Replacing The Old

I have decided that as I clean my apartment, I am going to replace a lot of the things that are old or chipped.  

For example, my dishes are so old and chipped, they need to be thrown out.  I want to replace them with more festive and pretty patterns...

I have already replaced my table cloth and it has brightened my mood.

Now, I can't replace everything right now because of financial issues, but I can do this over time and as I have the money to do so.  It is another slow going process, but it will happen.

I am also going to pull a Truvy from Steel Magnolias and decorate for the holidays, I think that if I have these physical signs, they will help lift my spirits...even seasonal decorating will help keep me from feeling down or depressed.  

It would also encourage me to want to have people over every once in a while to entertain and not feel so lonely!

I am still working on the cleaning aspect of my home right now, clearing out the messes and giving myself more space, it is liberating for me.  I don't feel so exhausted when I come home from work and see messes everywhere, but clean places.

I have one more big bill to pay off, and I know I can do that by the middle or end of July and I will be fine.  This bill is my electric and it will be great because I don't want to start out the winter in debt and unable to pay the bill.  I am excited because this will mean that I am caught up to the point I need to be.

I am not getting forty hours a week at my job right now because it is summer and this business is kind of slow, but I am doing what I can to make 30-35 every week so I can afford to eat and live.

I am working on getting my routines in order so that I can write.  The biggest problem I have is that I am too tired to go online at night or on my computer.  I am remedying this by starting to take vitamins and eating well, this includes  having food in my fridge so I don't get tempted to go eat out at a restaurant all the time, and waste that money.

Work is alright, I am doing my protection and empowerment ritual every morning to make sure that things go well, and I am at the point where I have shut out most of what the people at work do or say so it doesn't get to me...it is just easier this way.  

I am trying not to participate in the complaining sessions at lunch time.  I can't find a spot to go to get away from this or them, but I am learning to tune it all out.  I am half tempted to take my Kindle to work with me so I can read it and ignore them.  I am still trying to figure out my new mp3 so that I can tune them out that way as I work.

I am also working on my bad language habits.  I am replacing the bad with good and trying to think in a positive way.  It will be good karma for me.

I am reading more these days and playing around less.  I like this because it helps me fill space.

I am also considering those projects I talked about in the past...maybe doing one or two or even starting a book review blog might be fun...who knows, but I will eventually try.

Slowly But Surely

I am reading Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I started this book a while ago, but never really finished it.  I don't know why since it is a book that can help me with this organization issue I seem to be having.

The book is about changing your mind set to be a more successful person who is able to accomplish the things they want to do in life.  

Since starting the book, I am finding myself looking at things from different angles and wondering what is next for me to do.  

So far, the changes are coming in the form of fixing the financial mess that is my immediate goal to fix and trying to overcome this need to have a messy home.

I am working slowly towards getting the house organized, getting one or two areas cleared out at a time so that I don't feel so crowded. This is something else I am hoping to have accomplished by the end of July.

My newest favorite phrase at home is:  " Why do I still have this???  Why do I need this?  And why did I get it to begin with?"  This helps when getting rid of the junk in my house.

I also have a new favorite mantra at the store:  "Do I need this?"  So far this is working for me a great deal!  I just need to get into the habit of using coupons and shopping lists.

I am getting there, slowly but surely!

Routines, Writing, and Laziness

I have begun a new phase of my life in the ALA.  I am not saying what because I have to do it in a way that is balanced and good for both them and me.

I am also working on myself as a person...again!  

I know, I know, I keep saying these things, but I have to do them to make myself feel like I am on the right track in life.

I have sat up a few nights this month thinking about the things that I am and what I want to accomplish and again finding new ideas in my mind to try.  I am thinking about adding many to my daily life if I can.

Every day, I have been doing little bits to change things in my apartment to make it feel more homey rather than just a place to make another mess and sit around doing nothing.

I am also contemplating the idea of doing a book review blog.  I am going to talk to a few people and find out how to do this.  

I want to do one that is suited to my tastes in reading.  It would be nice to add that to my life.

Although, I still want to write books...maybe I can do something like that soon.  I keep watching my friends on Facebook who are getting published and wanting that so bad.

Then again, in order for that to happen, I need to WRITE and soon.

I have rooted out the reason for my issues...I am a bit lazy when it comes to this and that is why I am trying to establish the other routines so that I can add this in and make is something that is just done without me thinking about it.  

I need to get over this laziness and move on with my life.

Life at work is still basically the same, but I am learning to tune the others out.  I am doing better at the new things they are teaching me and I hope I am becoming an asset to my job.  

Life is ok.

Understanding The Masses

I am not sure why, but I feel like I am in a weird place these days.

I am thankful for my job and a paycheck, but for some reason, I find myself irritated with the place and the people.

Part of me is thinking of how many of them never change and are always negative.  Then again, this job is kind of like my life and my family..."Don't say anything."

The reason I feel that way about my job is because I know that if I voice the things I like or like to do they will make fun of me or talk about it behind my back.  They try to make me feel inferior because of the things I like and enjoy.  I don't understand this philosophy.

It is crazy because many of these people are uneducated and very ignorant.  They like to make others feel less than what they are.  They don't want to believe that there is more to life than a drink or ten after work and sitting around watching  Dancing With The Stars or some other unintelligent program that seems to bombard the networks these days.

To them, because I like Jane Austen and reading the classics, or my ALA or bettering myself, I am the one to be made fun of...an example is the young man I wrote about a while ago...he too wants to better himself (not be better than them or above them), and they are constantly making stupid comments about him.  It is so sad!

There is more to life than living that kind of existence...and I want that...so does R.  We want to be human beings who have opinions and intelligent thoughts.  I may not always agree with R, but we can  have conversations based on the things we learn and intelligence and agree to disagree on a few subjects and not make the other feel inferior, but that much better about themselves than these other people try to make us.

And maybe that is the problem at work...inferiority complexes that make them feel that putting down others will lift them up and make them feel better about themselves....I don't know, I am grasping for explanations here and trying my best to understand this.

The only thing I know right now is that I am going to  have to amp up my protection and empowerment rituals every morning and work on shedding the negative as I walk home from work every day so I do NOT fall back into the old routines that Laura Stamps and I worked so hard to eliminate from my life.

I am going to be myself and if they don't like it, I don't care.  I will protect myself, empower myself, organize myself and be ME!!!  They will not push their defeatist inferiority complexes over on to me.

MUAH!!!!!

Updating and Such

The new job is going well.  I am happy and grateful to have a job so I am not doing much complaining.

I am learning new things at the job but I see a lot of the same old same old there!

I am working on getting myself back on track and working towards a healthier self.  I can't wait to see what happens in the next few weeks.

A friend and I are doing a new blog about Diana Gabaldon...it is about as many things as we can do, even a re-read discussion on the books.  It will be fun and I cannot wait to get going!!

I am having trouble with my internet and it is making me crazy, I am trying for patience but it isn't working...I think I need to find a new outlet for the upset..I don't know why, but it is irritating to keep trying and I am searching for a better and more affordable internet provider.

This month should start proving to be financially better.  I am hoping by the end of July to be able to have all my bills up to date and down to a reasonable amount for each.

Life is alright at home as of now.  I am hoping to get things going that I want to have out there and running.

Sadness In Perpetuating Lies

I am beginning to suspect two friends of lying.  It is all online, and I understand that people are never honest online, but since I talk to one of these two and they are mother and son in real life and they lie about him, it is hard for me to keep silent about it.

While I am not upset about this, these two have themselves and the world convinced that he is someone he is not and for some reason neither of them seem to realize that it is easy to Google the truth, and that this is not right.  He posts pictures that he passes off as himself...

The thing about this that worries me is that you can find the actual person on Youtube in interviews and his own website with information that is totally different...mainly, the actual person is a straight married man who is about five years older than my friend.

The other problem has been that the things they tell me don't match up to the person himself.  While they lie about his identity, they slip up and share reality with everyone online and with me when I talk to the mother.

I don't know why this woman insists on perpetuating these lies by involving herself in them and laughing over it.  It is nuts and wrong.  He is a young man, and a father of 3 children...though I question this situation a lot because some parts of this story have me scratching my head and the pictures they send me of the youngest seem odd and not a match for things.  This does more harm than good to these two.  

The worst part about this is that he has his boyfriend convinced he is this other person and it explains why this young man really doesn't want to meet the guy in real life since they only met online.  This is going to hurt the boyfriend, who is a friend of mine and a veteran of this country...he doesn't deserve this kind of pain after the ten years and five tours he did in Afghanistan and Iraq.  This young man is being totally selfish, self centered and self absorbed.  It is not going to be good...if this man discovers the truth from anywhere else other than his lover he will never be able to trust this young man again...even if he forgives him, he will have a hard time believing the young man and always wonder what other lies he is being fed.

These two have made a lot of people believe these lies, and as I believed some of them myself, I am in a place where I cannot be angry...it isn't my place to be angry or get involved.  I am going to wait to see what happens and if they tell the truth on their own.  

There are times when he posts a picture of something that is real and it doesn't match the image he is trying to portray.  Even his postings don't make much sense in this regard.

I know they are good people and if they tell the truth to me, I will tell them I already know and it is alright.  I won't be the one to out them to others...even here, I am keeping their identities secret (though I hope a certain person never sees this blog post).  

Believe me, I want to  say something to them right now, but it is hard when I know they will get defensive....I may accidentally slip up one day, but I am trying hard right now to learn discretion in this situation.

Oh well, people are never completely honest  online and that is alright because they are trying to protect their identity, but to go overboard like this and believe it yourself seems a bit much.  I hope he comes clean some day in the future.