Day One/Failure To Commit

First of all, thank you to all of my supporters, but I have already failed in my commitment to quit smoking....I bought a pack on Saturday afternoon when I had less than half a pack left to begin with, and continued to smoke on Sunday....

I have examined the reasons for this: first of all, I didn't get myself into the frame of mind to BE a non-smoker, and while I wanted to, I didn't make myself ready for it....no pep talks, no replacement routines...and while I had the research and ideas, I didn't make the commitment with a full heart. Second, I need to change habit. Since it's hard for me to change, I didn't have alternative ideas ready.

Then, there is this: my brakes went out on Sunday, and cost $500 to fix, stressing me out...and yesterday I didn't get to start training for my new job because I had to take said car to the shop to fix, and it wasn't ready when I needed it, and by that point it was to late to go into the new job.,..I was upset...even though I had gotten out of my old job with enough time, the car repair shop was the problem....so, I bought another pack of cigarettes.

I know that many of you have said that you have put down the pack and walked away or just thrown them into the trash-most of you had a great incentive to quit-babies on the way, or fathers-to-be, or illness...me, however, I don't have those reasons (although, it will obviously cause illness in the future-this is the present)...so, quitting is something I want to do as much as need to do...and I am going to.

Here's the plan: I am going to finish out the week as a smoker, letting friends help me get into the mind frame of being a non-smoker...and thinking along those lines. Since my car was cleaned out Sunday, and the ash tray is relatively empty, and the nicotine is off the windshield, I am only allowed to smoke one cigarette in the car a day...this should make it easy for me to think that I can't smoke while driving (my ash tray was a disgusting nasty mess because I don't throw my butts out the window, this country is trashed enough without me adding to it). I will continue to seek out the information I need to help me through the first two weeks, and I will cut back from half a pack a day to a fourth a pack a day....that should help.

I am also going to buy some aides to help me quit smoking...something like a pill that makes me believe that if I smoke while taking it, I will endanger my life...that is something I always thought I would need-a pill that makes me think along those dastardly lines....no joke!!!

This has to be done...for myself, more than anything else....and I want it.

Now, my first training day at my new job went well, although they had a presser quit...and I got stuck having to do that job for a while (after doing it for 6 hours at my old job)....it was alright. I will like it there, everyone seems nice, and I feel comfortable there....the music is so much better. No offense, but I am tired of the oldies and that song about having a bad day...and all the emo songs that are played on the top forty....the music they listen to is hip hop, but it's not so bad....it puts a bit of bounce in the step and makes the atmosphere lighter. This isn't to say that I will listen to it all the time, mind you, but it's nice to have a change....and I will still go back to listen to my favorites (right now, I wake up to the classical music station-which is a mistake because it makes me want to just lay in bed and relax rather than get up and face the day).
I believe that I will like it at my new job, and they seem willing to help me, and quick with a smile and a hello....that is the kind of thing that I like to do when I go to work...it puts everyone at ease, and makes it easier to work. Even when I apologized to the assembler on the shirt side for the mistakes with the sleeve press, he said it wasn't a problem, and that is what he got paid to do-one of my favorite lines....lol I was even complimented for being able to figure out their assembling system so quickly (the owner said that was good, and he wasn't surprised since I told him that I could do almost any job in the dc business, he had a smile on his face, and I could tell that he was pleased to have me there).

So, I am looking forward to Monday, even if I have to start out as a shirt presser until they find someone to fill the job....and then I will be the assembler. It will be nice to work Monday through Friday, 9-5 (yes, I am not kidding, that is my hours-when I become assembler), and NO WEEKENDS! I can't wait...this means that I can go out camping this summer-YAY!!! I won't have to worry about going to work during the weekend!!! Oh, and there are benefits!! I get medical and dental after 90 days, and after 6 months, I get a week vacation...with 2 weeks in a year....oh, and in 90 days, I will get a raise also....can you believe it?

I forgot to ask what my pay is...but I will tomorrow when I go in....by the weekend, I will be able to figure out how and when I will be able to get my own place again (I miss my queen size bed!!).
Everyone have a great evening, I am going home to watch Celtic Thunder then a few episodes of Monarch of the Glen before going to bed tonight...I believe that a celebration of Godiva Liqueur is called for tonight, and some peace and tranquility (no one is home, everyone is in Wilmington searching out apartments for my little sister's next college phase) and I am going to enjoy it!!!


~Karol Lynn