I have decided that I am going to live on my SSI and Medicare until my cancer monitoring time is over. I may work if I can find a part time job that doesn't interfere with the things that I need to do for the next three years.
I wasn't happy with my last job anyway. I didn't feel like it was a good fit or that the management was acting in a professional manner. This is much better.
I can read, knit and take care of me for a while.
I know that I haven't blogged much recently. I have had so much and so little going on that I forget to write.
I lost my job in July. It was because of the transportation issue. It became harder for the owners to pick me up and drop me off at the bus stop. Only a five minute drive that seemed to become harder for them to deal with. Oh well.
However, I began a new job on August 1. I like it there and they seem to like me a lot. Of course, I don't make judgements or anything from the beginning. On the second day the manager told me that I am NOT allowed to leave. In other words, I have a permanent job.
The manager also told me that it will not be hard for me to get raises. I think that I am scheduled for a raise at the end of sixty days, which is at the end of this month and again after ninety days, at the end of October. I know that this will happen because my manager is trustworthy. He is also very fun and funny to work with. He easily praises his workers when they do right.
I have to get used to the work chat thing and a few other things, but that is alright. This job is worth it.
Finances have been very tight these past months, but I am working through them slowly so that I can stop being in debt. I think that I am weaning myself off of certain food crutches like Doordash and restaurants instead of cooking.
Thanks to the tight way that I am living, I am also cutting back on smoking a bit. I am more interested in getting the rent paid and the other necessities done first.
I also need to get over the depression that has led to my apartment becoming a physical catastrophe. I know that I have been working hard, but that isn't an excuse either. I need divine help getting motivated again.
Of course, there is the fact that I am not as enamored with this apartment as I once was. I am tired of not having heat or a/c. I have to rely on fans and my own heater to stay comfortable in the winter and summer. I am not exactly happy with the neighborhood either. It can be too noisy during the work week and I get woken up to stupidity a lot.
I still feel nostalgic. I want to go back to my hometown and be closer to my family. I miss the apartment that I lived in there...it was nice and it is close to the grocery store and other favorite places that I used to frequent.
I could transfer my Auxiliary membership to there if I want to. I know many of the ladies at that post and they would welcome me if I did. Besides, the unit that I am in now is very disappointing after all of these years. Things are starting to disintegrate there. It is so disappointing.
I hope that I can have my life back on track by next month or near the finish line of recovery. I miss having television and internet access, but rent, food, phone, transportation and electric are more important right this minute. I will pay the cable last.
I will also save money so that I can move out and find somewhere closer to home, on a bus line for work and better suited to living the basic life that I want to live.
I have a dream, and that is to live a basic life until I retire and not have anything to worry about when it comes to finances or daily life. I want to stay quiet and be with family whenever I can. I want to live close to them in case something happens.
Fall is here and I am so excited about it! I love fall. I am looking forward to the end of the year things that start happening now...from Halloween to Christmas! I love the change in the weather and the colors of this season! I am looking forward to being outdoors with nature as it slowly goes back to sleep...I don't like winter, but I love fall!
I go for my next Petscan on Tuesday. I know that I will still be cancer free and am looking forward to not worrying about it for another six months. It doesn't bother me to do this because it is part of the monitoring stage of my cancer, but it is still strange for me to do this because I never felt like I really had cancer at all. I never went through what others experienced when they did chemo or had other procedures done. It is weird.
Until the end of this year, I am going to concentrate on priorities and finances, little else. If it isn't in a budget, it isn't needed. If it isn't important to my living situation, it isn't necessary. I am finished with not having money when it is needed, I am tired of not having things that are important to my living situation.
I know that I have been saying that all year, so eventually it does happen and I actually do what I need to do. I am at that stage where I am scrounging for the things that need to be paid for and the necessities of my life...my urostomy supplies are one of those needs that I have to make sure are there because it gets messy when I don't have those supplies on hand. I hate it when I have to use duct tape to keep myself from leaking...I also hate the smell of urine.
From now on, I am going to live and work. I will fix the financial mess that I am now in and I will clean my house. I will also find a way to save money to move and live closer to my family. I will enjoy my job and the employees. I will do what I can to live life the way I want to live my life.
I will work on those things that I mentioned in this post and be happy...I am happy now, but I know that there are things that need fixing. I'm going to work on those.
-Raven
I have recently been re-reading Outlander and blogging about it as a commentary by chapter. So far, I have been diligent in writing a blog a day, and I hope that I can continue on with this. I have set this as a goal for myself throughout the series in hopes that I can finish what I start...I may stop between books for a while just to give myself a little breather, but I am going to finish this.
Lately there have been some interesting signs that Chameron has been around me and wants me to do something for her and our other friend, Angie. I don't see Chameron, but I do feel this pull to do what she wants done. I feel like she wants me to take Angie to her grave because Angie needs her to finish the past and continue on with the future.
Angie never got to see Chameron's grave and I think she regrets that. It is time for me to step in and help Angie with this.
I have steadily progressed in getting better. My stamina is finally building and I think that my immune system is getting stronger. I am happy about this because I miss being able to walk everywhere and do the things that I love. I no longer wear masks for any reason unless I feel a cold coming on, and that is rare.
As spring progresses, I am feeling very nostalgic and very magickal. Outside of Outlander, I have been building my energies so that I can practice my craft once more.
I am also devoting time every day to reading and interacting with Wiccan and Occult books. I am considering doing reviews on the books that I have read and the ones that I will read in the future. I am still considering this, so it may take while before I do it...there is also Outlander to consider as well.
I am a fan of a YouTube content creator named Mamma Squirrel and we are doing a book club right now about Marion Zimmer Bradley's novel Mists of Avalon. I love this book since it is strong in the way of women's fiction.
Now, I know about Marion's (ex) husband and what happened there. I know that what happened was wrong, but I must say that there were other parts of the history and story behind Bradley that is also wrong in how this came about...and why. I will not talk about this since I feel that the entire story from start to finish is wrong on the parts of ALL parties, and so I will focus on the book itself.
My job is going very well. I am still in love with it. I also love my boss and his family. They are kind and considerate. I love the fact that they trust me and encourage me to bring in my books and knitting to do while I am waiting for customers. They know that my job is mostly a waiting game most days and I can't clean 5 to 6 hours a day every day.
I take my Fire tablet in and watch my shows too. I can watch those without worry and I have my Kindle and my games on it too so that I don't get bored...however, I do have Outlander, Mists and knitting with me.
I haven't been knitting much lately due to Outlander, and I should since I have at least three or four projects started that I should finish before Christmas...one is actually going to be a present for a family member.
I may start back up when I do a binge watch of Outlander in the coming weeks. I may start that today since this is a three day weekend due to Memorial Day....of course, Monday is Memorial Day and I get busy that day with carrying the flag at the grave sight services we do and the prayer that I give at the ceremony that we hold later in the morning.
I have been doing more for the Auxiliary lately...but I am still disillusioned by the organization in my unit. I don't feel like it is family anymore and I think that I may just stop doing a lot for it in the near future. I don't know yet, since my stepmother is active in the organization.
There is something that I miss every year...the park where I discovered my path. It is in Milford and that is the place where I often walked and gained energy and power. I miss it because it is where I read Mists and Echo (by Diana Gabaldon) for the first time. I also spent time hiding from everyone there. I loved that park and want to go back soon.
I also miss the original Covenspace and the people that helped me become the witch that I was becoming...even though I strayed away from it for a while when I moved away. I wish that I knew where those people were now.
I want to re-read Sherilyn Kenyon's books too. I haven't read them in years and I recently put them all on my Kindle so that I can read them again. I may do that as well. I know that is a bit much with my pagan books, Mists and Outlander, but it is how I am feeling right now...it is part of this strong feeling of nostalgia that I am having.
Blessed Be
-Raven
Today, Britain crowns its new king, Charles.
While this is a good thing, I hope that he will be as good as Elizabeth. We can only pray that his reign is healthy since it may not last more than twenty years.
I do hope he does well, and I hope that everything goes well for him.
I have to say that Princess Anne has overshadowed her family through out the last eight months. She is one amazing woman!! I love her so much! Her strength has been awesome through all of this...I felt worse for her since this was her mother. Part of me feels that she has been overlooked and should have taken on the monarchy.
I guess there is still a weird thing going on in the succession of the monarchy. Oh well.
I will say this about the events of today...I think that the road to today was paved with much pain and suffering on the part of many people and there is much discussion on whom everyone believes should have been queen, but you must remember that Diana never believed that she would become a queen of a nation. She found love in the end that transcended the pain she went through at the hands of Charles...yes, I blame him more than anything in that scenario, but Camilla also should have had a conscious.
However, today was about Charles and Camilla, and when his time comes, we will happily remember Diana when William is king...and remember her with complete love and smiles.
It has been five months since I started my new job. I love this job! My boss is so nice and accommodating to my needs and is so nice and kind. I spend most of my day waiting for customers, so I knit, read and watch Asian dramas all day. I love this job still! I get up in the morning and am happy to go to work, knowing that what I do is valued and that I have people I work for who are good people.
I have been spending a lot of time on my spiritual path. I feel that it is needed. I am celebrating the Sabbats since I am healthy now and have the strength and endurance to practice. I am reconnecting with the Goddess and myself. I am feeling more free these days.
I am happy that the spring has finally come and it feels glorious! I look forward to this time of year when the first cold days hit.
Recently, Andy Taylor of Duran Duran came out and told the world that he has prostate cancer and that it is incurable. This makes me so mad because he and Duran Duran played such a huge role in my teenage years and with my step sister and friend Chameron. I think that she is now hovering near him to watch over him as he goes through this. I get where he is at and understand completely...I just wish that he didn't have to suffer because he and Duran Duran have a huge place in my heart.
I have been very slovenly lately. I have not really cleaned my home for a long time...though it is in decent shape, there are things that I have not felt like doing. I make plans to clean, then I just sit and watch Asian dramas all weekend...I am trying to get myself organized and back on track, but my energy levels are not that high.
At first I thought that I was going through depression, but that is very strange since I have beaten cancer and have a job I love...I also have a family that supports and loves me, so why would I be depressed? This makes no sense since I am always calm and in a positive mood. No, I think it is because I am just plain lazy anymore...
I have gotten out of the routines that I had before the illness and can't seem to get back to where I need to be. I am working to change that now. I am getting of my ass and doing things here and there slowly to get back on track.
Since I am working on my spiritual path more, I think that it will help spur me on to do more in my home than just sit and watch television. Let's hope so!!
Blessed be
Raven
I have been at my job for about six weeks, and I am so happy that I work there.
My boss is great and caring. He is kind and patient. He usually is never there, leaving me to handle the day to day work.
I love this job, the customers are nice people, with very few exceptions. I rarely get complaints that are nasty or mean spirited. That is good.
I spend most of the day reading Mists, Bees and Wicca For One by Raymond Buckland or I knit and listen to Pagan music or play one of my games. The boss doesn't mind that I do because he knows how boring it can get most days...he even encouraged me to bring in my Kindle and knitting.
He's also understanding of the things that I have to do for my post cancer situation.
I actually look forward to going to work every day. I love my job!
Since working there, Bees and the holidays, I have been feeling nostalgic again. I want to get my driver's license back and live in my hometown again.
I want to go back to where I came from in this life.
I'm also feeling a stronger pull to the Lord and Lady these days. I feel the need to practice my path more and more. I think this comes from Mists.
When I read Bees, I want to go back to the time that I lived in the Outlander series. Go back to my Scottish roots so to speak. I miss the times when I would sit and read the books for hours on the weekends and loose track of time and reality.
When I was at my aunt's house, I missed the days where my Wiccan path started. I want to go back to the place where I would walk and commune with the Goddess and nature, learning the mysteries of my life and this path.
I want to go back to practicing more these days, and have been doing little things toward that end.
I want to have a full immersion into my path and Outlander once again.
I want to be near my family and close to that park where I loved to walk with the Goddess.
I am going to work on getting my license back and get an affordable car so that I can move back to my hometown.
I think that the location of my job is also causing nostalgia because it is so close to home and I used to drive that route to many places close to it. I miss that drive too, I guess.
Next month I go for another Petscan and doctor's appointment. I think that I have about two more years of monitoring before I can live completely free from doctors. I can't wait for that, but I will miss the best doctors and nurses when it is over with. While I want it to end, I don't want it to end.
When I began working, it was a way to get back to normal in a new way. Even though I have to wear the urostomy pouch now, life is basically back to where it was before it all started. I am glad that I am getting back to where I was. I am alive and able to do what I have always done without worry.
I love my job so much that I am hoping that I can retire from there when the time is right. I wouldn't mind that at all. It is such a great place to work and I don't have to worry about harassment or power hungry supervisors or bosses. They leave me alone and trust me enough to do my job. They understand my medical situation and are willing to work with me. They help me get to and from work everyday, and they let me bring in food and whatever else I may need during my days at work. They are awesome. I actually look forward to going to work every day.
I actually did start commenting on Mama Squerrel's Mists of Avalon Book Club and was welcomed with open arms and positivity. It is the beginning of learning to connect with others who share my interests and path. I am excited about this and will continue to comment and chat with others on this path.
I haven't connected with Wiccans, Witches and Pagans since Covenspace closed down. I miss that sight because I could blog about my path and talk to others who are just like me. I love it!
I am feeling very nostalgic these days. I know that we can't go back to what was, but I want to revisit it a lot these days or start doing new things in the old ways. As I age, I find myself wanting that more and more.
I am starting to work on getting my license back. I am tired of taking the bus to where I need to go. I stand outside waiting for the bus and think that it would be so much more comfortable and easier if I had a car. I could be at work when I need to be and be home half an our to forty five minutes earlier than I get home now. I hate standing in the rain and cold these days. I hate waiting for some buses that never come or come late. I also hate being picked up by my boss' wife and getting to work late every day...I know that they don't care about that, but I do.
If I have my license and a car, I can move back to my hometown and drive to work and other places without having to wait for anyone or stand in the cold or the rain.
I am excited for this year of new beginnings of normalcy. I can work in a place that I love and live a life that has meaning for me...the last two years taught me that I don't want to be helpless or live with the aid of others.
Blessed be
-Raven
Another year, another reason to feel blessed to be alive!
This last year was spent in getting my body back online, and working to get back to being normal in a new way, I am thankful for that opportunity, even if a lot of that time was spent being bored.
This year, I hope that I can continue on and resume life as I want to live it.
I am planning on getting my license back, working on my spiritual path and moving back to my hometown so that I can also spend more time close to my family and living in the place that makes me the happiest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
