Happy New Year/Been Sick Again

I have not been able to get on lately, because I have been battling it out with a nasty sinus infection since last Saturday...I am better now, but it is slow going in getting better.

Well, 2007 is almost over, and I will be honest and say that I am very happy to see it go. I did not have a great time of it this year, so I am looking forward to 2008. I have plans to make my life better in the coming year.

I will begin with my relationship with the Father, as usual...lol Yes, I am going to continue to work with Him to bring myself back to where I need to be to fulfill that particular dream.

Next is finding that job, as I have mentioned in previous posts...after the First of the Year, I will begin to look for a new job. I have not set a date to have this new job by because I know it takes time...it will be a job that offers benefits and an opportunity for good hours and time off for the things I want to do with my life.

Next is taking care of me....I have neglected to do even the basics of a routine for the past year or so, and my skin is showing it....flaky, and black heads-yes, this can be the weather, but it is also because I haven't been working to take care of my skin like I once did...and I did that religiously for years-it's time to go back to caring about me.

On this agenda is another goal, to get out of my mother's home...everyone knows this one, however, I have decided not to rush this one, and wait to set a date because I want to find a good job first.

Then there is the obvious...financial stability. I want to be able to have all of my debts paid off as soon as I can...I am already seeing the debts going down, and there is a ray of sunshine on that front, so that won't take too long.

Also on this list is GETTING ORGANIZED!!! I need to organize and balance out my time better so that I can get everything done. I will go in a while to get filler paper for my original organizer, and start using it and planning the things out that need to be planned.

I have also said this, and I will again...I want to write, and I want to start doing something for that soon. I have an idea or two still in my head, and I want to start working on that as well.

Now, on to recent news...

First of all, my brother is going to be a father, and last week they found out that his girlfriend is having twins...I am thinking that they will be fraternal twins because identical twins come from the father's side usually, and there isn't a history of twins of any kind in our family. It looks like my life just got a little more interesting-now I won't just have my favorite little guy to call me aunt anymore, but a grand total of three who will call me that (I hope one of them is a girl...lol).

Next, Christmas was alright. My dad surprised me by buying me a suede coat for Christmas. WOW!!!! I had fun with my family, and we met my sister's boyfriend, and he seems very nice and intelligent...that is good because he will be in my nephew's life for a while, I am guessing. Grandma and Aunt were their usual selves and bought me clothes when I specifically told them not to because my weight has fluctuated for the past 8 months and I don't like getting clothes for Christmas. Other than that, everything went well, and I enjoyed being with family even if I was ill the entire time.

I have had this nasty sinus infection since last Saturday, and have been miserable. I finally went to the doctor and he gave me antibiotics and a cough suppressant for this....I am feeling better, and I rested while I went back and forth between Diana Gabaldon's Voyager, and Sara Douglass' WAYFARER REDEMPTION over the past few days. I was supposed to stay off work for the time being, as the doctor prescribed...but I couldn't and the doctor and I compromised-I didn't work at my second job because I had to be around people as a waitress...and with my first job I am back in the corner by myself-even the pregnant woman wouldn't be affected by my illness.

Now, I have another three day weekend that I am going to enjoy!! I am going to rest some more, take in liquids as the doctor prescribed and read until New Year's Eve.

I found this, and it is one of my favorite Catholic symbols....



~Karol

Do You Remember This Christmas Song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jEnTSQStGE

I remember hearing this for the first time at Christmas around 1986...I was sixteen years old. It made me cry, and I believe that this was the first time that the window opened for me.

You see, we all have a window that we can open and shut on the world when it gets to be too much. Some people shut that window the minute bad things happen and don't think about it...that isn't so for me-whether it's the War now, or the elections, children being murdered in our own country or starving across an ocean, I usually watch and watch until I have made myself sick with it...I care to much and I cannot shut that particular window.

Maybe Father never intended for me to shut that window, and when it was first opened that year, I actually participated in the events of the time, and listened to the other song that came out that year....maybe I am supposed to do something out there, but I have yet to figure it out yet.

So, here I sit, thinking about St. Theresa of Calcutta, better known as Mother Theresa of Calcutta, and what she had once said about helping others: "You just start with one...", and so maybe if I begin with one thing, and one person, then move on to the next, maybe someday I will figure out what it is that I am supposed to do with myself in this world, and where I will be most needed.

Patience....

Yesterday at Mass, I recieved a message that I needed to hear....

As the Liturgy of the Word came to a close....it was the one where John the Baptist sends his disciples to ask Jesus if He is the One, and Jesus answers in a way that gives the imprisoned John the hope he needs for patience.

Our homily was given by one of the wonderful Fransican priests who give so much love and such wonderful messages just by being themselves and loving Father and Christ...trying to live as the examples set by St. Frances....

I digressed, but in the homily, our dearest Fransican spoke of patience and how it's hard to do so in the world of instant gratification-fast food, prompt service every where we go. Sometimes patience is hard with these things right where we need them to be.

His words make sense to me...be patient, things will happen as they should, and you will recieve what you need from Father. With all of the holiday comings and goings, I am going to try just that...patience. I will wait to work on some of my mission statement-the job and new home part for now because everything else needs to be taken care of first...on is my relationship with Father-I need to repair this one, and remember how to pray to Him, something I got out of the habit of doing and now I am having a bit of trouble reaching out to ask Him for anything....unless it's for others.

It's been cold here, snow and rain, slush and temperatures in the teens today and this weekend...it's alright because I think of all of the people in the world who had to deal with ice storms and huge blizzard conditions this past week and weekend, and I am thankful that we got the least of the bad weather here. I was just thankful that I could go to Mass yesterday to hear the message I needed to hear-I looked outside thinking that it would be absolutely horrible outside, buta when I saw that it wasn't bad, only cold, I thought to myself "if Jesus can go out into a dry, hot desert for 40 days, you can take that ten minute drive to St. Andrew's Parish in Milford, Ohio, and attend an hour long Mass." So I went, and I was greatly rewarded.

The countdown to Christmas is on, and I have three people to buy for and haven't even begun to shop!! I am not lazy, just been broke and the weather has been bad recently...but I am going to go today, or tomorrow....either way, I am going soon. lol

I finished re-posting all of my poetry on my other blog here. I am ready to begin the next chapter of my poetic self. It may not begin for a little while, but I know that I will be going to that blog first to post....now I will just enjoy the Christmas season and write as it comes.

I Have Forgotten Something Important...

In my way, I have forgotten something important:





I am not trying to confuse anyone. I am definitely trying not to confuse myself.

However, I do feel that the female voice that has been calling my name isn't a goddess, but perhaps the Queen of Heaven...the Holy Mother, The Virgin Mary calling out to me to listen to her son.

This explains why I have been going back and praying the Rosary-the Marian and the Divine Mercy-over the past two or three days. I needed to hear Her, and not whatever it was that my mind tried to make it out to be. So, I think I will just continue to go to Mass, and to read any and everything spiritual that I can.

I think my problem is that I am looking at this from a spirituality perspective more than from any other way. It's not about my salvation or anything like that, but a need to connect with Someone higher....not some un-named goddess or god, but with the one I called Father on more than many occasions.

Continue to pray for me in this one, I am slowly working my way through. I am also celebrating the Advent so that with the Coming of Our Salvation, I think I will be able to reconnect with that which I have always know to be in my heart....

My mission statement is inside my heart and my head for the moment, and I will get it out here soon. I just want to make sure that I have everything...from spirituality to health to financial. I am going to write it out this evening-can't tomorrow night because I will be going to hand out Christmas gifts to the Veterans in the VA Hospital in Georgetown, Ohio....

The Veteran's Hospital is such a nice facility, but it is also sad to see our Veterans left there. I think that this will be good for my heart to go and be with them, to say yet again, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE....just by giving a gift and a smile to warm their evening. THAT is the way I become like Jesus, I guess. It's just something that makes my heart feel warm inside...to know that I have given love to those who are far better than I could have ever been....especially those vets from Nam and Korea and WWII.

Before I take the Eucharist, I usually say this:
"Father, make me clean and worthy to take in the Body and Blood of your Son, Jesus Christ, so that I may become like Him in the world."

After Eucharist, I say this:
"Father thank you for making my worthy to receive Your Son, now show me, guide me, and help me become like Jesus Christ in the world."

And every time I leave after Mass, I say these words:
"Help me go and spread Your Love."

I guess that Father does work in the greatest of ways, because He finds ways for me to do the very thing that my heart usually desires.....now why did I EVER FORGET THAT!!!!



Amen, amen, I say to You...Thank you for not forsaking me....but forgive me for forsaking You

I do believe that I am not being totally honest with myself spiritually. Recently, I had a friend tell me that I am a witch, and I have helped in other ways on the other site with friends. I didn't do it intentionally, and I wasn't out to do any harm.

However, yet again I find myself searching for the spiritual answers to the questions I have been seeking. I don't know how much of what I believe is Christianity and what is Wicca. I do know that I am questioning Christianity a lot lately. I am not doubting the life, teachings and death of Jesus, but I am thinking that this path isn't exactly right for me...I am still having trouble with the single male Deity in my mind. I am also having trouble with a lot of things.

When I went to my last Mass two weeks ago, I couldn't hear what I needed to hear. I felt nothing in that church...no answers there. However, when I went to the Goddess and asked her, I found the answers I sought. I have been back and forth because I never want to make a mistake in my faith and spirituality.

I do believe I am a Witch and I believe that I am capable of doing things on that level...it's not about magick, it's about my spirituality and what I want to do with myself. I refuse to leave this in half measures. It is an all or nothing way for me to go...I can't fake it either, or make myself follow ways that I am always questioning as right.

Now, for Nej and all of my friends all over the net who love to read my poetry....I finally set up the site for my poetry. I have posted fifty of them so far, and the blog can be seen through here...http://dreamsofthebluerose.blogspot.com/ I will be posting all of my work in this blog, and move forward from there...it is best to start at the beginning and take your time through the rest...I am working everyday to pull all of my work from Live Journal, Myspace, and the other site here. I will post poetry on those sites too, but I just want everything consolidated in one spot for my convenience...lol

I don't think I got that job, and I didn't call because the holidays are so hectic, things may still change soon...besides, I have been working my backside off with my two jobs and my car is driving me insane!! I have gotten to rest a bit, but I have a feeling that all of the stresses of the past weeks have started to take their toll on me...I am just getting through everyday as best that I can and hoping to see some positive feedback sooner or later.

Moving out of my mother's house will probably be delayed for a month because of my car situation-although, there is a husband of one of the women I work with who will fix it for the price of the parts and a little extra-he understands that times are rough for everyone. He will probably get to fix it tomorrow. It needs a tune up first and foremost.

Now, I am off to post a few more poems....

No News As Of Yet....Keep Praying Though

No news about the job yet...however yesterday a lot of companies were off for Veteran's Day, so maybe they were too and my interviewer forgot about that...ah well, I have until tomorrow night, and if they don't call, then I may call them.

I have been praying for this since I went on the first interview and I have this feeling that things will be alright and they will go well.

After blogging Saturday, I went home and sat on the couch...the last thing I remember is hearing the National Anthem sung for Nascar...I woke up in the middle of Wheel of Fortune. I am so burnt out working all these days in a row, yet I am trying to keep a positive spin on things...I know that sooner or later this is going towards some wonderful things-my own home and my own space.

I moved into my brother's room Sunday, so now I have some privacy now. I am glad because it makes it easier for me to sit down with pen and paper and write...and for prayer and meditation on my Faith. I am thankful for that.

I have yet to tell the people on that one site about what I am and what I have decided spiritually. I will wait for a while, and hopefully one or two will ask me what it is that I have found that gives me peace...there are at least three people on that site that I know of who are truly deluding themselves on their faith ( I know this because of they way they write their blogs, and they way they refer to God first). I am not going to push the issue, and I am not really going to say anything straight out, I like the thought that they don't know and they can't fight apologetics with me on this (let's face it, there are some "Christian Wiccans" on that site that are about three steps away from Catholics in their beliefs-how hard would it be to tell them about what I know, and what would they think?)...The guy that I was supposed to be with is one of those people who started out life as a Catholic, and I believe that he is still with the Faithful in his heart even if his mind fights it...there is one other and she is the one I am most concerned with right now because she is going along two paths that aren't meant for her and they make no sense at all...she spends time contradicting herself (in matters of the heart and spiritually).

I have the night off...I am going to go find a Starbucks and indulge for a little while...or I may go to the Catholic Shop and find something good to occupy my mind for the remainder of the day...lol I will go to bed at a decent hour tonight, since I have a lot of praying to do tonight for myself and for others.

I have been on fire with my faith lately, and I am so glad that I am...it opens up my world even more, and gives me peace....a promise Jesus gave-His peace...
~Karol Lynn

p.s. I may change the title to this blog...but not just yet.

Smile

I think I am burnt out. I have not had a real day of in 14 days, so I believe that my attitude and patience went flying out the window today. Maybe I will take a nap when I get home, I need it bad.

I have been doing something new lately. I have been fantasizing about being in that new job (assuming that I get the second interview first, and the job second), and having a new home. Doing this helps lift my spirits while I am doing a job that is really starting the get on my nerves. I think about what it's going to be like, and what I am going to get to do...what I will need after we move my stuff in. I am getting very excited about the endless possibilities.

I wanted to say that I do love my mother and I am grateful and thankful that she has been there and has helped me, but sometimes I feel like she isn't doing it because she loves me, but because she feels obligated to and that she is trying to use me in this situation too. It makes me have mixed emotions about the whole thing, and I need to get out.

I like my second job, but I have a feeling that this job isn't for me, really. So, I am praying really hard for that second interview and praying that whatever Father wills, I will be able to handle whatever comes my way, and be grateful and thankful for it...although, the greedy side of me is hoping that I get the job. I will give more details on that as soon as I hear more.

I am trying to write as much as I can so that I keep in the habit of being on this blog. Sometimes finding things to write about can be a pain, but in my case, it is a great big help in keeping me from letting my emotions get bottled up.

This blog keeps me spiritually centered too. If I am thinking of good things to write about, it brings up my heart and I am able to smile for the rest of the day. I have things to say that make others happy too, and that's a good thing. What was that old saying from Steel Magnolias? "Smile, it increases your face value"? Dolly Parton said it, I believe...well, I guess my face is worth a fortune at this point....lol Now I have that old song "Get Happy" from the movie with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly called Summerstock (remember the tuxedo/black hose/top hat deal that Liza eventually made even MORE famous?) "Forget all your troubles, come on get happy"...I have no idea as to why this song is on my mind now.

I believe that I will sit down and find a great movie to watch tonight...popcorn and hot cocoa sound like a winner to me.....
~Karol Lynn

Job Interview

I went for a job interview today. It went very well.

My interviewer told me that when she saw my application, she "knew exactly where I should go within the company". It is a receptionist/cashier/technician type of job within this company...the pay is from $9-$11 an hour, and I would be able to work with people and by myself (she got this from the fact that I work in a dry cleaners during the day-a solitary job, and a restaurant at night-a job that requires people skills).

They will let me know if I come in for a second interview between Monday and Wednesday of next week...I did well today, let's pray that I can do well when I go back. Hopefully by December 1 I will have a new job and a new home all in one...wouldn't that be the best ending to this year.

Before and after my interview, I prayed and asked for prayers. I was amazed at how positive things went because I walked in the place and my first thought was that there was a chance that I wouldn't get the job. I prayed for Father's will in this and asked Him to show me how to handle this gracefully...whatever was to happen, would indeed happen and I would accept it as Father's plans for me. It looks like I will continue to pray for His will in this one. Hopefully others will help me in those prayers.

I do believe that my life is getting a lot smoother since I started coming back home to Him, and praying. Every where I turn there is evidence of Christ filled moments, and moments where I can fill the world with Christ without smothering the world...unless you are here...and I am sure that once things get back to normal for me, then I will tone down the Father and Jesus talk all of the time....lol

It was a funny day, I forgot that I didn't have pantyhose, and I couldn't find my shoes. I had to get dressed at my other job and then went shoe shopping-then it dawned on me that another "intimate garment" was missing from my wardrobe today and it is rather cold outside to be going around like that in a dress...I had to buy all three at the local Meijer store. I wonder what was running throught the cashier's mind as I paid for a pair of dress shoes, pantyhose, and another intimate item at once...that must have been some funny thoughts going through her mind......

~Karol Lynn

That Page, The New Boss, That Guy, Nascar and Football

That page is still there. I went in to check and see if it was gone through a friend's page...I am still there. I wonder what's up with that one? If it's not gone by Monday, I will try one more time to get it deleted. It's funny that I am having so many problems getting the site shut down, maybe it's a sign that I need to stay there for someone there...who knows, I will figure it out in time, I guess.

I found out last night that my new boss likes me a lot, and he thinks I am doing a great job at my second job. He seems like a pain in the butt sometimes, but it's his livelihood, while it is only my temporary job...that's no wonder. I am glad he likes me and thinks I will fit in-it seems that everyone there likes me, including a lot of the regular customers. I like that...it means that I will enjoy this environment much better than the other second job I had been working.

I have to write to that guy one last time so that he understands that I am not out to mess up his life, because now he feels disillusioned by me and what has gone on. The truth is that he created quite a bit of our relationship in his mind-and for a while, so did I. Our relationship was based on text messaging and one or two calls a week it I was lucky...nothing else, really. There was not a face to fit into this, and I just can't live like that.

You know what I need? I just need a kind, hard working, intelligent Catholic man. He doesn't have to be overzealous about religion, just truly grounded in his Faith and in his love for the Holy Trinity. I need someone who is willing to worship with me, and pray with me. No theatrics, just love and a shared faith base. Actually, I would love to have a man like Jen's hubby-who is all of these things, except not Catholic, but a definite Christian man...this man is grounded in his love for faith and family-that's the kind of guy I want...oh yeah, and he must love me-that's a given...lol

Halloween is fast approaching, and it puts me in mind of my friend's who are celebrating Samhain that night. I will pray for them...that whatever they wish, need, or want during their celebrations and rituals that night come to fruition. That is the night they celebrate the death of their god (s). They believe that they must rejoice in this, not be sad because their god will be reborn during Yule eve from the goddess...that day is ironically enough December 21...4 days before the celebrations of Christmas. I just want ALL of my friends to be very happy and content throughout the entire holiday season...no matter what they are celebrating.

Today is a nice day to go out walking. I think that I will do that before going home today. I want to clear my head before I have to hear the roar of the engines of Nascar as my parents watch the races...somehow, while I am not a fan, I am secretly giddy every time Jeff Gordon wins a race, and gets ahead in the points...hate the sport, love Jeff Gordon (usually Nascar fans say the opposite sometimes..lol)-now there is a nice handsome man-wait! He's married and his wife just had a baby this past year-DARN!!!! LOL I still hate Nascar though.

Yes, I am a football fan, although my Cincinnati Bengals need a bit of a wake up call this year. I do believe it will happen sooner or later. They are a great team, but some thing's not right with them this year. Hopefully they iron this out soon-we don't want to be defeated to badly by Pittsburgh after they way we played them last year-that would be embarrassing and insulting!! LOL

~Karol Lynn

Two Soldiers

New Year's eve, I spent the evening with the American Legion. They were holding a dance for New Year's...their usual. They had an awesome band who is mainly country music, which I don't get into anymore, but this band is good, Sixpac is their name. They played their usual music, and the Lee Greenwood song. Even doing some Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney/Uncle Kracker (they were great at that one)...etc.


I got hit on by old men and danced with my father, rang in the new year wrapped in the love of my dad and my precious stepmom while we sang Auld Lang Sygne, and everyone around me told me I was beautiful.


On my way back in from the bathroom, one of the ladies who is a great friend to my stepmom, and a wonderful person pulls me over to the side next to her eighty odd year old husband to introduce me to her son (whom I had never met before) and his wife. While I was standing there talking to them, a young man about twenty three or so was talking to the eighty year old.
The elder had been in World War II, and the younger had just come home safely from a tour of Iraq.


"Thank you for serving our country, sir, I am honored to know you. I am proud to be an American along with you", said the younger man.


"No, young man, it is I who should be thanking you for what you have done over there right now." Says the elder.


"Sir, I am an American. It is my duty to protect what you gained when you fought for this country. I was only doing what I had to" says the younger man.


At this point, there are tears in the eyes of the younger man as he shook the elder's frail and aging hand-pride was in both of their eyes...and I began to cry myself as I heard these two veterans thanking and honoring each other.


After New year's hugs to both of them, I turned to the younger man and said these words:
"I say this to all of you...Thank you, you have no idea what your duty and dedication to this nation means to me, and I am proud to stand before you right this moment."


The reply was this: "I was only doing my duty."


~Karol Lynn


***This did in fact happen New Year's Eve, 2007. I don't care what anyone's politics concerning this war are. Just remember, through the ages, men and women have fought, bled and died for countries because they felt that it was worth it to do so...remember our fallen heroes. Remember as we go about our daily lives that they are out there.

Thank you Nej for your post, reminding me of this one from Memorial Day Weekend, I had written it in that site that will be pulled down soon, and this needed saving....
~
KLM

Welcome

This is going to be a secondary blog to my original...this will contain other information for me to share myself with others, and give updates on me. I am just starting this one out, and this will be a great outlet so that my other blog can be my writing page, and maybe later on, I will include poetry somewhere else-here, or another blog here.

I like this blog site, I didn't realize that I could have multiple blogs in one place. It makes things interesting for me. I can now have two places to take myself-here on this site and Live Journal, and there I think I will be as much as here from now on...sounds like a plan.

Concerning my Myspace and the other site, I may end up slowing down on those two sites. I can't bring myself to dismantle my Myspace because I have some awesome friends there, so I will keep that as a poetry place and a place for those friends to connect with me.

As for here, I am looking forward to having things more organized and in one place for the time being!!!

Karol Lynn