Lover At Last By J.R. Ward

I finished reading Lover At Last by J.R. Ward.  I loved it!

It was wonderful to see her writing back where it needs to be.  

The book was full of adventure and the romance of Blay and Qhuinn was good, though Blay needed a few knocks on the head to wake his silly butt up!

The further development of Assail and revisiting many of the regular cast of characters was wonderful!  

To be honest, I am still thinking that Xcor is a bit of a crybaby at times but that is my opinion.  I also think a bit of re-working the Lessening Society would be in order because they are turning into drug lords and not doing what they are supposed to do-fight the Brotherhood as the originals did.

I do love the fact that in this book Qhuinn learns to accept himself for who he is and to forgive those who have wronged him...the fact that he became a Brother was heart warming and beautifully written.  Can't help but wonder if we will see the day he gets to help induct John Matthew and Blay into the Brotherhood and how he will react to that.

The next book is about Wrath once again...it will be nice to see things come around and I can only hope that in doing so, many of the loose ends will be tied up...then again, those are the reasons we keep reading them (example:  Diana Gabaldon's novels for those of us who love reading her books).  Part of me wants to see some things finished but the other part wants to see how everything rounds itself out.

I think she did a great job with Lover At Last and I can't wait for the next book.

Grandma's Birthday

Today was my grandmother's 88th birthday.  I don't count on her being here for much longer, maybe another 5-7 years, since the average ages of her 13 brothers and sisters is around 93-95 with the exception of one who lived to be 103 because of her lifestyle.

I am not being mean about this since I am looking at it for what it is...and because I love her very much.  She also doesn't do anything but sit around and read...and she has been like this for the last ten years.  Her short term memory is starting to go too.  

I love grandma even when she was being a pain in the butt, but I want to  prepare my mind and my heart for when it happens.

She has been good to me and my four siblings, she has loved us  and her daughters very much.  I never want to forget that in this lifetime.

Today also marks the 26th anniversary of the death of my step sister.  I am having a great day even though I am feeling like a bit of a let down to her.

I know my step sister has moved on from the Summerlands, but I can't help but feel like I am not living up to the potential I need to when she couldn't in her life with my family.

I am generally at peace over her now, it is hard to not be when there is so much else that needs to be done in my own life.

I still haven't found a job, but I am still looking and not loosing hope.

Weekly Blah Blah

I am beginning to get frustrated with myself.

I still can't find a job, and I feel like I am slipping further and further into a kind of disorganized person.

My sleeping patterns are such that I don't sleep when I should and wake up later in the day no matter how hard I try to change it.

My apartment has slipped into disarray and I don't know why I can't get up and just do simple things other than the dishes.

I follow directions for my unemployment, but I still feel weird about the fact that I need it and it is so little I wonder if I am going to loose it sooner than I should.

I changed some things financially but that only made matters a bit worse, but I am not mad about it, I just needed to do something to make things easier on myself.

I haven't done anything for myself or my life that is meaningful to me.  

It may have to do with the fact that I can't seem to get into a Spring frame of mind.

I am going to work on it soon.

I have been so busy this week that I haven't been able to stop, I helped my stepmother all week, and this weekend.  I did it even though I didn't want to because my stepmom is important to me and it was for a St. Patrick's Day dance so why not?  Still exhausting.

I have more news coming soon, I just don't know if I can share this just yet, though I want to.

Being An Example To The Next Generations

I have to question humanity these days.

I am sorry, but recently I am finding that rudeness, disprespect and general apathy is NOT a trait of the youth of our world, but an example they learn by-yes, you guessed it folks....ELDERS!!!

I don't understand why it is that those who are to set the example for the youth are NOT teaching them HOW to show basic human dignity and kindness.

Recently a friend of mine who is 23 years old was talked down to and treated horribly because he needed to use a ramp at the local grocery store after having walked from a parking spot far away from the handicap zone (to which he had the special plates for) because an elder had used up two of the handicapped spaces then blocked the ramp so he could load up his car.  My friend has a prosthetic leg and had recently had a heart transplant...when he said something kindly to the elder gentleman, the elder said very nastily that my friend could use the steps...when my friend told him WHY he couldn't the elder man sneered at him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry but this newer generation IS going to becoming home and using the handicapped licenses and stickers and you may NOT see their need for it because they will cover it up with pants and other ways....they are veterans wounded in war and we have to stop and think before we judge them....my friend is not a veteran, but that wasn't the point.  He still needed those special helps for a reason and the elder gentleman did not stop and think...or look at my friend.

Our elders are NOT the only ones who have need of mobile carts and handicapped spots.

Another incident happened again only with a 15 year old young man who volunteers his Friday nights out of respect to not only his grandfather but to our military-past and present-by helping the American Legion raise money in a fish fry.

The young man is an intelligent young man, loyal and respectful of his elders...and a lady whom he has waited on on several occasions has treated him with disdain and cruelty.  Everything he does in wrong and everything he fixes is wrong.  She is mean to him and she is around my own age....what kind of an example is this woman teaching this young man?  

She, and the elder along with MANY others in this world are increasingly rude and mean to others around us.

Here is another example:

I can walk down the street here in my city and I would hear "hello" or "good day", or "excuse me", or hear a happy remark on the lovely weather....from young people, Black Americans and those who have come to this country to be citizens of this nation.  From people my age and older, I get shoved aside on the sidewalk, looked at like I shouldn't be there or ignored when I say hello myself.

It is no wonder our young people aren't being nice to us when we aren't teaching them how to be HUMAN anymore!!!

Yes, I said it!!  We are teaching them that it is OK to be rude, it is ok to be disrespectful and it is OK to have NO value for human dignity and that human kindness is NOT a good thing.  It will make it easier for them to decide to hit the button on nuclear war when they get older doesn't it???  

Everyone thinks it is the job of parents, grandparents, and teachers to teach these kids these things, and generally you are right, but when they go out to PRACTICE these teachings, we as ADULTS in the world should encourage that and be an example of what a parent is trying to teach their child, don't you think?

We should show them OTHER role models-those who are my age and older....it is the gift we give them that is more valuable than money.  

I also see nobody standing up for these young people...of course, in the case of this 15 year old boy, I am going to take over handling this woman and if I have to, I will stick up for him, I will show him that what he is learning from his family and at school can be used in the future.

It is also why I help and encourage the young people I come in contact with as often as I do.  

We all know that it is good to teach them, but to SHOW them how it is done is also part and parcel of the package and it is not just the responsibility of the parents, it is the duty of every adult to show them this.

Besides ladies and gentlemen....these young people will be running this country someday-one of them is going to be president of the United States and when they are, do you WANT to be left in the cold, because that is exactly what may happen if we don't change this and show them NOW!!!!  

Someday they will be adults and the example for another generation....what do you want them to teach that generation?

Living Without Electricity

I am sorry for not being around for the last 2 weeks, I had lost my electricity due to my own stupidity in financial stupidity.

The last two weeks have taught me a lot and I am a bit stronger than I was before and a lot more knowledgeable.

I am still searching for a job, but everything will be alright since I have leads on jobs and things.

I did learn that I enjoy living without the trappings of the modern era and that it is fun to camp out-of sorts and live a more simplistic life style.  I did like doing things by candle light too.  It was romantic, but not good for reading lol

I caught up on my reading too.  I relaxed a lot and stayed off of sites from my phone that I didn't need to be on just to save my phone battery and found myself more relaxed than anything.

Either way, I am glad for the time I spent without it.  I don't want to do it again, but now I know I can and won't have to worry.

Friendships

I haven't found a job yet.  I am finding it harder and harder every day to find something.  I am not disheartened though, I know something great is on its way.

This week, I finally had no other choice but to let a friend of over three years go from my life.  I love her dearly, but her inability to let go of the past and her self centered nature drained me beyond what I could take.

We rarely talked anymore because this person always turned every conversation to herself no matter what the topic was.  She would cut off sentences and not listen.

I know there were times when she tried to take my energies without my permissions and it would HURT to the point that I had to cut her off.  

She finally made the mistake of accusing one of my friends of something that wasn't her fault and not looking closer to the actual culprit.  This is the way she is...all she saw was a person's name and not the place they came from and made sure to make someone I care about feel like garbage.  It was over popularity....and stupidity.  

In the end, letting go of this person cleaned up a lot of the remaining weights left on my shoulder from the past and the crap that happened there.  She never knew that she drained me mentally and that I was always ready to end the conversations because of it.  I am done with it all and I feel better.  

I am ready to totally move forward and be happy with the way things are now.

It made me SEE the ones who are there on a regular basis who don't ask anything of me, they give freely of themselves and accept what I give them freely.  It is easier this way...friendships without any conditions or worries that I am a bad friend when I stand up for myself.

Even Laura gives of her friendship without conditions or wanting to receive anything from me other than what I give to her without reservations.  I like friendships like that.

In the end, it isn't about ME or about THEM but about US and I love that more than anything in the world.

Accomplishing ME!

After my last post about routines, I got to thinking about what I want and need to accomplish for these routines, and why I want  a routine, the answers were interesting.

I want to feel like I accomplish something every day that signifies a beginning and an end to each and every day.  To KNOW there are things I need to do in order to get through each day-more than brrushing my teeth, combing my hair and getting dressed...or taking a shower and brushing my teeth before bed.

It would be nice to get more done through the day and still find an hour or two to do what I would like to do-go for walks or just relax for a little while.  

I want that feeling of being able to accomplish things within the day that I need to accomplish AND to fulfill my dreams of writing.

I have been thinking about several different types of routines I could accomplish for myself, but the problem is that I fizzle out when I am preparing to begin.  I need to break these bad habits.

Speaking of habits.  I am reading Stephen r. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to see what help this book can give me.

So far reading is slow, and not because I can't get into the book, but because I can honestly say that I have been a bit lazy in reading or other things seem to come up for some reason (usually in the form of a friend calling me and talking for hours on end).  

Today, I am going to spend time reading the book and plan to ignore the phone unless it is important.  I need to focus on what is important instead of letting myself be dragged into things before I am ready to be dragged into them each day.  I am also planning to ignore Facebook for a few hours too since that site is the reason why I waste so much time through the day.

I am tired of wasting time through the day not accomplishing anything.  There really isn't an excuse for me since I am not married or have children to sideline things for me, so I need to work harder on this than I have in the past.

There is another aspect of things I need to accomplish....my personal Pagan path. 

Yes, I have to be who I am and start letting the myself be free to express myself.  It is more healthy for me if I do this.  I do have a reading list for this as well.  I love reading about it, but it is time to start practicing what I am learning.  I feel good when I am walking down this path, spending time being the person I am meant to be.

I guess you could say that what I am trying to really accomplish right now is being comfortable in my own skin and in my own life and my own world.  I hate the itchy feeling that I am supposed to be doing something when I am not.

Today, I am going to make out a written list of things that need to be done as I read Covey's book and do some personal things.  I think it will be a great day for that.

As for writing, I will do some of that as well.  If I really want to do this, I HAVE to do this and stop whining about it and just DO it!  There is no point in putting this off any longer.

I believe I am going to start with the basics of what is on my Facebook page notes and work from there in real time.  I have a lot of material there that I can use to begin the work.  I am not going to give anyone the links for this yet because it is a roleplay style writing that is being done and I am not sure many understand the roleplaying mindset...I mainly use this to practice and to study how human beings react in situations in and out of their ordinary realms.  

Roleplaying is fun, and I have a few wonderful and trusted friends helping me do this so that I can watch them and their personalities, but eventually it will be my words and the way I want to accomplish this that will be written down and done in my own book.  Though we all have a lot of fun coming up with ideas on which directions to take things.

I also have two other ideas for writing that I want to explore without the role play aspect going on.  These ideas are secret right now, and I am working on one or two in my head.  I think they could work if I do a bit more research and exploration.  They are fun ideas that I can work on as I work on everything else.

I don't want to be Diana Gabaldon or anyone else, I just want to try and see if I can actually do this and be able to say at the end of this life that I did try-whether or not I publish anything...at least I will  not have regrets at the end.

I forgot to mention that I did sign up for a magick class online at Magicka School.  I know that learning on my own is more important, but these are basic courses and something nice to add to my knowledge of the Craft and my path.  There is a forum there where I can chat with other Witches and Wiccans on the way so I can make friends.  The basic courses are free and those are the ones I am taking for now, and maybe I will change things up and pay into more later on, but for now the basics are enough.

I know that I don't need this since Paganism, Wicca and the Craft are not exclusive to one teaching like the other religions of the world, but it is a helpful tool to use.  In the end, I know I can use what is learned there to my own benefit.

That is the best part of my path...I don't have to follow someone else's ideals, I can follow my own and get help from others following different paths without fear of being looked down upon.  I think many covens are the same way...it is about the learning process and helping each other to achieve their goals in communing with nature, Deity and the universe in general.

I think that is best for me right now.  Since I gained a bit of freedom with myself, I have discovered a love for ME that wasn't there before, and I want to continue to explore it, and embrace who I really am.  

I said in a previous post about Laura Stamps that there were things I felt I must DO whenever I read her books, and I know now what it is that I want to accomplish...ME!!


Now you know why I really want to have routines and get organized in my life, so that I CAN accomplish all of these things for ME!!!