Updating and Such

The new job is going well.  I am happy and grateful to have a job so I am not doing much complaining.

I am learning new things at the job but I see a lot of the same old same old there!

I am working on getting myself back on track and working towards a healthier self.  I can't wait to see what happens in the next few weeks.

A friend and I are doing a new blog about Diana Gabaldon...it is about as many things as we can do, even a re-read discussion on the books.  It will be fun and I cannot wait to get going!!

I am having trouble with my internet and it is making me crazy, I am trying for patience but it isn't working...I think I need to find a new outlet for the upset..I don't know why, but it is irritating to keep trying and I am searching for a better and more affordable internet provider.

This month should start proving to be financially better.  I am hoping by the end of July to be able to have all my bills up to date and down to a reasonable amount for each.

Life is alright at home as of now.  I am hoping to get things going that I want to have out there and running.

Sadness In Perpetuating Lies

I am beginning to suspect two friends of lying.  It is all online, and I understand that people are never honest online, but since I talk to one of these two and they are mother and son in real life and they lie about him, it is hard for me to keep silent about it.

While I am not upset about this, these two have themselves and the world convinced that he is someone he is not and for some reason neither of them seem to realize that it is easy to Google the truth, and that this is not right.  He posts pictures that he passes off as himself...

The thing about this that worries me is that you can find the actual person on Youtube in interviews and his own website with information that is totally different...mainly, the actual person is a straight married man who is about five years older than my friend.

The other problem has been that the things they tell me don't match up to the person himself.  While they lie about his identity, they slip up and share reality with everyone online and with me when I talk to the mother.

I don't know why this woman insists on perpetuating these lies by involving herself in them and laughing over it.  It is nuts and wrong.  He is a young man, and a father of 3 children...though I question this situation a lot because some parts of this story have me scratching my head and the pictures they send me of the youngest seem odd and not a match for things.  This does more harm than good to these two.  

The worst part about this is that he has his boyfriend convinced he is this other person and it explains why this young man really doesn't want to meet the guy in real life since they only met online.  This is going to hurt the boyfriend, who is a friend of mine and a veteran of this country...he doesn't deserve this kind of pain after the ten years and five tours he did in Afghanistan and Iraq.  This young man is being totally selfish, self centered and self absorbed.  It is not going to be good...if this man discovers the truth from anywhere else other than his lover he will never be able to trust this young man again...even if he forgives him, he will have a hard time believing the young man and always wonder what other lies he is being fed.

These two have made a lot of people believe these lies, and as I believed some of them myself, I am in a place where I cannot be angry...it isn't my place to be angry or get involved.  I am going to wait to see what happens and if they tell the truth on their own.  

There are times when he posts a picture of something that is real and it doesn't match the image he is trying to portray.  Even his postings don't make much sense in this regard.

I know they are good people and if they tell the truth to me, I will tell them I already know and it is alright.  I won't be the one to out them to others...even here, I am keeping their identities secret (though I hope a certain person never sees this blog post).  

Believe me, I want to  say something to them right now, but it is hard when I know they will get defensive....I may accidentally slip up one day, but I am trying hard right now to learn discretion in this situation.

Oh well, people are never completely honest  online and that is alright because they are trying to protect their identity, but to go overboard like this and believe it yourself seems a bit much.  I hope he comes clean some day in the future.

My News and Basics For The Time Being

I believe I am going to be alright by June 1, as I have said before, but it will take a bit of work to get there with the bills and everything else I am working on.

Next month will be a busy one for me, not just with working, but other commitments I have made.  It will be alright and I am ready to do what needs to be done, so I am not worried.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic today as I sit here online and type.  I know the past is gone, but it would be nice to go back and review what it was like back then so I can use those lessons for the future.

I haven't mentioned this, but I have found someone I am in love with...so far, that love has only manifested itself online because the one I love and who loves me is still very shy.  

Our relationship began as a friendship and grew through role play...and she shocked me when she admitted that she had strong feelings for me at the beginning of the year....and I for her.

Though, she lives maybe a 5 hour drive away from me in the state below and west of me, we have never spoken on the phone, exchanged pictures OR done any of the normal relationship things others do, even in long distance relationships...I often feel that this is a shadow thing and that she isn't always real...and she is very shy and won't tell me things unless I drag it out of her.  I have to ask her for every morsel of information that I get.  I am working on it though.

I think she is also worried because, until now she has never liked women...and I have liked both for a very long time, I just normally gravitate towards men mostly.  My last relationship with a woman wasn't a healthy one for either myself or the woman who loved me....my only wish and goal for that woman was for her to find real happiness that I couldn't give her.

Anyway, I am working on my girl and I am hoping that it works out, and if it doesn't then I am looking at one hell of a wonderful friend for life because she is a beautiful soul and I love keeping those around me as long as we are able.

By the end of this month, I am hoping to get my routines for work down and get myself back into good habits and out of the bad.  It will not be easy, but I want to do these things for myself to make life better in the coming months and years.  

I have learned in the last 6 months that I NEVER want to be on unemployment again.  I hate it, I learned that I don't like being helped by my aunt who selflessly sent me money she worked hard for her entire life.  It made me feel horrible to know that she loves me enough to do this for me, and I never want her to feel she has to do this again.  

I learned that I like making my own money and I like paying my own bills and being responsible for myself.

I also learned that I hate this apartment and want out as soon as I can find a better and safer place to live with Emma.  I want a place with room for me and life.

I also figured out that the things I enjoy in life can wait until the bills are paid and I can afford them, but I can find cheaper things to enjoy in life too.  

I also need to catch up on my email and make some new email pals.  It is tiring not having people to chat with and laugh with online that aren't facebook pals who are often busy doing a thousand other things in the world.  I also miss my friend Nej's fun and insightful conversations.  

I miss chatting with people about books and other fun things.  I also miss the friends I had made in other realms whom I never get to chat with anymore.  It is sad that we all went our separate ways, but that is the way of it, you move on and make more friends and hope that the ones of the past are happy.

Since I began my new job, many have asked me about the job I had that fired me...wanting to know about the place.  I have mentioned this to my boss and told her that I really do not want to talk about the place because I think it is unfair to do so now.  To me, that part is gone, and anyone who wishes to work there can find out on their own what it is like to work there....while it was a good company, it was the employees that made the company hard for me, and I do not wish to speak ill of them or the employees in question because it is bad karma.  

The real reasons are in my memory and I have moved on and wish that company no ill will, and that the person behind the actual reasons somehow finds goodness.  I also know that karma works both ways and that she will get what she throws out threefold and I will not see it, nor do I care to.  

I learned to move on and I learned that I am NOT the person she painted me to be back then.  I know I don't have an attitude problem, and I am good at what I do.  I am a hard worker and I am a great person on top of that...and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.  I have moved on and that is that!!  The reason can drive someone else crazy, talk bad about me and throw others under the bus all she wants....it is her karma she is dealing with, and as for mine...I am going to go about my business my way and worry about ME!!!

Anyway, my next goals in life are to fix the financial, get into a routine, work as hard as I can, and get my life clean, organized and refreshed by November.  Not an easy task, but I am sure it can be done if I just keep going right?

I am also going to start doing some basic writing again and attempting to keep this blog updated as much as I can!

A Young Man Named R

There is this young guy I work with, he is very energetic and has a great attitude.

He is also into reading books about things that others find a bit weird...like a woman who went to live in a village where the people practiced voodoo...he acts like a wild child, but he is very intelligent.

He knows Spanish and speaks fluently with this girl we have at work who is very sweet...

However, I have found that while others there like him, they are quick to make stupid and ignorant comments concerning the things he likes to read and the things he enjoys.  

Why do people do that?  What would they do if they KNEW that I am a Wiccan AND a bisexual woman?  What would they say to the stuff that I like to read and the things I love to do?

I don't understand why people are quick to put down those who wish to use their minds to grow and to understand the world around them.  It is crazy to see this going on all over the world.

R must be about 25 years old if he is a day and has never been to college, but that doesn't seem to stop this young man from devouring knowledge...he is a very kind man too, he isn't judgemental or crazy.  

Actually, R is a very handsome young man even with the tattoos and the gravelly voice.  He is quick with a smile, a comment, a laugh or help when needed.  Everyone loves him there...so why treat the things he enjoys with such a derogatory attitude?

Just because he likes to read about this adventuress going to places we never will doesn't mean he will go crazy on people and start doing oddball things!!

Malcolm X ended up reading the Koran and went on a pilgrimage to learn about Islam!  Nobody things he was crazy or nuts even if he often spoke too forcefully during his fight for equality and a dissolution of segregation...he was a hero and a legend...who says this young man will not be that someday too? 

Besides, isn't knowledge the key to understanding and understanding is the key to power???  Just a thought.

Tiny Update

I am very sore and tired from my new job, and working hard and learning more.  

I am hoping that by June 1 I will have everything I need to accomplish financially done.  

This has been a great week, but I caught a cold.  Weird, but it is alright.  I will live!

I will be back soon to talk more about my job and the new position I have as Chaplain of my ALA post.  It will be an interesting year for that...especially since I am a Wiccan!

Be well everyone!
Karollynn

New New New

I am loving my job so far.  It is hard work, and I have only worked a few days this week, but that is alright since it is a job.

I am learning a lot there this week and finding that I am glad to be back, though I do still protect myself from things because I see the pitfalls there now that I am mentally aware of them.

I am hoping that things improve greatly because there are things in my apartment I would finally like to throw away and to start fresh.

I need new dishes, bed linens and clothes.  I am going to replace those in the near future.

It seems things are going great for many of my friends and I am glad to see that the world will start going fine again soon!

I cannot wait to see what I can accomplish in the near future.

Now to get myself into those routines I am constantly talking about...hehehe

I Have A Job

I am sorry for not being here for a while.

I had lost my electric AGAIN and was having a lot of financial difficulties that kept me away from things.

Two weeks ago, I called a former employer to ask if she would mind if I used her as a reference while looking for a job.  She said yes, then we talked for a little while and she asked me if I would like to come in for an interview, I said yes, but the only thing I feared was that I had already worked for the company before and didn't know how people would feel having me there, she told me not to worry and all we were doing was an interview to see if I fit in with the new regime, and if it didn't work out, she was more than happy to give me a glowing reference for any job I applied for.

They called me Friday and I began my new/old job yesterday.  It was nice, they hired me back to work in a different department than I was used to and were willing to train me to do a different job...they also started me out a bit more than I was making when I left for the other job that fired me.

There is a new and more positive attitude about the place this time.  Don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with the place when I was there before, but this time, there is a lighter air about the place, like it had gotten a spring clean and everything was fresh and calm despite the amount of work all of the employees now have...and their workload has increased in a great way, and I am glad.

It was nice to see how much more they were doing there despite the NEW shiny cleaners I went to work for, and that any lost business came back to them.  I hated that they lost some business, but it looks like they found a way to fix that and look for more ways to make money.

I am very proud of them for how they were able to rally and pull themselves up from the recession that seems to be squeezing the life out of all of us very slowly and painfully.

I have to go back to walking for about 35 minutes every day, but that is alright, it keeps me young and healthy.

I am just excited about being able to afford food and all of my bills!

Now it is time to start concentrating on the things I want to accomplish next on my To-Do list!!  

I am ready to get to the other things that I want to get done in the near future, and I am ready to get to them now.  Many don't have anything to do with money, but with myself and now that the bad is behind me, I am ready to move on to accomplish the good!!