Friendships

I haven't found a job yet.  I am finding it harder and harder every day to find something.  I am not disheartened though, I know something great is on its way.

This week, I finally had no other choice but to let a friend of over three years go from my life.  I love her dearly, but her inability to let go of the past and her self centered nature drained me beyond what I could take.

We rarely talked anymore because this person always turned every conversation to herself no matter what the topic was.  She would cut off sentences and not listen.

I know there were times when she tried to take my energies without my permissions and it would HURT to the point that I had to cut her off.  

She finally made the mistake of accusing one of my friends of something that wasn't her fault and not looking closer to the actual culprit.  This is the way she is...all she saw was a person's name and not the place they came from and made sure to make someone I care about feel like garbage.  It was over popularity....and stupidity.  

In the end, letting go of this person cleaned up a lot of the remaining weights left on my shoulder from the past and the crap that happened there.  She never knew that she drained me mentally and that I was always ready to end the conversations because of it.  I am done with it all and I feel better.  

I am ready to totally move forward and be happy with the way things are now.

It made me SEE the ones who are there on a regular basis who don't ask anything of me, they give freely of themselves and accept what I give them freely.  It is easier this way...friendships without any conditions or worries that I am a bad friend when I stand up for myself.

Even Laura gives of her friendship without conditions or wanting to receive anything from me other than what I give to her without reservations.  I like friendships like that.

In the end, it isn't about ME or about THEM but about US and I love that more than anything in the world.

Accomplishing ME!

After my last post about routines, I got to thinking about what I want and need to accomplish for these routines, and why I want  a routine, the answers were interesting.

I want to feel like I accomplish something every day that signifies a beginning and an end to each and every day.  To KNOW there are things I need to do in order to get through each day-more than brrushing my teeth, combing my hair and getting dressed...or taking a shower and brushing my teeth before bed.

It would be nice to get more done through the day and still find an hour or two to do what I would like to do-go for walks or just relax for a little while.  

I want that feeling of being able to accomplish things within the day that I need to accomplish AND to fulfill my dreams of writing.

I have been thinking about several different types of routines I could accomplish for myself, but the problem is that I fizzle out when I am preparing to begin.  I need to break these bad habits.

Speaking of habits.  I am reading Stephen r. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to see what help this book can give me.

So far reading is slow, and not because I can't get into the book, but because I can honestly say that I have been a bit lazy in reading or other things seem to come up for some reason (usually in the form of a friend calling me and talking for hours on end).  

Today, I am going to spend time reading the book and plan to ignore the phone unless it is important.  I need to focus on what is important instead of letting myself be dragged into things before I am ready to be dragged into them each day.  I am also planning to ignore Facebook for a few hours too since that site is the reason why I waste so much time through the day.

I am tired of wasting time through the day not accomplishing anything.  There really isn't an excuse for me since I am not married or have children to sideline things for me, so I need to work harder on this than I have in the past.

There is another aspect of things I need to accomplish....my personal Pagan path. 

Yes, I have to be who I am and start letting the myself be free to express myself.  It is more healthy for me if I do this.  I do have a reading list for this as well.  I love reading about it, but it is time to start practicing what I am learning.  I feel good when I am walking down this path, spending time being the person I am meant to be.

I guess you could say that what I am trying to really accomplish right now is being comfortable in my own skin and in my own life and my own world.  I hate the itchy feeling that I am supposed to be doing something when I am not.

Today, I am going to make out a written list of things that need to be done as I read Covey's book and do some personal things.  I think it will be a great day for that.

As for writing, I will do some of that as well.  If I really want to do this, I HAVE to do this and stop whining about it and just DO it!  There is no point in putting this off any longer.

I believe I am going to start with the basics of what is on my Facebook page notes and work from there in real time.  I have a lot of material there that I can use to begin the work.  I am not going to give anyone the links for this yet because it is a roleplay style writing that is being done and I am not sure many understand the roleplaying mindset...I mainly use this to practice and to study how human beings react in situations in and out of their ordinary realms.  

Roleplaying is fun, and I have a few wonderful and trusted friends helping me do this so that I can watch them and their personalities, but eventually it will be my words and the way I want to accomplish this that will be written down and done in my own book.  Though we all have a lot of fun coming up with ideas on which directions to take things.

I also have two other ideas for writing that I want to explore without the role play aspect going on.  These ideas are secret right now, and I am working on one or two in my head.  I think they could work if I do a bit more research and exploration.  They are fun ideas that I can work on as I work on everything else.

I don't want to be Diana Gabaldon or anyone else, I just want to try and see if I can actually do this and be able to say at the end of this life that I did try-whether or not I publish anything...at least I will  not have regrets at the end.

I forgot to mention that I did sign up for a magick class online at Magicka School.  I know that learning on my own is more important, but these are basic courses and something nice to add to my knowledge of the Craft and my path.  There is a forum there where I can chat with other Witches and Wiccans on the way so I can make friends.  The basic courses are free and those are the ones I am taking for now, and maybe I will change things up and pay into more later on, but for now the basics are enough.

I know that I don't need this since Paganism, Wicca and the Craft are not exclusive to one teaching like the other religions of the world, but it is a helpful tool to use.  In the end, I know I can use what is learned there to my own benefit.

That is the best part of my path...I don't have to follow someone else's ideals, I can follow my own and get help from others following different paths without fear of being looked down upon.  I think many covens are the same way...it is about the learning process and helping each other to achieve their goals in communing with nature, Deity and the universe in general.

I think that is best for me right now.  Since I gained a bit of freedom with myself, I have discovered a love for ME that wasn't there before, and I want to continue to explore it, and embrace who I really am.  

I said in a previous post about Laura Stamps that there were things I felt I must DO whenever I read her books, and I know now what it is that I want to accomplish...ME!!


Now you know why I really want to have routines and get organized in my life, so that I CAN accomplish all of these things for ME!!!

Routines Needed

I feel like I am going everywhere and nowhere at the same time!  

With all of these ideas in my head and all of the things I want to do and need to do, I feel like I am running around without a plan and the organization necessary to get to the next point in my realms.

House cleaning, laundry, wanting to write, wanting to read  all of these great books, and wanting to get a job are all things I am trying to juggle in my life...I need to focus.

Or rather...this girl needs a real routine.

Yeah, yeah, I talk about this a lot but for some reason I haven't been able to do it.  I have no idea why I don't.

I think what really happens is that I INTEND to get up at a certain time and I INTEND to do something AFTER I do something else, and get side tracked, or I slam the snooze button and get up hours after I want to get up and then think to myself that it is now too late to do what I INTENDED to do in the first place.

What I really NEED to do is set that routine up so that I have no other option, or set up that TO DO list with a determination to get as much done on the list as I can from day to day.

I have had so much trouble getting to sleep at night these day, I get up later in the morning.  It is sad since I used to have a great routine when I got up at the same time every day.

It used to be that I could get up at a certain time, go to bed around a certain time and be ok with things until this past year or so.  My routine for the morning and the evening were set up so that my internal clocks knew what they had to do, then do it....I have been trying desperately to get back into those particular routines and failing miserably.

It may be that my body is ready for changing its schedule and I am changing my priorities in life so that I can do things differently...I don't know but it is crazy.

Maybe I shouldn't worry about when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning, as long as I still follow those routines WHEN I get up in the mornings and go to bed at night.

Either way, I need to get organized again and get things done so that I don't feel like I haven't accomplished anything from day to day.  

*hugglesandluv*

Witchery Series, Laura Stamps, and Empowerment

I have been re-reading Laura Stamps'  Witchery series, a series of books that lead into the Rune series and her Manigault series...or actually all three interweave and they are awesome.

However, this isn't a review on the series, but an empowering post on ME and what this series keeps reminding me of.

Anyone who reads Laura's novels will see what I mean.  Each witch comes face to face with issues that are in their hearts and problems that they must deal with on their journey to happiness and prosperity..each novel is filled with blessings, spells and yummy sounding recipes from the authoress herself.

I always get the feeling that there are things I must DO after reading these books, but at the same time every single one of them empowers me and motivates me.

The empowering is a special thing and gives me a feeling that I am stronger, and after that wicked spider vamp, reading them makes me lighter of heart too.

In a way, you could say that reading  The Witches of Dixie, What Witches Want, and Call of the Witches, may have been the beginning of my personal transformation, and the first step to taking back the control of my own life...it was also the beginning of a very special friendship.

You see, after reading the books, and having that feeling that everything needed to change and I needed to become more of who I really AM inside, the wheels of change truly began...Laura and I talked a bit in the beginning and after I lost my job, I found a true friend and mentor in herself and her Ken (yes all, HER Ken, he is obviously THAT after all lol).  

Throughout these changes in myself, I am learning a whole lot, and most of it thanks to Laura and Ken and their constant help and support.  Each day is a new adventure, even with the worry I often feel, they are there.

The most important things I learned from The Witchery Series is that if change MUST happen, I cannot sit back, I HAVE to work those changes in myself and in my world in order to have that positive, prosperous life I KNOW is meant for me...and in prosperous, I am not talking financially, but mentally and physically....and in Savannah,  Mirabella, Ravena, Maylene, and Noelle, I think I have some great heroines to follow along with and gain strength from!!

I have also learned from Laura herself.  She as been a fountain of love, friendship and a personal cheerleader!  I am very grateful for her and what she has done for me and what she continues to do for me in her humble and loving way!

I love you Laura!!

*hugglesandluv*

Following My Dreams

I keep thinking about my dreams of writing and why I don't just do that while I am looking for a job. Why not?

I should just go for it and try!!  After all it is my dream to be a writer and I can be one if I am able to, right?

Even if it doesn't make money, at least I will be following a dream, and a good one at that!

I have listened to people for far to long now, saying it isn't practical, but why should I stifle my own dreams for fear of what someone else says or thinks?  I am a grown woman and have the ability to know myself.  I am tired of those fears of what others think of me.

Our world is full of people who have never followed their dreams and have listened to others, and they are unhappy in life.  I don't want to be one of those people anymore.  I want to follow my dreams.

Okay, I know I will need money and I have to pay bills, but I can look for a way to support myself while I write and hopefully keep writing after I get a job (if that is possible these days).  I will work on both when the time comes...others have, why can't I?

Who is to say that I need to drift through life only worrying about money and bills?  Or worrying about what others think of me?  I shouldn't worry about those things!

Let's face it, when my last day comes I don't want to stand at the gates and regret anything in life!  I want to at least say I tried and sometimes failed but I did it!!

I will begin as soon as possible...maybe I will write a new blog about it...sounds tempting, but I will think about that soon!!

~Happy Reading

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday!  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!!

I am glad I made it to 43, it is actually really cool!

Even though, I do feel a bit weird about not having a job right now or anyone to share my day with, it is a good one.

I will fix these two problems someday, and it will be alright.  I can't expect an overnight fix can I?

Anyway, I feel great about myself and about the world I live in and I plan to do whatever it takes for me to make it in this world without assistance from anyone.

I hear there are new job openings at the college, and I am on the bus route.  They have benefits and they have free education if I ever want it...but I have to apply.

I am not going to dwell on that today, it is my Jane Austen birthday...I am watching  Jane Austen movies, and reading Pride & Prejudice...AGAIN!

I love Jane so spending my birthday isn't as bad as anyone thinks!!

Have a great day!!!

Basics Of Today

I have decided to abandon my reading of Stephen Covey for now since I don't think that this is a good route for me at the moment.

Instead, I want to focus on other things along the way.

I began writing in an old fashioned journal again.  I forgot how liberating this can be and how much fun I can have expressing myself in this way.  I also cannot remove any entries in it so it is a good thing to continue to do.

Over Christmas, I had gotten to a bad place in my heart and had to call on a friend to find out what was wrong...it seems that my past didn't like the new path I was taking and the vamp spider that had me in its grasp for a very long time was trying to regain control, but we took care of it and I am better now, for the most part.

I still can't find a job, but I am going to keep trying.  Something HAS to be out there for me!  I just know it is.

In the meantime, I am back to creating my realms as much as I possibly can and enjoying it.

I know I can do anything my heart is set on!

Happy 2013

It is time to start a new year and a new way of life.

I hope this journey takes me farther than I can ever dare to dream.

I hope I can learn more, grow more, and empower myself to be all that I can be in the coming year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!