Working On Me-The Sequel

I have been thinking about this long and hard since my last few posts about being on step ahead of crazies and the social media that is Facebook and the way it takes society out of social networking and so forth.


Now, I am frustrated yes but seriously I no longer care about getting put in that state of being.


Nor do I want to continue on with my job as it is.  I am tired of the drama from social networks and the unnecessary stress of the real world.


But what is a girl to do?  Does she hide her head in shame and wallow in depression or self pity?  No way!! Not me.  I don't like that state of madness anymore than the drama and stress.


My plan is simple yet going to be hard at times.


I am turning my personal habitat into a sanctuary where all I need and want is right in my own home. It will become a place of total serenity even when I am online doing what I need to do to satisfy the masses.


How do I do that, pray tell...well I will tell you in the most basic terms.


You see, I figured out that they reason why I am depressed as well is because of the tragic messy state of my home...yes, I live in a basic pigsty and I can offer excuses for that by saying that I am so tired from working six days I don't want to clean, but that isn't right since I know this is depression that guides my hands into this state of nasty.


So first off, I am going to get this place cleaned up and get it looking like a place I want to spend my time in, and KEEP it cleaned.  Once I start doing that it should be a good  start for me.


The second thing I need to do is start routines that help me get my life organized and allows for me to write on a daily basis...J.R. Ward writes everyday without vacation or sick days, I don't want to be like that, but I have figured out other things I can do in that regard.


Diana Gabaldon worked AND wrote, surely I can find my personal balance too.  I know I can do both.


I will also make sure I surround myself with the things that are familiar and comfortable for me.  Brands and things I know and trust to make me feel comfortable with my life.  I just need to know that in my home I am happy and content.


My routines will involve these things that I KNOW and trust on a regular basis. It will include meals and what shall be called SPA time.  That is, the time of night where I spend in my ablutions and actually turn the bathroom into a spa oasis that rejuvenates and relaxes me completely at night, but at the same time, when I get up in the morning, it is the preparation for my day ahead.


I will also limit my dining out to once or twice a month until I am sure I can afford it again.  I have food in my home, if I keep those basics for lunches-whether or not I get to take a lunch break or eat at the bus stop-I can save even more money.


I will also begin my days with a breakfast, orange juice and coffee along with vitamins.  I will eat lunch and make myself dinner every night, almost always at the same time so that I KNOW I have to do it.


Next on the list is living simply elegantly.  I would like to have a glass of wine with my dinners and read the Sunday newspaper while eating a lovely breakfast.  I will finish reading the classics and learn all that I can in this world of everything I can...


Eventually I will be able to afford to get Cable television, and I may have some shows that I will put into the routine as well.  I would love to be able to watch the third season of Downton Abby and enjoy most of the programs on PBS as they happen.  I am not an American Idol or reality television fan but maybe I can find a show that I cannot live without, like a lot of people I know do.


I will also re-engage in activities I used to participate in online.  My Jane Austen forum has been a place I have missed so much and would like to reconnect with.


I would like to reconnect with my real self in my email life.  Try to catch up and keep myself updated on my emails.  I am dreadfully behind in that arena as well. I forget who and what I do on them!!  


As for magick...yes, I will strive to work in that area as well, making myself a stronger witch and a smarter one at that!  When I can afford it, I will study to become a priestess in the craft.


Yes, that brings me to the other question...I am a witch, this is what keeps whispering itself in my head and it is what I am...I cannot deny this nor do I want to.  I will continue my studies and make sure I broaden my horizons in this manner as well.


All in all, I do believe I am working towards a better me....I am going to get myself a new organizer and use it daily to mark my progress and to keep myself...well. organized lol


I am also discovering a love for erotic romances and I am going to endeavor to read more of them and maybe they shall inspire the writer in me as well...though I would like to blog about the books I read, I shall start slowly and move forward...I have a blog that I will use for this project.


I want to work in my writing forum.  I have become very behind in it and want to add to its members list and very soon.  I can accomplish this in a few ways, and I will do so soon.  Role players are often brilliant writers and just need the encouragement and push to make the dream a reality.


I will get to all my favorite book review blogs and keep myself updated on them also.  I want to keep up with what is happening everywhere with all of my authors and I don't want to miss a thing.


I will also update my website, if I can.  Dreams Of The Blue Rose.  I haven't been there in a long time, but I think I need to do a lot of work on it and on me.


Yes, this is a lot that I want to accomplish, but I need to do them in order for me to feel like I am accomplishing everything I want to do...and I am not letting down friends.


I do admit that some of this stems from a bit of envy for a good friend who does write and is publishing some of her works.  I want to be like that, to be able to write and be published and not be left behind because I am wasting my day and my life with excuses.  Nikki Noffsinger inspires me to WANT to be like that, even if she doesn't see it herself.  


I want to write what I love and share it with the world!!


I know this is a lot to ask of myself and the world thinks I may be crazy to try this all at one time, but I can't help WANTING a better me.  Of wanting my dreams to come true!!


I want to do this, to be a better me and to show those people who are around me that I am capable of everything that I set my heart and mind to!!

Jane Eyre

I watched the 2011 version of Jane Eyre, based on the classic novel by Charlotte Bronte.


I have attempted to watch other versions of this movie, but so far have not found this book to spark an interest in me until now.


The actors are perfect and you have an eye candy of sorts in Mr. Rochester...I think I would love such a man as that. LOL


I love Judy Dench in this!! She is another of my favorite Madame Actresses from across the pond!  She is smart and intelligent and beautiful at the same time.


Jane Eyre is brilliantly written as a screen play and has sparked my interest in actually reading the novel. I am resolved to do so as soon as I can.


Though the book doesn't inspire me to write in a way such as the authoress nor does the movie, but it does give me something more in the way of broadening my horizons and giving me what I want so much of this world.


I will buy the book soon, and the movie but right now, I have to wait since I have lost my check card and I cannot do much financially just yet, but I do have the book on my Kindle since it is free and I will start reading it then.


This book reminds me of a more cleaned up version of a Charles Dickens novel...dark, dreary but with a possible ending that gives the reader hope.


I am going to like finding out more about Ms. Bronte and her novels.

So Tired Of The Stupidity!

I am so tired lately, I cannot begin to say why except that people are crazy!!


I know I have mentioned it before but the people I work with can be very bipolar in nature and it makes me wonder why.  It is just a job, we do it, get through it and go home only to begin again tomorrow.


The people I hang with online just irritate me even more!!  Some of them act like they care but they don't.  They continue to do the things they do and hurt others without conscious thought to anyone else.


The problem with being on social sites like Facebook and Myspace is that it takes the humanity out of it all.  You become a profile to others and not a real person on the other side of the internet connection line.  You are an object to them and it is really sad to me!!  People don't think about that and unconsciously hurt someone they will NEVER meet in this world face to face.  Someone that in REALITY they would NEVER think of hurting at all!!


I am about to chuck the whole thing and concentrate on my writing and on me since others seem to have issues online.  Nobody wants to work towards helping others or doing the right thing.  It is getting to be a waste of my time and effort anymore.


I am longing for simpler days online when I could get on my yahoo messenger and chat with NORMAL people and go to my blogs and just write or to Myspace and post on people's walls who don't have any agenda but having friends online to laugh and joke with.  


I miss the days of Awaiting Diana and regular emails with people to chat about books or hang loose with them.  I also miss Covenspace and the way things were there...easy, magickal and inspirational.


I want the past back, yes, but at the same time I want more in this life!  I am so tired of all the petty things going on, it kills me.


Don't get me wrong, I love Pagan Place but I need to get there more often and commune with my fellow witches and I need to get back to writing and enjoying the good times that always gave me.


I also miss my sanctuaries...my park and the library in my hometown where I didn't have to hide who I was and be what and who I am...never to be confused by crazy issues.


I miss being able to drive anywhere I wanted to go and live a good and easy life of just being alive.


I can't say I miss my old jobs since they were always stressful and a pain in my ass but I can honestly say I miss the easy routines I had once kept, including the old apartment I had.  I do miss living there.  It was a place of self discovery to me and I found out who and what I am...now I am afraid I don't comprehend anything about myself.  


I want ME back!!  I want the person I am supposed to be.


This week I am going to work on figuring out how to go about that!!

I Wish People Would Get Real!!

I like my job, I really do, but the people I work with are crude and crass and ignorant of anything!


Two of them act like they are better than the rest until I pull the big words out of my lexicon and blast them in the brain!  I can see the confusion and fear in their eyes when I do.  It is enough to make a girl want to scream!


The one guy I work with is such a whiner for a guy!!  Every time I turn around he is crying about something or tattling to the manager about things!  I have learned to pretend to be patient with the guy and keep my mouth shut because he will squeal!


Everyone there show such inconsideration it drives me nuts...then they want me to show them respect?  It is crazy!


The general manager is a good person, though young, she is trying hard to do things the company way and to help me out in her own way but sometimes she forgets the things she says she will help me with...though she is genuinely happy that I am finally getting close to 40 hours a week, I cannot stop but think that this young woman needs more experience in not only this business but in dealing with human beings before holding so much responsibility.


Her little cohort and stupid sidekick is such a liar, you know she is doing it and you have to keep your mouth shut because she has somehow managed to kiss enough ass and wheedle and lie her way into her upper positition-which isn't much.  She is bossy and does NOT know how to handle people.  Originally she was laughed out of the room when she wanted that position being told she doesn't have the skills and abilities it takes to BE in that positition...so, what did she do?  She made sure she got the people out of there she wanted out and then threw many under the bus and lied her way into the position and we all know that all it takes is a lot of complaints to UPPER management to get her gone and sooner or later someone WILL do it, and I will back them.


I have nothing against this woman except her desire and need to attempt to belittle people and try to over rule the general manager's words right in front of her...and the general manager doesn't say anything!!!  If this woman DOES more to make me mad there and continues her little Hitler attitudes then I am going to say something for the first time in nearly a year since I started working for the company.


I am tired of the stress of some idiot who can't treat people with a little human dignity yet wants everyone to respect here...it isn't happening.  I will never respect her any more than I respect Obama!!!  I respect the postions they hold but as for the people NO!!


Beside that fact, this woman is ignorant and she is backwards in her speech and her manners.  She is nothing but trailer trash and knows it, that is why she does what she does.


Forgive me, but ANYONE who has gone to college and gotten a degree HAD to have taken an English class or two and this woman's English is atrocious!!  It makes me ill!  I am half tempted the next time I hear her  talk to say: "Um, didn't they teach you any English in your basic courses at college?"  Just to be a smart ass and to show the rest of them that many of the things she says it totally untrue!!  I would like our GM to catch her in at least one lie or two so she can see the woman for what she is!!  A conniving little whore-ish backstabbing bitch.


I can see this woman stabbing our general manager in the back soon!  She has done it before and I know she has no qualms about stabbing another GM in the back, and this time a very naive one at that!


Despite this, I love this job and just want to do it with my own vast experience without this woman getting in my way or telling me I am wrong, especially when she was 17 when I started working in this profession!!!  She is a looser and she knows it!!  I cannot wait to see her fall and she will, I can see that too!!

Downton Abbey

I have fallen in love with a new British series.  PBS Materpiece Theater Downton Abbey.


It is a wonderful British drama set in the early 1920's about an aristocrat family right after the Titanic sank and before and during and after World War I.  


The show takes you between the classes, from the family that owns the house and their servants below stairs.  


The cast is rich and diverse and the focus isn't just on one or two people, but the struggle each family member and staff member goes through on a daily basis.


While I don't like Mary Crawly very much, she does grow on you a bit, but it is the way the family treats their servants and their people that make me love the show.  To the family, the servants aren't just there to do a job, but a part of them, and they recognize this fact throughout the entire series.


The first season has us seeing different things like trying to figure out how to live with an heir to the estate who isn't a son of the family and trying to marry him off to the eldest, only to have things change and attitudes.  You can see a love grow between the future Earl of Grantham-Matthew Crawly and Mary Crawly the daughter of the present Earl.


You see below stairs the same thing that has been going on since the beginning of time...people of the lower classes working hard to better themselves and elevate their positions in life by either stabbing others in the back on their climb up or working diligently to work honestly.


You also see something that delights me very much...Anna Smith, a maid for the ladies of the house and the new valet-Mr. Bates (played by my very favorite Brendan Coyle) begin a budding romance of sorts...he is an older man, but he is still very handsome, and Anna loves him very much as does he.


The second season takes us through World War I and makes you think of many things as the household staff has to adjust to the changes of the times and the young men going off to war.  It is a sad time as loss comes constantly to the family and the staff, but they all pull through and become involved, turning Downton into a hospital,


In this season, you see more substance from the younger two daughters of the family-Edith and Cybil!  The two start out struggling to find a way to be useful along with their mother, and in the course of time, they find it in the soldiers in different ways-Cybil becoming a nurse, and Edith just being there and doing odd bits and things for them.


In this season, changes to the Mary/Matthew relationship change even more as they become engaged to different people, but they still love one another and worry constantly about each other.  The only person in this is Mary's fiancee whom we instantly dislike, but Matthew's is one that even Mary cannot help but like and they become kindred spirits of sorts.  I loved that very much about this series! 


Dame Maggie Smith has always been one of my favorite actresses!!  She is beautiful and even now, I cannot help but hope that when I become and elder myself, I can only be as beautiful and refined as she is.  She plays the Dowager Duchess and she is very funny and lovable even in her cantakorous and classic ways.  You cannot help but love this character, even if she can be a pain in the bottom!


Hugh Bonneville plays the Earl of Grantham and I am so delighted with this since I adore him and the actress who plays his wife, Elizabeth McGovern.  They both make this so much more fun and interesting...especially since he finds himself the object of a slight crush from a maid in the second season...


What is fun about this series is that romance IS NOT limited to the younger set or the upper class.  It is centered around different couples and it is unique in each one!  I love that the older men do not get slighted in the least here!


I cannot wait for the PBS airing of the show beginning in September!  I am hoping that by then my finances with be smooth so that I can afford to get Cable television again and be able to watch the show rather than wait to buy the next season or borrow it from Netflix to see it.


I can honestly say that I am a huge fan of this show now!!