Grandma's Birthday

Today was my grandmother's 88th birthday.  I don't count on her being here for much longer, maybe another 5-7 years, since the average ages of her 13 brothers and sisters is around 93-95 with the exception of one who lived to be 103 because of her lifestyle.

I am not being mean about this since I am looking at it for what it is...and because I love her very much.  She also doesn't do anything but sit around and read...and she has been like this for the last ten years.  Her short term memory is starting to go too.  

I love grandma even when she was being a pain in the butt, but I want to  prepare my mind and my heart for when it happens.

She has been good to me and my four siblings, she has loved us  and her daughters very much.  I never want to forget that in this lifetime.

Today also marks the 26th anniversary of the death of my step sister.  I am having a great day even though I am feeling like a bit of a let down to her.

I know my step sister has moved on from the Summerlands, but I can't help but feel like I am not living up to the potential I need to when she couldn't in her life with my family.

I am generally at peace over her now, it is hard to not be when there is so much else that needs to be done in my own life.

I still haven't found a job, but I am still looking and not loosing hope.