A New Year Is Coming

This weekend was great!

I spent time with my family and enjoyed every moment of it.

Usually, I love to spend time in my aunt's back yard, even in winter, because it reminds me of the first books on Wicca that I read...Wicca by Scott Cunningham.

I love remembering that time in my life and the journey that changed from Catholicism to Wicca.

Of course, it was an on and off struggle between both paths for a very long time, but this time it felt different.  I am moving on the path that I am supposed to be on.

As this year comes to a close, I am thankful for the chance that I have had to recuperate from cancer and regain my strength.  I am looking forward to the new year.

I have many plans this year and there is no set deadline for any of them because I don't want to heap a lot of things on me as I settle into my new job. 

I do plan to be more witchy and to stay in a routine.  I am going to start getting organized as well.

My birthday is coming up so I am going to spend that day being thankful for how my life is moving forward and grateful for the love that I have received over the last two years.

Blessed Be!

-Raven 

Merry Christmas From Me Via Stray Kids

Winter Solstice Blessings!

 

Blessed Be

-Raven

BtoB I'll Be Your Man

This is about six years ago, but BtoB is amazing.  

The vocals and the rapping for this song is top notch!  I love hearing this song, it shows off the vocals of the entire group,\.

ATEEZ(에이티즈) BY. HONGJOONG #5 – Numb (Original. Linkin Park)

I found this song a year or so ago.  I am a fan of Linkin Park, and thought that this cover would be the same as all cover songs, except from a Korean singer.

The song blew me away and I immediately went on YouTube to find out what other things Hong Joong has done...turns out that he is a rapper for the Korean band Ateez and they are amazing!

Meet Stray Kids!!

I have been listening to K-pop for a few years now, I love the difference in the sounds and the choreography of these groups from Korea.

However, one group blows me away every time I hear them.  They are Stray Kids, and their sound and rap abilities are amazing!!

Beware, these guys will blow you away!!

Loving The New Job and Doctor's Appointments Are Good

I have been at my new  job for three days, and off today for my doctor's appointment.

I love my new job!  It is so easy, and I am never busy. I get to sit around and read or knit for most of the day.

My new boss is awesome.  He lets me do whatever I want, and already has confidence in me, enough to leave me alone in the store for hours on end without worry.  He has complete confidence in me.

I don't think things could get any better for me there.  The pay is great for what I am doing too.  

This place reminds me of my first job in this type of work.  I loved that first job, and I love this place too.  I am not tired or overworked at the end of the day. Unlike my last job, I don't feel like someone knocked me over with a dump truck.

I look forward to going to work now, and that is a good thing.

I met a guy yesterday at the bus stop that can see auras.  He said mine was a bright blue one, which means healing.  We chatted for a little while, and it was cool.  He did apologize for just talking to me out of the blue, but he loved meeting people and because of my aura, he thought I would be a good person to talk to.  I didn't mind, usually people at the bus stop look at you like you are very strange or are wrapped up in their phones.  I didn't mind, really.  I thought it was cool. 

Yule is coming very soon, and I am preparing to celebrate it with a lot of love and affection.  I am looking forward to it.

My doctor's appointment went very well too.  Everything looks good, except for the pain that I have in the back of my head. It isn't cancer, so the doctor suggested that I take ibuprofen three times a day and go from there.  If the pain persists, I will go to my family doctor.

I can't wait until the tests and doctor's appointments are done and over with.  I am still being monitored for a year or so more to make sure that the cancer stays gone, but I am ready to get to the finish line on this one so that I can get on with life.

This year is almost over with, and I am feeling really good about how things are going.

More later....

-Raven

Happy Thanksgiving

 

Going Back To Work, Round Two

Working for my former company didn't work out.  They expected me to do the things that I had done before I got sick. 

My body said: "Nope, not this time around, not going to happen!"

I am not worried though, I applied at another company that I didn't realize was off the beaten path of the bus line, but a bit of a walk.  I didn't think that I would get it anyway, and if they called, I would tell them that I had made a mistake.

They called, and really wanted me to work for them. My experience was something that they didn't want to pass up, and they worked out a way to get me to and from the bus stop just so that I could work for them...that blew me away!

They also told me that the job was really simple, that I would have a lot of down time and I could read my Kindle or knit if I want to.  They were even sympathetic about the cancer and about the things that I will need to do to get through this next year...they are willing to work with me on these things and are going to do what they can to make sure that I can work.

Granted, there isn't  much that needs to be accommodated for with my cancer, just doctors visits, so this is really nice.

It feels good to know that someone wants me to work for them that bad that they are willing to help me so much.  I felt appreciated even before I could start working for them.  These people are really kind and caring.  

I start work on Monday and I am excited.  It won't take to long for me to get the hang of things and I will enjoy working there.  This time, I will be working with customers and processing garments.  The only thing that I will need to learn is their computer system. 

I am ready to go back to work and be in an environment where I won't have to be stressed out by everyone for no reason at all.   I hope that this job helps me to do the things that I need to do in life rather than rely on disability.  I want to rely on myself in the future.

I am so excited to get back to work!!

-Raven 

I Am Going Back To Work, Getting On Track

I am happy to say that I am going back to work on Monday.

I enjoyed the year and a half off, but the financial side was barely do-able. I can't live on a fixed income for much longer.  The holidays are coming and I want to be able to contribute to them.

I am going back to my old company, and I have asked about positions in another department.  I am not sure I want to work in the one I did before.  I liked the people I worked with, but I would prefer to work in a situation where I am not doing a lot of different jobs because others aren't there to help with them.

Before going back to work, I am getting my house ready with a deep clean so that I don't have to worry about my home when I go back to work.  With the darker months ahead, I think this will be for the best as well since it can get to be a downer as well as a celebratory time of the years.

I have also begun to ready myself for Samhain.  I won't be celebrating much for it, but I am now cleansing my tools, and will be consecrating them this weekend as well as setting up my alter.  

It is time to start working again on my spiritual self and moving forward as a Wiccan Witch.  I have been lazy long enough.

Once I finish the house cleaning and preparing my alter, I am going to stop watching a lot of television and go back to reading Outlander and all of my Wiccan, Witchcraft, and other books throughout the winter. I think that this will be a better way to spend my time than watching television all night/

The routines that I set up for myself since July have been going well, I will be able to do them when I start working again...I will have to do them earlier, and after I get out of bed, but that is alright.  I don't mind.  I will have to add in a small ritual for protection, prosperity and abundance for work.

I can't believe that I have been out of work this long.  It make me wonder how I will be able to survive when I retire.  I have a feeling that I will be so bored that I might take on a part time job or volunteer work just so that I am not sitting at home day after day.

Right now, I am focusing on housework, Wicca and preparing for this coming Monday.  I am getting excited about what is coming up.  Life will feel better for me, and I am certain that I can will feel better in the long run.

I am hoping that when I do go back to work I can lose a few pounds.  I gained so much weight this year that I am frustrated with it.  It is the most that I have weighed in my entire life, and I am now about twenty five pounds over what I was when I went in for my surgery and then chemotherapy and radiation.  I don't like it at all.

I can't wait to can't wait to consecrate and set up my alter again.  I am excited about this because I have felt out of touch without it since I moved into my apartment fifteen or so months ago.  It also feels right because I haven't had an alter up in about two years, when I had to live with my dad and stepmother.  

I am also looking forward to not wearing my pajamas all day and missing most of the daylight or wasting the day watching television.  I will not be hesitant to put on regular clothes and looking like everyone else who goes out to work. 

Life is getting better and I hope that it continues to get better.  I hope that the cancer doesn't come back when I go to work and that I stay healthy.

Blessed be.

-Raven 

Happy 15th Anniversary!!!

As of today, this blog has been up for fifteen years!!  

I am surprised that I have been able to keep going, even if I have been doing so on and off for the last five or six years!!

Happy 15th Anniversary, Blue Rose Journal!!! 

Rest In Love, Loretta Lynn

Loretta Lynn has passed away. 

For me, she was a link to my grandma.

I will miss her very much.

Rest in love, Beautiful!

-Raven

It's Fall Again!

We are heading into the holiday  season.  First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, Christmas and the beginning of the new year.

I always look forward to this time of year, I love how we can spend time with family and friends while the world outside gets colder and the days get shorter.

Recently, I have been slacking on the things that I needed to do, so I have been working a bit on correcting the situation.  I usually like to get my home clean for the colder months so that I don't have to worry about much...and I do feel better when I have a clean home.

I have also resolved to finish reading Diana Gabaldon's latest book, Go Tell The Bees That I Am Gone.  I am half way finished so it should not be to long before I can blog about it on my Outlander blog.

I now have season 6 of Outlander that I will watch very soon.  I am planning on having an Outlander weekend soon.

I am also planning a Jane Austen re-read on all of her novels and watching the adaptations of the shows as well very soon.  I love Jane and I want to  go back into that world.

I am also preparing myself to go back to work.  I think that I will go back after the New Year.  If I do this, I want to make sure that my home and routines are set in stone and that I am prepared for it.  I will feel better going back when everything is set the way it should be and I have everything down pat before I rejoin the work force.

I am also working through this nostalgia phase of my life.  I don't know why, but I still feel like I want to go back in time where I was not living alone, had shows I loved to watch, read all the time, and worked in my hometown.  

Since the end of July, I have been using my planner almost every day, it has helped me with my routines because I actually write out my routines in the To-Do portion of the planner.  I still need to start getting up at a regular time and going to bed at a regular time, but I am going to start working on that sometime soon.  

I need to set up a rules list for my home and myself so that I can live better and keep the routines and the chores going every day.  I live a bit in chaos right now, and that will need to stop before I go back to work as well.

I am looking forward to the holidays this year.  I love them so much.  It is more about family and being happy than it is about the things we receive from it all.  I can't wait for it all.  

This Christmas, I am planning to decorate.  I didn't last year because I was recovering from the cancer and didn't have much energy to do much.  This year, I am feeling very good, and am ready for celebration.

I am also looking forward to baking and helping everyone with food for the holidays.  I never got to help them with the dinner and dishes before, and I am not sure why I didn't help.  I think some of the reason was because we never thought about it before.  I have some cool pans and things that I can use, and they hardly every get used because I haven't had the chance to use them before.  I want to be a part of that, and do some cool stuff for everyone too.

I am working on my home so that my mother and aunt can come over and watch a movie that we are all looking forward to seeing.  I want the place to sparkle and gleam for them, and it will be an incentive for having them over more often. I like having family over.

I love fall, and I can't wait for Samhain and Yule too.  I am going to start working on them very soon because this is a great time of year for Wiccans, Pagans and Witches.  These celebrations will become part of my traditions too.  I am excited.

My last Petscan showed that I am still cancer free, but lit something up in my colon.  A colonoscopy showed that I had a  huge polyp and the doctor removed it and it was clear of anything.  I need to go back in six months for another colonoscopy in six months just to make sure that everything is alright now.  I go back to my oncologist in December.

I think that I have to keep going to the oncologist for another year of surveillance just to make sure that I am going to stay clear of the cancer.

My hair has been growing back, but it seems to be coming in slowly.  It hasn't even hit my shoulders yet.  At first, it came in white and gray, now it is coming back in as my natural hair color.  I am glad about that.

I have gained a lot of weight. I am now thirty pounds heavier than I was when I started chemotherapy.  I am at one hundred fifty now, and it is bothering me a lot.  I think that it is my metabolism after the hysterectomy, and sitting around most days just watching television and not getting up to do anything.  I only eat one meal a day and a snack later on, so I am a bit uptight about this.  

This season will be awesome, and I cannot wait to see what is in store for the last three months of this year!

-Raven

London Bridge Is Down and Life These Days

There is a certain sadness that has been blanketing the world since yesterday morning.

After 96 years of life and 70 years, 214 days Queen Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, Queen of Great Britain and the Commonwealth has died.

Even though she was a queen to the UK, the rest of the world loved her.  We shared her sorrows and her joys, her upsets and her bad times as she shared ours all over the world.

She rallied her nation in times of trouble and strife even before becoming queen. She shared their burdens from World War II on.

I loved her because she was a piece of a country that I love, a couple of my favorite authors were born and died there....many of my favorite music artists are British.  I love British stories, and I love watching the monarchy and British television programs as much as I love Korean dramas.

I think that it is awesome that her reign outlived her great great grandmother, Queen Victoria AND it outlasted the reigns of her male predecessors.  She was a modern woman of her time like Queen Victoria and helped ease the citizen through the changing times.  

She sacrificed a lot for her country, at times she couldn't spend as much time with her children as I am sure she wanted to, but she made up for it as they got older.  

She was a present grandmother when her grandsons needed her.  During the loss of Diana, she chose to be there for her grandsons even though the nation was criticizing her for her slow response to the death of Diana.  She was following protocol.

I will be honest, I thought that she was purposely outliving her son because of how he had behaved throughout most of his life.  King Charles III was never one of my favorites in the family, but in recent years he has been proving himself to being the kind of person to represent the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth as Head of State.  His reign won't be very long, but I am sure that in his time, he will do a good job.  Still not a fan of the Queen Consort but that is alright.

Rest In Love, Your Highness and God save the King!!

Since the end of July, I have been taking myself into control. I began by re-starting my beauty routine and taking vitamins.  I felt that it was time for me to be proactive in my life so that I would feel better and be ready to return to work.

My latest Petscan showed that I am still basically cancer free but there was a few places between my colon and intestines that lit up and my doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy so that we can clear up the issue fast, but he doesn't think that this is cancer, which is good.

I have been trying to get more exercise and improving my stamina so that I can go back to work.

The only concern that I have is that I have gained thirty pounds and I now weigh more than I ever have in my life.  I don't like this and in research, found that I am now over weight, even though you can barely tell because it is distributed throughout my body.  I don't like this at all so I am trying to lose it in a healthy and positive way.

I have been so bored with everything in the last few months.  I am so ready to go out and start working again.  

I get lazy too.  I haven't even finished Diana Gabaldon's latest novel for some reason.  It has been out since last November.   I know that part of me wants to take it slow and savor it because Herself likes to take her time writing and makes sure that the novels are at their best, but this other little part of me doesn't want to read for some reason.  I will read in spurts sometimes. I don't know why I am like this.

This also happens when I try to knit.  I will knit for a while but then put it down and not do anythng with it for a week or so.  I quit in the middle of some of my projects too.

I don't like to watch a lot of television lately either.  I spend a lot of time watching Korean dramas though.  I need to figure out what is wrong with me these days and fix them.

Raven

Fall Is Coming!!

Fall is coming, and I cannot wait!  It is my favorite time of year.

While everyone is going crazy for the pumpkin everything, I am looking forward to the changing colors...

Between Mabon and Samhain, I can't wait for the oranges and browns that will saturate the earth for us as we prepare to move our lives inside.

I am looking forward to the cooling air and the scents that fall provides for us.

It's a time to fill our cupboards and closets for those cold months of winter.  To make sure that we have everything we need to maintain ourselves when we cannot.

I am stocking up my fall/winter reading, favorite foods and the things I need for my magickal practice.  I also have my fiction section stocked up too.

I have gone back to using a planner, and I think that I will start doing more with it so that I can write in my journal and in Outlander Musings more.  i should block time out for those activities.

I noticed that I have kept this blog for fifteen years come October.  That is exciting and I hope that I can continue The Blue Rose Journal on for a very long time. I just need to write again.

As the nostalgia bloomed in me, I went on Kindle and bought most of the books that I had once read and reviewed here.  I thought that it would be great to read those books once again and go back here and read my reviews on those books.

I was reading through here and missed those book reviews that I once did here.  I thought that it would be nice if I can do that again...and this time, include the books I read on my spiritual path.  That may go a long way towards keeping this blog active and help me remember to write more often...of course, it will give me more to do than just going for walks and sitting around watching movies all day.

It is now time for me to reactivate myself and get back to doing the things that I love so much!

Blessed be!

Raven

Life Is Getting There

It has been a very good month so far.

I have been doing most of the routines and taking the vitamins like I used to, and I am feeling a lot better.

I have been walking a lot more these days, connecting with nature and getting my spiritual groove back.  I think that things will be better once I am 100% back to my normal self.

Recently, I have been itching to recreate my alter.  I have been getting everything that I will need to set up.  I have a lot of stuff for my alter, but I just wanted a few little things that will enhance my spiritual power.

I am buying more books for my path as well so that I can enhance my growth as a Wiccan and strengthen my knowledge.  

Saturday, I am getting a huge witchy haul and I am so excited for the items to come in.  I have some crystals, books and other things that I fell in love with.  I can't wait to get them.

 Tomorrow, I will be getting some of the things that I ordered and I cannot wait to see them.

At this point, I am starting to feel better with myself and my life.  I am getting along with my family, I have found an old friend, and I am going back on my path.  

I am looking forward to Mabon this year.  I didn't celebrate Lamas, so Mabon will be my first celebration coming back in.  I am excited.

Everything seems to be getting better!

-Raven

Old Things, Renewing Old Routines and Religion Issues

For over a week now, I have been going back to old things.

First, I talked to a friend about the death of another and writing about it on my other blog.  I spent time thinking about that friend and the things that happened when I was young.

Then I bought the music of the band that we used to listen to and reflecting on that time.  It felt like the things that I had worked through and put into my memory hall just spilled out into now.  

I wasn't angry over this since I think that our friend needed to hear what I had to say to heal and I had to just spend time with this old friend after all, I am comfortable with the past, but I think this friend hasn't been and I feel guilty for not talking to her about this from the beginning.

Next, I restarted my old routines and started working on getting my life back to where it should be.  This is a good thing because I will have to go back to work sooner or later.

Then, I went to my poetry blog and re-read my old poems, remembering things that happened in the last fifteen years after that time.  I don't know why I did that, it just felt natural.

I am not sure why I am going back to the past now since I like moving forward, but it felt good to spend time with the ones who have gone before me.

I think that a new era is coming with this friend that I haven't seen in thirty years.  I don't mind it really, but I do hope that we can find a new way to be friends without the one who died. Don't get me wrong, I love this woman very much, but I don't want to wallow in the past if we hang out together in the future.

It's been a weird week of change and going backward too, I am not sure that I will go backwards again because I know that I love living now and I know that my heart isn't back there where there was a lot of pain and anger.  I like living happy now.

I think that this is the reason why I am having trouble getting to sleep this week.  I hate that I can lay down, thinking that I will sleep then my mind keeps racing to the point that sleep seems impossible.  One night, I lay down around 10 p.m. and didn't get to sleep until 3 a.m.  It was annoying since I did take melatonin to fall asleep.  One night, I woke up in the middle of the night and it took more than an hour to get back to sleep.

It's harder because I am trying to establish a sleep pattern so that I won't have problems when I do go back to work.  I want to slip into the routine when the time comes.  

I have been working on relieving my boredom by getting outside more and doing more housework this week, I am hoping that by doing this it will help me get into the habit of doing it.  I am like a lot of people, I really hate housework, and I do very little of it, but that needs to change.

Doing my old facial regime has been fun though...I can feel and see a difference in my skin. I love it!  I miss the days when I did it twice a day and I felt powerful.  I am starting to get that feeling back and it's a great thing.

I need to start eating three meals a day instead of just one and a snack cake or chips all day.  I started taking vitamins again, so I should at least start eating too.  My weight is higher than it has ever been, but I am not upset about it since I do feel good.

It's been over a year since my bladder surgery so my body has healed from that, and it's been nine months since my last round of chemotherapy so I am feeling good, I just need to keep my energy levels up and start doing more in the way of exercise.

I think that I need to move past this thing where I have been going backwards into a pas that really doesn't help me feel good about myself.  Right now, I am saturating myself with KPop and trying to bring myself back to myself.

I am also working through my feelings about my spirituality.  I am not very comfortable with the path that I am on and I want to go back to where I was with religion, but Christianity isn't very satisfying to me like Wicca was.  I feel like I want to walk the Goddess path more than follow Christianity.

These feelings on religion are probably part of why I am a little irritated about the walk I have been taking down memory lane and why I am not doing the things that I should for Christianity.  It's probably part of why I can't sleep at night.

This may also explain why I keep buying things related to Wicca.  The calling might be getting louder instead of weaker.  

I will think about this a little longer, and may celebrate Midsummer just to see if this is what is happening to me.

I should start reading and doing more writing too, I want to be myself again, but lately, I don't feel like I am trying to and that bothers me too.

-Raven 

I Am So Lazy

I have been a bit quiet lately because I don't have any energy and I am really bored. Nothing ever happens when you are not working due to medical reasons.

It's been a year since my bladder was removed and everything is going well so far.  

Since I haven't been at work, days just jumble together for me and I forget what day it is.  Most days, I just sit in front of the tv watching a lot of nonsense and waiting for the sun to go down so that I can get to tomorrow.  

I haven't finished reading Diana Gabaldon's latest release, and it came out at the end of November.  I would usually have it read in a month or so.  I am a very bad Gabaldon fan.

I feel like I can't get the energy I need to be myself anymore.  I know that some of this may be slight depression, but that confuses me since I don't have anything to be depressed about.

I rarely watch the news or try to see what depressing things happen so that isn't why I am like this.

It may be a general sense of boredom with myself these days.

I can give myself the pep talk and try to give myself a sense of gusto, but that requires the energy that I am not feeling these days.

I wonder if my problems stem from inactivity and not eating more than one meal a day. 

I have this strong feeling of nostalgia recently.  For some reason, I want to go back to the way things were when I lived at home.  I want to spend more time with my family and have holidays again.

This year has been very odd for holidays in my family.  First with Dad and my stepmom getting sick, and my mother forgetting holidays, it's getting hard to get into the spirit of things anymore.

I don't even want to go out for a walk or sit in the park anymore, and that is very strange for me since I have to walk everywhere and I love the park.

I need to exercise so that I can go back to work and not get tired before I can get an actual break, but I don't want to go out and do it.

Even housework, a chore I hate but do anyway, is getting put off and the messes are getting out of control.

I will eventually figure this out, but it is driving me crazy.

 

Life On Planet Earth

I tell you, since I have been taking time off for my health, my life has been a bit boring.

I haven't even done much of anything except watch Outlander, watch television and clean house. I don't do a whole lot of anything these days.

The cancer is still gone, so that is good.

I have tried to get things done that I can't while I am working though: teeth fixed, eye doctor out of the way and spending time with my family. 

Even though it has been out since November, I have barely read much of Diana Gabaldon's newest novel Go Tell the Bees Than I Am Gone.  I don't know why I haven't read much of it, I am home all the time so I had that month to spare to read the book.

I don't think that I am tired of reading Diana's novels since they are brilliant, so that can't be it. I think there is a bit of a fear that we will be waiting for the next novel for a while, so I would savor the book, but that isn't it either.  I just haven't been reading much recently.

I am also thinking about the things I used to do and the life that I had when I was in my hometown. Part of me wants that back, but I know that it can't happen. Old things pass away and you move forward.

I have been working on getting myself back together and into routines. This was hard when I was on the chemotherapy and concentrating on getting well. Getting back into those routines is harder than I thought they would be. 

I do like my new-ish home, of course there are things that are annoying...like my neighbor downstairs who is a bit of a pain in the butt, but can be nice too. He is kind of goofy really.

My landlord is kind and sweet. He lives downstairs too, and he is always looking out for me, wanting to make sure that I am alright and that things are going well for me after my illness. He never gets into my business, so that is a good thing.

I have also decided that I don't want to be a part of the Auxiliary on any other level than what I am doing, our post and unit have changed so much and the attitudes no longer coincide with how we need to help our veterans and the community, it has become a very uncomfortable place for me to go without my stepmother there too.

The only place that I have been to blog is at my Outlander blog:  Outlander Musings and even there, I feel a lot of nostalgia without my blogging partner. 

I have been walking a lot more these days. It gets easier with time and determination, even though I don't walk on days when the weather is cold, I do get out.

I also knit a lot these days, it helps to while away the time. I could listen to Bees on my Audibles when I am knitting but then I get engrossed in listening and screw up stitches...I can be hopeless in this.

Well, the dishes are calling so I will go now.

Have a great day!

Happy Healthier Birthday To Me

This year, as I am now free from chemo and radiation...and so far clear of the disease, I am planning to get healthy and strong once again.  I want to go back to a normal life, even if that normal life is a bit different.

HAPPY HEALTHY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!