I do believe that I am not being totally honest with myself spiritually. Recently, I had a friend tell me that I am a witch, and I have helped in other ways on the other site with friends. I didn't do it intentionally, and I wasn't out to do any harm.

However, yet again I find myself searching for the spiritual answers to the questions I have been seeking. I don't know how much of what I believe is Christianity and what is Wicca. I do know that I am questioning Christianity a lot lately. I am not doubting the life, teachings and death of Jesus, but I am thinking that this path isn't exactly right for me...I am still having trouble with the single male Deity in my mind. I am also having trouble with a lot of things.

When I went to my last Mass two weeks ago, I couldn't hear what I needed to hear. I felt nothing in that church...no answers there. However, when I went to the Goddess and asked her, I found the answers I sought. I have been back and forth because I never want to make a mistake in my faith and spirituality.

I do believe I am a Witch and I believe that I am capable of doing things on that level...it's not about magick, it's about my spirituality and what I want to do with myself. I refuse to leave this in half measures. It is an all or nothing way for me to go...I can't fake it either, or make myself follow ways that I am always questioning as right.

Now, for Nej and all of my friends all over the net who love to read my poetry....I finally set up the site for my poetry. I have posted fifty of them so far, and the blog can be seen through here...http://dreamsofthebluerose.blogspot.com/ I will be posting all of my work in this blog, and move forward from there...it is best to start at the beginning and take your time through the rest...I am working everyday to pull all of my work from Live Journal, Myspace, and the other site here. I will post poetry on those sites too, but I just want everything consolidated in one spot for my convenience...lol

I don't think I got that job, and I didn't call because the holidays are so hectic, things may still change soon...besides, I have been working my backside off with my two jobs and my car is driving me insane!! I have gotten to rest a bit, but I have a feeling that all of the stresses of the past weeks have started to take their toll on me...I am just getting through everyday as best that I can and hoping to see some positive feedback sooner or later.

Moving out of my mother's house will probably be delayed for a month because of my car situation-although, there is a husband of one of the women I work with who will fix it for the price of the parts and a little extra-he understands that times are rough for everyone. He will probably get to fix it tomorrow. It needs a tune up first and foremost.

Now, I am off to post a few more poems....

No News As Of Yet....Keep Praying Though

No news about the job yet...however yesterday a lot of companies were off for Veteran's Day, so maybe they were too and my interviewer forgot about that...ah well, I have until tomorrow night, and if they don't call, then I may call them.

I have been praying for this since I went on the first interview and I have this feeling that things will be alright and they will go well.

After blogging Saturday, I went home and sat on the couch...the last thing I remember is hearing the National Anthem sung for Nascar...I woke up in the middle of Wheel of Fortune. I am so burnt out working all these days in a row, yet I am trying to keep a positive spin on things...I know that sooner or later this is going towards some wonderful things-my own home and my own space.

I moved into my brother's room Sunday, so now I have some privacy now. I am glad because it makes it easier for me to sit down with pen and paper and write...and for prayer and meditation on my Faith. I am thankful for that.

I have yet to tell the people on that one site about what I am and what I have decided spiritually. I will wait for a while, and hopefully one or two will ask me what it is that I have found that gives me peace...there are at least three people on that site that I know of who are truly deluding themselves on their faith ( I know this because of they way they write their blogs, and they way they refer to God first). I am not going to push the issue, and I am not really going to say anything straight out, I like the thought that they don't know and they can't fight apologetics with me on this (let's face it, there are some "Christian Wiccans" on that site that are about three steps away from Catholics in their beliefs-how hard would it be to tell them about what I know, and what would they think?)...The guy that I was supposed to be with is one of those people who started out life as a Catholic, and I believe that he is still with the Faithful in his heart even if his mind fights it...there is one other and she is the one I am most concerned with right now because she is going along two paths that aren't meant for her and they make no sense at all...she spends time contradicting herself (in matters of the heart and spiritually).

I have the night off...I am going to go find a Starbucks and indulge for a little while...or I may go to the Catholic Shop and find something good to occupy my mind for the remainder of the day...lol I will go to bed at a decent hour tonight, since I have a lot of praying to do tonight for myself and for others.

I have been on fire with my faith lately, and I am so glad that I am...it opens up my world even more, and gives me peace....a promise Jesus gave-His peace...
~Karol Lynn

p.s. I may change the title to this blog...but not just yet.

Smile

I think I am burnt out. I have not had a real day of in 14 days, so I believe that my attitude and patience went flying out the window today. Maybe I will take a nap when I get home, I need it bad.

I have been doing something new lately. I have been fantasizing about being in that new job (assuming that I get the second interview first, and the job second), and having a new home. Doing this helps lift my spirits while I am doing a job that is really starting the get on my nerves. I think about what it's going to be like, and what I am going to get to do...what I will need after we move my stuff in. I am getting very excited about the endless possibilities.

I wanted to say that I do love my mother and I am grateful and thankful that she has been there and has helped me, but sometimes I feel like she isn't doing it because she loves me, but because she feels obligated to and that she is trying to use me in this situation too. It makes me have mixed emotions about the whole thing, and I need to get out.

I like my second job, but I have a feeling that this job isn't for me, really. So, I am praying really hard for that second interview and praying that whatever Father wills, I will be able to handle whatever comes my way, and be grateful and thankful for it...although, the greedy side of me is hoping that I get the job. I will give more details on that as soon as I hear more.

I am trying to write as much as I can so that I keep in the habit of being on this blog. Sometimes finding things to write about can be a pain, but in my case, it is a great big help in keeping me from letting my emotions get bottled up.

This blog keeps me spiritually centered too. If I am thinking of good things to write about, it brings up my heart and I am able to smile for the rest of the day. I have things to say that make others happy too, and that's a good thing. What was that old saying from Steel Magnolias? "Smile, it increases your face value"? Dolly Parton said it, I believe...well, I guess my face is worth a fortune at this point....lol Now I have that old song "Get Happy" from the movie with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly called Summerstock (remember the tuxedo/black hose/top hat deal that Liza eventually made even MORE famous?) "Forget all your troubles, come on get happy"...I have no idea as to why this song is on my mind now.

I believe that I will sit down and find a great movie to watch tonight...popcorn and hot cocoa sound like a winner to me.....
~Karol Lynn

Job Interview

I went for a job interview today. It went very well.

My interviewer told me that when she saw my application, she "knew exactly where I should go within the company". It is a receptionist/cashier/technician type of job within this company...the pay is from $9-$11 an hour, and I would be able to work with people and by myself (she got this from the fact that I work in a dry cleaners during the day-a solitary job, and a restaurant at night-a job that requires people skills).

They will let me know if I come in for a second interview between Monday and Wednesday of next week...I did well today, let's pray that I can do well when I go back. Hopefully by December 1 I will have a new job and a new home all in one...wouldn't that be the best ending to this year.

Before and after my interview, I prayed and asked for prayers. I was amazed at how positive things went because I walked in the place and my first thought was that there was a chance that I wouldn't get the job. I prayed for Father's will in this and asked Him to show me how to handle this gracefully...whatever was to happen, would indeed happen and I would accept it as Father's plans for me. It looks like I will continue to pray for His will in this one. Hopefully others will help me in those prayers.

I do believe that my life is getting a lot smoother since I started coming back home to Him, and praying. Every where I turn there is evidence of Christ filled moments, and moments where I can fill the world with Christ without smothering the world...unless you are here...and I am sure that once things get back to normal for me, then I will tone down the Father and Jesus talk all of the time....lol

It was a funny day, I forgot that I didn't have pantyhose, and I couldn't find my shoes. I had to get dressed at my other job and then went shoe shopping-then it dawned on me that another "intimate garment" was missing from my wardrobe today and it is rather cold outside to be going around like that in a dress...I had to buy all three at the local Meijer store. I wonder what was running throught the cashier's mind as I paid for a pair of dress shoes, pantyhose, and another intimate item at once...that must have been some funny thoughts going through her mind......

~Karol Lynn