, and I should go see one soon.

Now I will just have to wait for the email that said Natalie has lost 10 lbs., go to the Hallmark store and find her a great card, and put a picture of Johnny Depp on her webpage as a congratulations (I promised her I would do that for every two that she lost, as well as continuing to "momma" her through-asking if she exercised, if she's drinking water, is she eating healthy), and quit smoking! Then I will have to clean out my car!!

This is going to be lovely fun for me!! Oh well, I will just have to use my forums, and writing as a substitute for not smoking, and hope that I don't gain more than 5-10 pounds myself.

This will work out for me...I may want to get on a plane someday and fly to Scotland, and there's no smoking on those long flights...lol I can also use that money I save from not smoking to go....wouldn't that be fun?!

A Better Week

Wow, what a week this has been! I have been walking in His way all week, not getting angry over the co-workers and their profanity. I have been chanting the word "compassion" like a litany. I have been having a great week.

It seems that when I let go of the worst, and remembered to pray, to go to Father, I recieved the greatest gifts. Patience was the biggest one...

I still plan to do something about the profanity, and if there's nothing to be done, then I will continue to do what I have been doing...putting in my earphones and listening to Christian radio.

I have been enjoying that a great deal everyday on my daily commute to work. The music has definately made an impact on my days....along with the prayers that I am sending out for my day and for my friends and family. It's such a joyful time in my heart to be doing this.

While I was working on the inside this week, I made a deeper commitment to taking care of the outside. I have been doing a daily beauty routine religiously since Monday, and there is a definate change in my skin for the better. This was something I decided to do after getting a haircut, manicure and eyebrow wax last Saturday-did I mention that both the manicurist and beautician are geniuses? Well, I finally felt beautiful because of them, and in doing so, decided to take that one step further and restart my beauty routine everyday. I am feeling good about myself.

Another bit of news: I have a computer at home so that I can get online more often, and that means that I can start writing again on a regular basis and crank out that novel I promised myself I would write, and it also means more blogging and forum posting...I know everyone is groaning over this...lol

I think that everything will be alright soon. I am determined to make sure that my Walk With Father produces many meaningful discoveries for myself, and others. This routine is a special one that requires sitting and reading the Bible (although, I am a bit behind this week because of all of the wedding things that I must do...), prayer, and just talking to Jesus.

I enjoyed my Mass last Sunday, and I am going again. I will listen to Him, and I am waiting to see what next week's motto will be...I find that this is a fun and inspiring way to get closer to Father.

Learning To Love Myself-How I Became The Person You Now Know.....

You know, after reading what I wrote yesterday, I started thinking about things, and the way I used to be.

About twelve years ago, I couldn't look myself in the eye when I looked in the mirror without seeing someone I didn't like, and who was not a great person. I didn't hate myself, nor did I even like myself...and that was the worst feeling in the world to me. It explained why I never had a good day, why I never had any energy to do anything but mope around the house or watch television. It also explained why I never had any drive to be anything other than the slob that I had become.

Well one day, I finally looked at myself and took a very unflattering look at myself, and I knew in that day, it was time to change the outside AND the inside. I couldn't live with that person anymore. I knew it was time to change for the better.

I sat down, and wrote everything that I wanted to change about myself in my journal (I was a pen and paper kinda gal then, no blogging just yet). The list was surprisingly small, considering that there were a dozen little things that could be worked into one or the other of the places I wanted to fix.....

1) I wanted to work on the physical aspect of myself. I had yucky hair, my skin was blotchy, and sooner or later I would be dealing with wrinkles, I didn't want to continue to fight acne too...so, I found a solution. I went to different beauty counters in the mall, asking questions, getting answer until I came upon the beauty regiment that I did. started to use the products religiously....even found regiments for feet and nails. I enjoyed that personal "me time"...my daily routine at night and in the morning became essential to making the outer me feel more confident. Even my showering and hair washing had a regiment to it.

I had also gotten my teeth worked on, and I found a great eye doctor at the time. I did more than just brush and floss when it came to my teeth, I whitened, used plaque and tartar removers, I had become obsessed with my teeth at the time.

I actually started eating three meals a day, taking vitamins and drinking more water, milk and juices, which worked well to make it easier for the other parts of my personal changes:

2) I wanted to change my attitude. I hate the negative aspect of myself. So, everyday, I would find something beautiful about the day.

I started looking at people more closely, I thought that if I could find something good or nice about them-even a stranger-and complimented them on it, it would boost up my spirits, and give two people a good moment. This worked, and I continue on with this today...I can find things about everyone that I can compliment.

My attitude changed a lot because I started seeing the positive things in life. I stopped looking for the worst to happen, and found the good even in bad.

3) I hated the fact that I was not as educated as I should be. I spoke in ignorance and un-ladylike ways, and I knew that this wouldn't do. I wanted to be treated like I was a person of respect and dignity.

So, I started replacing profane words with silly ones, then I started reading the dictionary when I didn't have a better word. Sometimes, I would go through the dictionary and find new words just to have in my lexicon in the future...I didn't want to sound smarter or arrogant to others, I just wanted to be well informed and confident in my speech. If I was going to look more like I was smart, at least I should make myself even more so.

I started reading, and re-reading the classics. I would find new things to learn on the internet, and I would find non-romance authors to read along with my favorite genre. I wanted to have a variety in my life. I wanted to say that when I get bored, I usually go find something new to learn. I tried Gaelic, because I started reading Diana Gabaldon, and I found her to be a great inspiration for how I wanted to sound, and how I wanted to be portrayed to the world in general. I believe that I tried to emulate her for a long time....so I thank her and count her as one of my heroes it wasn't just her writing that inspired me, but herself in general that continued to inspire me to be a smarter and colorfully intelligent human being.

4) This one was the hardest, and by far the one that I am still working on, in a sense....I wanted to have a spiritual base in my life. I believed, and I loved Father, but I didn't know how to go about this one.

I once read a self help book that spoke of the 8 elemental keys that make you a person you want to be, and the author suggested reading The Gospels, The Psalms (yes, this isn't the first time I have read the entire Book), and the Book of Wisdom. By the time I finished I was not only in tears, but I was on a path that I needed to be on, and one that clearly confused me....where was I supposed to fit in, what House of God, or Family of God was I to belong in??

The answer to this is very simple and complicated, and is the most time consuming and frustrating of all, given the fact that I was going to use my intelligence level to get me through life from now on....in this book I read, the author says that in order to find your way in a church, you must visit different ones, go for about 6 months, get a feel for the congregation and the pastor, ask questions, and don't be afraid that you won't be accepted.

I did this, but as I went, I would question, and get no answers, or they weren't even worried about Sculptural accuracy. I would hear the mutilation of the Gospels, and when I would read them myself, the Bible version didn't matter, really, it was always used out of context....so, I would move on, and on, until I just gave that one to Father.

While I was doing this, I would continue to read His Word, ask questions of Him, and pray, and give thanks. At times, I would fall by the wayside, but I would continue on to the best of my ability.

I would take time in the morning at breakfast, or outside with my first cup of coffee and pray and read a book on whatever Christian aspect interested me that week....even books of meditation were a part of that great journey. I would read Scripture in the mornings as well. I was beginning to know the Word, but not fully understand it.

It took me until 2004 at the end of Lent and the week before the Easter Vigil to come to the Catholic Faith. It was there that I found His Family, and my Home with Father. That journey is one that I already promised you I would tell, but I will do that in a later post. I became a full Catholic on 24 March 2005 at the Easter Vigil, and it was the most marvelous thing I have ever done...I am complete in my Faith, but not complete in myself for the moment because I have fallen by the wayside.

The spiritual journey is the hardest of all of my self improvements. It is proving to be one of the most rewarding and educational adventures I am on. I find that Father wants me to know things because there is a purpose for me recent weeks.

So, now, as I have things on all sides battering down on me, I am thinking of that commitment that I made to myself....the one to love myself, I am going to renew this program....I let all of these things fall to the wayside, and now I feel myself slipping back into that hateful place. It's just a matter of creating a routine for myself....

And pray, lean on Christ, and tell myself this: I AM LOVING AND CAPABLE OF LOVING OTHERS!!!

It's not always easy, sometimes I see someone I don't like even now, but I strive to overcome this feeling in knowing that Christ thinks I am worth loving!

~Karol Lynn