Changes, Health, and the Courage to Live Courageously

I am thinking about the song Cauldron of Changes a lot lately.  I feel like the song is telling me something in this time.

I know that I have been very negative in the last six months, and it comes from how I have not been able to protect myself from my coworkers and all of the psychic draining going on from all directions there.  I know that I need to find a different job, and do so quickly.  This has not been good for me at all.

At the end of May I joined a walking challenge in my area.  The goal was to log in a million steps, and the community that got the most would get a play set for their neighborhood playground.  

I have logged a LOT of steps since then, and it has encouraged me to begin working out.  I joined a gym, and will begin on Monday morning.  I am excited about this, and I am looking forward to seeing the results of the hard work I plan to put in.

I have changed many of my eating habits over the last two months as well. I have had trouble sleeping, and waking every day, and I often get sick or have no energy.  I know these are part of aging and lack of good eating habit.

I cut back on meat to the bare minimum, cut back the caffeine and sugar, and drink more water.  I am feeling better, and I am thinking that adding more greens, fruits and vegetable is next on the list.

I also feel the past calling to me. I often feel like I shouldn't be here in this place and area.

I do miss my hometown, but sometimes I feel like I am missing somewhere else, more than one place...I can't help this feeling, but I don't want to do past life regression, I don't know why. I do wonder, but I am not going to go backwards when I know that the circle of life will only bring me around to where I need to be, and to learn what I need to learn.

I have a feeling that part of the lessons that I must learn in this lifetime are patience, courage, and learning to be who I am without reservations.  

I think my failures and restlessness come from these lessons.  

Patience seems to be the only one that has started to take root in my life.  I am less able to get frustrated by anything that doesn't happen right away. Time is showing me that the Goddess is helping me bring my world to where it needs to be.

I have problems with courage. I can't seem to stand up for myself most days.  I waffle on what I want, and try to do what others want.  I fear talking about my path with my family because I fear what they will say or think of me, so I often hide it.  I know that they will love me no matter what, but I fear their words and thoughts about me, my stepmother is a prime example, next to my father.

I am constantly explaining myself to others in all of my actions everywhere.  I always feel like I get taken advantage because of my lack of courage to say no or say what is truly in my mind. I need to overcome this and work on who I am supposed to be.

July is becoming a month for change for me, I am finding a new job, working on myself, and learning to be courageous.

Blessed be

Raven Pegasus

Celtic Woman - The Voice Lyrics

This song has always resonated with me, in my heart.  


I often feel like the past, present and future are all calling me to live they mysteries with courage and conviction.

Crap Just Keeps Happening!

So much craziness has gone on over the last month or so..

I have had to work so much that I can barely do much of anything except eat and sleep.  

Now that work is slowing down and we are getting the help we need, I can finally relax and do the things I want to do, and finally get a weekend off.

It is time to start meditating again and searching my creative soul once again.  I feel and hear the voice of my poet trying to come out again, but I can barely hear her above the craziness of the world around me.

In the last few weeks of overtime and saving, I was able to get a television, cable, internet, mobile and home phones at a price I can afford.  I will be able to get online more often and do more writing as time goes by.  

My witchy soul is crying out for a good old fashioned pagan weekend, and I believe that will be this weekend, after a few chores, that is.  

I  still haven't done a lot to change my diet, but am beginning to change some things out such as sugar and excessive caffeine. Little by little, I will work on making sure that I eat better.

Litha is right around the corner, and I am excited!  I can't wait for it!

I haven't had the energy to do any ritual or spell work in the last few months, and mentally, I have felt drained from my job.  I won't practice when I am in that state of mind for fear of backlash.

I am glad that I haven't because I probably would have tried to do harm to others who have treated me wrong at work...and there have been quite  a few of those lately.

I am still working on opening my throat chakra so that I can speak my mind and clearly tell others to stop the madness when it comes to me.

There is one issue that keeps bothering me, and that is how people treat me.  For some reason, they mistake my kindness for being a doormat.  I have begun to speak up when I think it matters, but I am still being treated like I am supposed to be the resident maid service and servant.  It is time that I stop whining about this, suppressing my feelings and thoughts and voice them very clearly...it is time to stand up for myself.

While I am at it, it is also time for me to remember to do daily protection work so that I can let this all blow off me.  I have forgotten to do that lately because of all the work that I have been doing lately.

I think that if I start practicing again, things will get better.  While I had been doing these things before, I was more peaceful and less stressed.  

I moved my alter into my bedroom, but didn't really set it up again, I will be moving it back into my living room so that I can do what needs to be done daily.

With things settling down, I think that I will be alright.

Right now, I will just refresh my mind and spirit so that I can get to the other side of this particular hurdle and go back on my Wiccan way.

Blessed be

Next Steps, Standing Up For Myself

Beltaine is right around the corner, and I am ready for it!

Don't get me wrong, winter is good, but I love getting outdoors and playing in the sun, watching the flowers bloom.

This month has been hard on me at work.  For some reason, it seems like I take four steps forward and one back...I can't win at my job.  

I wanted to take my Saturdays off from now on, but it seems that my boss keeps finding reasons for me to work on Saturdays.  I used to only take one Saturday a month off so that I could get myself financially back on track. Now that I have done that and am ready to take every other Saturday lime everyone else there, starting in April, it seems that everyone and everything is conspiring against me.

It's time I did a spell to give me strength to say NO and the courage to do what is necessary to get what I need, like everyone else.  I am tired of being meek, and letting them all walk all over me.

I need to learn to put my foot down and remember that I am important too, and I have rights as well.

I have also begun the re-read of Outlander and am blogging about it on my other site.  It is time to get all of my ducks in a row and finish what I started.

My alter is set up and growing.  I am happy about that, and can't wait until it is the way I truly want it so that I can honor the Goddess and the God.  I am looking forward to its growth along with my own in the Craft.  

I have also gotten my home organized and where it needs to be, and have been knitting up a storm, preparing myself for fulfilling my future goals in this area.

For the month of May, I will continue to organize, plan, and work on the things I need to do in order to make my life what it needs to be. I can't quit now, I have come so far, and I know good thinks will come from all of this very soon.

I have been thinking about my poetry lately, and I can't wait for everyone to see it on Dreams Of The Blue Rose!  I have finally gotten my magickal self back, and I am loving every minute of who and what I am...and what is coming out of all of this!!

Everyone have a great weekend!
Raven

Marching Forward

I know it has been a while since I have blogged, life has been a bit weird for the last few months.

I have been working on refreshing my mind and practicing a bit of Wicca and setting up my alter. I know that it has taken me a long time to finally do this here in my home, but I needed to get the apartment settled before I could create the spaces I needed for magickal practice and feel secure in my home.

At this point, I have been able to gather all of tools that called to me except two, and they are my censor and my BOS.  I don't mind the fact that I cannot find a BOS because I am once again at the starting point in my traditions and life, and would prefer to wait until I have at least two thirds of my craft created before I can make it permanent.  I am content to use a binder for now. The censor will come when the time is right and we are aligned.

I am still working on getting my home settled.  I have already been searching out a nice television and a few other household necessities that I need for daily living.  I know that I have been taking a long time to do this, mainly because I had been so uncomfortable living in this place, but I have been here about eleven months, and I am finally accepting this place as mine, even if the surrounding area makes me very uncomfortable.

My finances finally stabilized so that I will be able to continue to obtain the necessities for my home and magickal life.  I have been able to fill my cupboards and get everything under control.  Things will be fine now.
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I have also been able to get my insurances through my work, and come August, I will have vacation time coming to me...it is just too bad that I quit my job last year and had to restart everything over again because I would have had my vacation pay by now....but then again, I wouldn't have been able to get that raise and the added bonus that comes with it had I not come back.  I wouldn't also have been able to show my boss the extent of my experience and knowledge of the business.  I am now in a position where they know that I can perform any job within the department and in the other department, and they can use that to their benefit since they know I will do it.

The next two or three steps in this year long transformation is working on my diet and health.  I don't need to loose weight, but I want to live a healthier lifestyle, so eating better will be my goal starting April 1. I know I said that I wanted to become vegan, and that may yet happen, but in order to do that, I will have to start slowly and integrate more organic foods into the mix as well as slowly eliminating the junk food...since I am currently cutting those back by leaps and bounds these days, that isn't much of a problem.

I have also become lazy these last few months, I rely on the bus to get to places that would normally take me ten to fifteen minutes to walk.  I need to stop this and get my body moving more.  I also have come to rely on the grocery store delivery service for my groceries.  While this is a good service, I could use the exercise in carrying some of the groceries.  

I have stopped eating at restaurants once a week though. That saved money and helped me stop eating junk as often.

There is one more thing that needs to start going again, and that is knitting on a daily basis.  I want to get my yarn business going, but this is another area where I have become lax. The problem had become my obsession with Asian programs and watching subtitled shows.  I can't knit and read the subtitles at the same time, so I have neglected my knitting.  So, it is time to change that and limit my Netflix and other venues to watching the shows that I can listen to while knitting.

I have also been very lazy about keeping up with my knitting blog and other sites that I usually spend time in...that will change as time goes by.

For now, things are moving along, and I am going to work towards my life goals for the rest of this year, and make things happen so that I no longer need to worry about bad things happening.

Spring is here, and with it comes the promise of beauty all around us, warmer weather and new beginnings with flowers, April showers, sunshine, and animals coming back or awakening from the long winter nap...I think I was one of those particular creatures.  I am ready for the rest of my life. 

Blessed Be

Happy Birthday

One year away from being a half century old!!  I am excited!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!