I know that I have been very negative in the last six months, and it comes from how I have not been able to protect myself from my coworkers and all of the psychic draining going on from all directions there. I know that I need to find a different job, and do so quickly. This has not been good for me at all.
At the end of May I joined a walking challenge in my area. The goal was to log in a million steps, and the community that got the most would get a play set for their neighborhood playground.
I have logged a LOT of steps since then, and it has encouraged me to begin working out. I joined a gym, and will begin on Monday morning. I am excited about this, and I am looking forward to seeing the results of the hard work I plan to put in.
I have changed many of my eating habits over the last two months as well. I have had trouble sleeping, and waking every day, and I often get sick or have no energy. I know these are part of aging and lack of good eating habit.
I cut back on meat to the bare minimum, cut back the caffeine and sugar, and drink more water. I am feeling better, and I am thinking that adding more greens, fruits and vegetable is next on the list.
I also feel the past calling to me. I often feel like I shouldn't be here in this place and area.
I do miss my hometown, but sometimes I feel like I am missing somewhere else, more than one place...I can't help this feeling, but I don't want to do past life regression, I don't know why. I do wonder, but I am not going to go backwards when I know that the circle of life will only bring me around to where I need to be, and to learn what I need to learn.
I have a feeling that part of the lessons that I must learn in this lifetime are patience, courage, and learning to be who I am without reservations.
I think my failures and restlessness come from these lessons.
Patience seems to be the only one that has started to take root in my life. I am less able to get frustrated by anything that doesn't happen right away. Time is showing me that the Goddess is helping me bring my world to where it needs to be.
I have problems with courage. I can't seem to stand up for myself most days. I waffle on what I want, and try to do what others want. I fear talking about my path with my family because I fear what they will say or think of me, so I often hide it. I know that they will love me no matter what, but I fear their words and thoughts about me, my stepmother is a prime example, next to my father.
I am constantly explaining myself to others in all of my actions everywhere. I always feel like I get taken advantage because of my lack of courage to say no or say what is truly in my mind. I need to overcome this and work on who I am supposed to be.
July is becoming a month for change for me, I am finding a new job, working on myself, and learning to be courageous.
Blessed be
Raven Pegasus
