The Neighbor Downstairs

The new job begins on Tuesday.


My only concern is in getting up on time to catch the bus.  I am so worried that I will miss it most of the time because of craziness.


My neighbor downstairs is a constant worry to me because the woman, though sweet and has ADD, is a pain in the back side. She is always loosing her cellphone and storming up to MY apartment to use mine to find it or call and yell with her daughter. One day, I was on the phone with a friend when she stormed back UPSTAIRS and demanded the use of my phone after hers had gotten stolen...


This woman is so bad, she comes in and helps herself looking in my stuff and making herself at home.  I was not raised that way and to be honest, it makes me nervous to have someone doing that in my home where I am the hostess.


Thursday night around 3 a.m. she locked herself out of her apartment, the proceeded to hang around mine until almost 4 a.m.  and I was livid because she wouldn't call her daughter to come unlock her door until I hedged at it for 30 minutes.  My first thought was that I could have had to work in the morning and she was disrupting my sleep and my time just to do this.


I am going to speak with the apartment manager soon because this cannot go on anymore.  I am going to start doing something uncharitable and unChristian like tell her she cannot rely on me anymore and tell her no because she spends to much time taking advantage of me when she should be more responsible.


I know I am being uncharitable towards my neighbor but she cannot keep doing this to others around her, and she needs to use consideration when she does. I don't want to be mean to the woman since she is very kind, but she must learn to be responsible and not constantly blame others and other things for her mistakes.  She needs to find a way to remind herself of what she needs to do in order to survive, or her daughter and he apartment manager need to find a better place for her and have her live with someone else.


She babysits her nephew down there and we have gas stoves and heat...what if she accidentally locks herself out with him inside and the stove on or forgot to completely turn off the stove and the gas permeates the place????  That is what has me worried...and the fact that I am two floors up from her place and if she starts a fire, and I am up here, I could be trapped.


I know these are crazy worries, but I cannot help thinking of them and what could happen.

Generally Speaking

I have not been here in a while.  A lot of nothing is really going on.


The only things I can truly say about the past 3 or 4 weeks is that I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot of cleaning and a bit of not eating.


The new job starts tomorrow and I have one last thing to do before I feel completely happy in my world...and that is clean out the jungle that is my bedroom and organize it so that when I begin the new job I will feel like I have accomplished everything that needs to be done right away..


After I get my first paychecks and get the bills under control, my next thing will to be to make sure that I keep every bill updated.  I just can't wait to get going on this soon!


I also have a new "daughter".  A kitten that my downstairs neighbor couldn't keep because she didn't have the patience to deal with her since she is so young.  The lady had named her Zoe, but I cringe at such a name because it is not one of my favorites...no offense to anyone named Zoe, it just isn't a name that I particularly like.  Besides I am an old fashioned girl and since I am on my Jane Austen journey this year, I have re-named her Emma.  Figures, huh?  I love that name anyway, it is a good name for animal or human.


She is around 2 months old or so and is currently interested in using me as a chew toy! Drives me nuts, but gives me something to really complain about in the grand scheme of things. ~grins


She is a a short haired cat with gray fur and black stripes. I forget what breed she is but I am currently searching that one out.


The new job will open up new possibilities for me financially and mentally.  I will be able to afford this job and with the benefits that come with the job, I am anxious to get started since I have been broke for quite some time now and I haven't had a paycheck in that long.


Once things completely settle down, I do plan on writing.  I know I say this all the time, but I haven't been into it a lot lately and my brain is stalled for ideas.


I am also catching up my Austen blog and working on other things to add to Awaiting Diana's blog.  Hopefully we can get that running soon enough.


Since I have been going back and forth with Awaiting Diana and Diana Gabaldon's An Echo In The Bone, I have hopefully resurrected our discussions on the forum.   It would be nice to see the group up and rolling again or just create a new one...and have lots of fun with it.


I am also enjoying my Twitter again, and learning to stay OFF of Facebook and the crazy world that place seems to be...or at least not checking in so often in the last few days.  I just need a break from that place.


I would go back to my Myspace but not much goes on there anymore. I think it is sad because many of us put so much into the page it is sad.


Anyway, I am running now on new routines and getting organized for the future, hoping that with each passing month and year I am at the new job I can show how good I am and be worthy of raises and more responsibilities.


In a year, I am hoping that the new job is able to help me get a new home.  


I am not fond of the place I live now.  I have been here for a year and I am still trying to get everything out of the packing stages in my room.  I don't know why, but I cannot think of this place as my home.  It just doesn't feel right to me.  It is cheap, yes, but that isn't why it bothers me living here.


I think that it is the fact that most of this area is unsafe.  The building itself is a bit rundown and not really nice.


OK, I don't expect The Ritz type of situation here, but still, the place is just not some place that I feel comfortable in.  I don't feel that I belong in it...I constantly want to go out and find someplace better and someplace more pleasing to the eye.


I wanted to take the initiative and start making things look better and spoke to the apartment manager about it, and he said it would be alright to do so, but I can't until I can get my finances straight again, and he doesn't seem to care about anything here.  


Enough complaining.  


I am also working on myself spiritually!  I think there are things that need to be said for what I feel in my heart and soul.  I  am going to get that right again soon and will update as much as I can on that front!


I don't know, I am tired of wavering there also.  I do believe in God and I have always had  a good relationship with Him, but in the last year, it has fallen to they wayside by other things I thought were more important.  I am working on that one right now as well.  I am more calm and serene these days.  I will speak more about that sometime in the future.


Also, the journey through Jane Austen's world is proving to be a most enjoyable one and I am happy to be on it!


I am loving the Regency period and all that it has to offer along with other genres of romance that I would never have thought I would like!

I am enjoying this time a lot and I hope I can continue to read and work on my blogs together to make them the best I have out there.


I still have a lot to learn about Jane, Regency, and all that encompasses that world, but I am someone who loves to read and I love to explore things that are new and wonderous.


I would love to write a Regency, if I have the voice and talent for it.  It would be a nice thing to be able to do, to have on my ablities.


Now, I am off to read some more, I have to get Persuasion read and work on the Austen blog!


Have a great day!

Musings And Changes

With the coming of a new job, and many changes to my life, and watching and adding myself to new and more interesting arenas in writing, I feel that this blog will change just a bit as well.


I am changing the name soon and contemplating what that name should be.  I want it to be something that reflects the writer in me as well as my own personal voice.


I want to get back to writing reviews and giving you everything in my heart.


As of today, the new job looms in a week, and I am so ready to move forward with my life and myself that I cannot contain it all within me.


I would like to get with my other people and start working on a forum for reading and getting into things.


This past week, I have been working diligently on catching up my blog Tea In Austenland, a blog designed specifically for my year long journey through Jane Austen's world and the Regency Romance genre.  It is also a place for me to learn more about the Lady Jane herself and learning more about her and the world and time she lived in.  I am learning so much, and a seed idea for writing my own romance is slowly taking root.


There is also the lovely world I created called Forever Raven where I am discovering a whole lot about myself and my people through the writing process, I am enjoying it as much as I am enjoying my poetry site, Dreams Of The Blue Rose, and that may expand too in time..and grow and change. 


I am happy to say that all of this may culminate in the changes here that will encompass book reviews, my writing and everything else I wish to say or convey as well.


Recently I became more active on my Twitter and am ready to resume life there as well.  If you wish to add me, it is in the widget on the side of this blog.


Dreams Of The Blue Rose, the poetry blog still exists, but I have moved a lot to Writers Cafe and had it copyrighted for the most part.  I don't know if I wish to keep the blog open if I am to move it all over to the webpage.  I will let you know. 


As for the blog and forum Jen and I run called Awaiting Diana, we are still undecided on what to do with this since Jen has since moved her part in most cases to Darcy Nation and we were trying to keep the blog mainly to Diana Gabaldon and what is happening with her and a lot of my book reviews which are also here in some shape or form.  We will discuss this and move forward from there.


As I am surfing through all of the blogs and friends I have followed here, I see that many have been making the switches from one place to another, and many of the site are making changes to a lot of things these days.  It is a bit discouraging for someone who is trying not to change too much in her world...but alas times do change and so do people...even my aol addy has had to be changed so I can actually use it and get back on track.


Beginning in the next weeks, this new job that I have will play a major role in how I post and how I do things across the internet.  I am making personal changes to get organized and ready for the new job...from house cleaning to downsizing my activities everywhere...this includes the addiction and crazyiness of Facebook.  


I am looking forward to this new job because I will be able to do a bit more for myself and be able to advance as the years progress.  I plan to stay there as long as I can and be a very productive employee, and to show that I am worth something in my own mind.


I will write and make sure that I make the time to write and not fail myself in this.  In the end, I don't want to say I wish I had done this.  I want no regrets at the end of my life.


My religion is another sore spot in my heart, but I do know where I am, and what I want...so the Catholic in me does stand firm as the Pagan tendencies reconcile themselves with the fact that what is there is actually Christian as well.  That doesn't make sense to anyone but it is what is happening as one is half dying and the other is going strong.


I am so happy for the changes I am making and the new worlds I will inhabit in the near future, life seems to be getting better!  I can't wait til it is great!

Too Much-Good and Horrible, Jane Austen and Regency Romance

Times are changing for me.  It seems like I have gone from one extreme to the next.


So much has changed over the past year.  I have gone from living with family and having to rely on a phone for my internet service to living on my own and having a job that cannot support me.


Nine times out of ten, I have had to make the decision on whether or not to eat or pay the electric.  The electric would win out and Ramen was the meal choice for the week.  


I barely could cover my rent and had bounced a few checks, then I became late on my rent.  I hated this.  I am so angry at the fact that no matter what I tried to do financially, I cannot make it at the job that I do like, respect and get frustrated over.


I have suffered terrible headaches in the past year that have kept me wondering if I will survive through the day or night.  I have hidden these well, and attributed them to stress of gaining and loosing friendships in the games I do online called roleplaying.  Then again, one meal a day and my failing eyesight are factors here.  


I am not going blind, and I don't think I am physically ill in any cancerous way...no tumors, but harsh headaches that take me to the point of being suicidal at times.   I know I am slowly getting to the point where I need bi-focals, so I know I am not always going to see very well, it just galls me because this is something I never want to admit.  Who knows, I may end up blind someday anyway.


I digress, to get back to my reasons for posting today. 


I have been so frustrated in the past year with the groups I admin, the people I want to slap from here to common sense and back again, and I have been broke and cannot afford to work at this job.  I also saw no true potential for advancement in recent months.  This was brought to me loud and clear about three weeks ago when I practically begged to replace a girl in her position to get out of the one I am in now, and I was told to wait, only to find out that they were already filling the position that week.  Talk about dashing my hopes of a steady income and knowing that I would have more hours...in a part time job no less!


Anyway, about two or three weeks ago, I went and put in an application for a new drycleaning chain that was opening up and a subdivision of a major corporation of cleaning products-smart move in my opinion.  I went for the interview, did a fabulous job as they told me during the interview and told that I would hear back the next week.


They called, the position had been filled and my application was being put into a file in case they needed help in the future.  I was told that they had picked their first rounds of employees from the people they had to re-locate and from the applicants they had, and it was a stiff competition, but I had still impressed them.  I was devastated and heartbroken!  I wanted that job so bad, I could almost taste it!


Time goes on, my electric is way beyond due, and I was waiting for it to be shut off, my rent was already one month behind and I was getting calls from people wanting money from me.  I was in tears, broke, starving and wishing for a new life at this point.  I had even gotten the newspaper and bookmarked Monster.com just to find something-anything-that was better than living in absolute poverty.


I was going to go ask for State aid just to eat.  I didn't want to, my pride and my honor was fighting this like nobody's business!  A girl at work had even given me the number for the local church who helps people in need by giving them some money for their rent and baskets of food.  As you can guess, my heart was quaking at this, thinking of the people out there who had children and needed this more than I did.  I could live without food, and I could find a way to pay all of the rent if I just worked a few more hours, and that wasn't happening!  Nope, nada, I was not going to gain any quarter from my employers at all!  


I had to call my aunt and tell her that, despite the fact that my license was getting ready to expire, I could not afford to renew it and maybe I could get a state I.D next month because I couldn't afford it.  She offered to pay it, and came to pick me up yesterday to take me to get it done-it was already too late, I have to take the driver's test all over again-ugh!  


As I sat waiting for her, I had already taken care of some business and decided to see who had called me after lunch break while I was working.  It was time to brave another couple of people wanting money from me, and telling them I was not going to be able to do anything about it....well, one call was from the apartment manager....no surprise, I forgot to tell him I was having some troubles.  


The second call floored me.  It was the company who didn't hire me asking if I was still interested in a job!  You can imagine my answer to this one!  YES!!!  


I called them back and we discussed things.  The job is going to be full time and at least $1.25 more an hour than what I am making now!!  I would have to take the bus, and do what was necessary to get through the paperwork and everything, but my family offered to help me with that one.  I sat there, waiting for my aunt, in the parking lot of my job and talking to someone else about getting this new job!!!  It was all I could do to NOT go inside screaming that I was going to give them notice and I was going somewhere else to work!!  


I did tell the guy I work with, who runs our department though and he was happy for me.  Told me to not worry about them, to just be happy that I was going and doing something better for myself.  I felt so good at that moment.


I did contain myself and waited until I got in my aunt's car to tell her....of course I was babbling about talking to the apartment manager about how to go about making the rent and back rent while I waited to start the new job.  My aunt not only gave me the money to renew my license but also the rent money.  


I got home and remembered that I had some money I had pulled out of my account for the rent that I was trying to keep people out of, so I had that plus some money she gave me for groceries.  


I got home, and the electric was out. I owned over $390 and only had $300 for it at the moment.  They took the money and turned my electric back on and now I only owe them a little bit and am set for the month.  


The best part is that my next payday is tomorrow and it is direct deposit.  I now have food money and a little left over to save for the next month's rent.


I still have to pay the rent, but at least I know I have it and I will tell the apartment manager that I won't have this problem in the future.  Who knows, I may be able to afford a luxury or two after a year of living in basic poverty.  I just need to get through the month of July and settle into the month of August and prove to my new bosses and myself that I am worth something!


You see, I have figured myself out. I have been suffering from depression for over three months now.  It is causing lost sleep, bad moods and making decisions that I would never make in my entire life!  I have been a mess!  I can tell I have been depressed and not just tired as I tried to tell everyone around me...my dishes aren't getting washed, my apartment isn't clean, my brain isn't focused and my whole being isn't what I am used to it being.  I actually hate myself and I want to STOP hating myself now!


So, in honor of this monumental decision, I am going to start a new book review blog for myself.  I want to keep this seperate from here and my writing and poetry. 

I have recently re-emerged myself into the land of Jane Austen and have begun a blog called Tea In Austenland, a blog where I discover my favorite author and her novels. I write about her books, herself and the women and men who have written published re-writes, sequels and prequels to her books. I am also writing about her history, the movies that are made and re-made of her works and anything associated with her.  


This is my way of inspiring myself to get into the writing habit and get on with my own novels.
In the course of this, I have discovered a love for Regency Romance.  Who would have thought it possible, ME a lover of Scottish historical romances, some contemporary romances and a lover of most paranormal romance....in love with Regency!  


Ah well, it just goes to show you that a gal has many sides and facets to herself and she has yet to discover all of them.


Anyway, to get back to it, I have started reviewing the Regencies there, but I am thinking that maybe I need a seperate blog for that whole genre...then again, there are only 7 novels in Jane's library of books, and Elizabeth Gaskell has some great ones, but not many. So why not? Then again, there are 1,000s of Jane fanfiction to review and write about, what is a little new blog about Regency and Romance in general among friends? ~g


I will think about this for a while, and decide if I want to continue writing a real life blog and just take what I have and import it elsewhere.  I am not sure yet.  I want to do it, and I know I can, I just need to find time to read through all of the roleplaying I do.


Which brings me to the last year and a half.  I have been roleplaying characters from two authors I  love.  I will not say who they are and give it away, but just say that until now I have enjoyed playing these characters and have become the leader of two very wonderful groups of players.  


The imaginations of these people are so amazing that I cannot begin to describe it at all! I love being around such creativity and working side by side with people who want to bring joy to the world is so much fun!

I do own and run another group under my pen name of Raven Pegasus.  It is a roleplaying group I created that is designed to help me in my writing.  The six people who help me with Clan Raven are amazing and I trust them with my life.  


The writing is setting up to be a novel or series of novels based on witches and their abilities.  Each character has an element and a personality that rivals the person playing them.  I am loving this and we are going to work on getting our first storyline set up in the near future.  The players have already started establishing themselves among the fans and people are flocking to it already, not much, but enough to get them fired up.


I will not say more except that this is on Facebook and that the group is my family as much as the other two.  I am looking forward to seeing where they help me go!  I want this so bad I can taste it! I can see this working and this going somewhere amazing and wonderful and I cannot wait to settle into the writing part of it.


With this new turn in my life, and getting this new job, I am also looking into writing some Regency Romance myself.  I have some ideas on it and on what I truly want to do with the writing.  


I have some great books on how to write a book and some great sites on the internet bookmarked to help me on my journey.  


I have even adopted a new pen name for my Regency writing and for whatever else I do outside of Clan Raven.  I may even use this name for Clan Raven, not sure yet, but I  know this will work itself out someday soon.


I also had my first poem published in a Pagan magazine.  This magazine was just launched and it was a total pleasure to be part of the first issue.  It is an e-zine and wonderfully written and managed by a wonderful new friend.  I can't wait to do more.  I have a ton of them now as we speak and enough to give her to last quite a while.  


While my world is going up and down, I am striving to be better.  


I am going to form new habits and make everything work again.  It is time to get organized, and cleaned up.  I will spend some of this weekend working towards that goal.


They say it takes two weeks to gain a new good habit and one day to break it.  I will work on making it so it is impossible to break these new habits.  


I think I need to dust off my organizer, go online and see if I can find something more to supplement my income and to start cleaning out my life for good!  


It is time for that permanent house cleaning and  permanent mental attitude adjustment, and I am so ready for this one!


It is also time I started acting as I want to act, be as I want myself to be, and not some nasty thing I look at in the mirror!  I want to be that person I started out trying to be eons ago when I had decided the first time that I wasn't going to be that disorganized, ugly, unsophisticated person I was.  


I also think it's time to use my intelligence to its fullest capacity and stop wishing others would just get smarter or less rude or less ignorant of what they say and what they do.  


I want to be this newer person, and I want to save my money so I can afford something better by next year.  A place where I don't have to worry about being cramped or hearing neighbors slam doors.


I am so ready for this to begin, it isn't even funny!


I just want to be the person I am meant to be and not stop at just that!  I want to write, read, live, eat, and be who I truly am for the first time in my life!


I am so ready for some good to start in my life and to go down smiling and knowing that in the end, I didn't break, I bent just slightly and I remained though I was changed for the better.  That is what I want the most.  


That, and to accomplish my greatest dreams, even if it is only for myself.


Yes, this has been too much for me...this life until now...but changes are coming and coming fast, and I look forward to them.


Now I am off to read Stephanie Sloane.  I think I like this Regency Romance writer a lot!

New Report On Me

I am back, and feeling really good about myself these days...or so I sometimes like to think.

I have had a strong conviction in the religion I am choosing to walk, and going to do my level best to follow it...I am a witch, and I can't help that. I keep hearing those words in my head as I go along.

I have begun a new project that includes writing my book and new poetry.

30 Seconds To Mars' Jared Leto kind of reminds me of Caine, my sometimes bad boy who loves Arianna.

Alasdair Raven is Arianna's twin...a widow with a few surprises in store.

I am planning to begin a writer's blog for this or just use my webpage for this. I think it would be easier for me in the long run. I do need to work on it or create a new one for writing. Not sure yet what I want to do.

I have been in my own apartment now for almost a year. I like it, but it is hard because my job isn't that lucrative. I am now searching for alternatives to the financial problem, but I am going to hang on for a while longer. I have been at my job for over a year, and I really don't see much of a future with it lately.

I do love having my own place, but I just don't like living so close to the city.

I have all of my freedoms back and able to have a lot of privacy, and that is good, I just miss my Ian Simon Sullivan. I can't afford to have a cat yet, but I do want one so bad, it kills me.

My neighbors are alright. One is definitely rude, another stays to herself, and the new one across the hall hasn't truly moved in yet...and the one on the bottom floor is the sweetest lady here, but you can tell she is lonely. I don't mind her coming up to chat or whatever, she is kind too.

I want to find a new job soon. I cannot afford to live my life and be able to save money in the one I am working in.

They killed Osama bin Laden. I am glad that he is finally gone, but part of me feels like his ending was anti-climatic considering that the War on Terror started so epically and so tragically...you would have thought that after all this time, we could have given those victims some form of satisfaction with his death, but from what is said, it happened so quickly nobody knew that he was dead until the end of the whole thing. He is truly gone now and we can breathe easier knowing one less man is on the Most Wanted list of all time.

I am currently stalled in my reading. I have a pile of TBR's on my nightstand, but I have been way to preoccupied with many things lately to get into them. Or I have been too tired from working and too stressed from my other activities to get into any one of them. Sad because I love reading so much.

The Awaiting Diana Blog is gone now, almost. The other creator and I are working to find a different path to take with it, but for now, we are on hiatus with it.

I am so tired these days. I can never get enough sleep, or enough relaxation time.

I am going to go ahead and create a new blog or a new web page for my writing. I think it will be easier if I do.

New Inspirations

I have really been into 30 Seconds to Mars lately. I don't know, it's like Seether for me. Something about the and the music gets to me deep down.

I have been busy with my job and a new endeavor lately, one that is close to my heart and writing the stories of my characters.

Sometimes I feel that the best way for me to do what I need to do is get back to basics. Back to me and what I am used to doing, and right now that is writing and everything in my heart.

I will write more later and introduce a new blog geared mainly towards writing...or a web page if that is possible.

Happy Birthday To Me

It's my birthday, and I hope that this year brings good things.

I want to practice what I am and do great things!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME