Do You Remember This Christmas Song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jEnTSQStGE

I remember hearing this for the first time at Christmas around 1986...I was sixteen years old. It made me cry, and I believe that this was the first time that the window opened for me.

You see, we all have a window that we can open and shut on the world when it gets to be too much. Some people shut that window the minute bad things happen and don't think about it...that isn't so for me-whether it's the War now, or the elections, children being murdered in our own country or starving across an ocean, I usually watch and watch until I have made myself sick with it...I care to much and I cannot shut that particular window.

Maybe Father never intended for me to shut that window, and when it was first opened that year, I actually participated in the events of the time, and listened to the other song that came out that year....maybe I am supposed to do something out there, but I have yet to figure it out yet.

So, here I sit, thinking about St. Theresa of Calcutta, better known as Mother Theresa of Calcutta, and what she had once said about helping others: "You just start with one...", and so maybe if I begin with one thing, and one person, then move on to the next, maybe someday I will figure out what it is that I am supposed to do with myself in this world, and where I will be most needed.

Patience....

Yesterday at Mass, I recieved a message that I needed to hear....

As the Liturgy of the Word came to a close....it was the one where John the Baptist sends his disciples to ask Jesus if He is the One, and Jesus answers in a way that gives the imprisoned John the hope he needs for patience.

Our homily was given by one of the wonderful Fransican priests who give so much love and such wonderful messages just by being themselves and loving Father and Christ...trying to live as the examples set by St. Frances....

I digressed, but in the homily, our dearest Fransican spoke of patience and how it's hard to do so in the world of instant gratification-fast food, prompt service every where we go. Sometimes patience is hard with these things right where we need them to be.

His words make sense to me...be patient, things will happen as they should, and you will recieve what you need from Father. With all of the holiday comings and goings, I am going to try just that...patience. I will wait to work on some of my mission statement-the job and new home part for now because everything else needs to be taken care of first...on is my relationship with Father-I need to repair this one, and remember how to pray to Him, something I got out of the habit of doing and now I am having a bit of trouble reaching out to ask Him for anything....unless it's for others.

It's been cold here, snow and rain, slush and temperatures in the teens today and this weekend...it's alright because I think of all of the people in the world who had to deal with ice storms and huge blizzard conditions this past week and weekend, and I am thankful that we got the least of the bad weather here. I was just thankful that I could go to Mass yesterday to hear the message I needed to hear-I looked outside thinking that it would be absolutely horrible outside, buta when I saw that it wasn't bad, only cold, I thought to myself "if Jesus can go out into a dry, hot desert for 40 days, you can take that ten minute drive to St. Andrew's Parish in Milford, Ohio, and attend an hour long Mass." So I went, and I was greatly rewarded.

The countdown to Christmas is on, and I have three people to buy for and haven't even begun to shop!! I am not lazy, just been broke and the weather has been bad recently...but I am going to go today, or tomorrow....either way, I am going soon. lol

I finished re-posting all of my poetry on my other blog here. I am ready to begin the next chapter of my poetic self. It may not begin for a little while, but I know that I will be going to that blog first to post....now I will just enjoy the Christmas season and write as it comes.

I Have Forgotten Something Important...

In my way, I have forgotten something important:





I am not trying to confuse anyone. I am definitely trying not to confuse myself.

However, I do feel that the female voice that has been calling my name isn't a goddess, but perhaps the Queen of Heaven...the Holy Mother, The Virgin Mary calling out to me to listen to her son.

This explains why I have been going back and praying the Rosary-the Marian and the Divine Mercy-over the past two or three days. I needed to hear Her, and not whatever it was that my mind tried to make it out to be. So, I think I will just continue to go to Mass, and to read any and everything spiritual that I can.

I think my problem is that I am looking at this from a spirituality perspective more than from any other way. It's not about my salvation or anything like that, but a need to connect with Someone higher....not some un-named goddess or god, but with the one I called Father on more than many occasions.

Continue to pray for me in this one, I am slowly working my way through. I am also celebrating the Advent so that with the Coming of Our Salvation, I think I will be able to reconnect with that which I have always know to be in my heart....

My mission statement is inside my heart and my head for the moment, and I will get it out here soon. I just want to make sure that I have everything...from spirituality to health to financial. I am going to write it out this evening-can't tomorrow night because I will be going to hand out Christmas gifts to the Veterans in the VA Hospital in Georgetown, Ohio....

The Veteran's Hospital is such a nice facility, but it is also sad to see our Veterans left there. I think that this will be good for my heart to go and be with them, to say yet again, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE....just by giving a gift and a smile to warm their evening. THAT is the way I become like Jesus, I guess. It's just something that makes my heart feel warm inside...to know that I have given love to those who are far better than I could have ever been....especially those vets from Nam and Korea and WWII.

Before I take the Eucharist, I usually say this:
"Father, make me clean and worthy to take in the Body and Blood of your Son, Jesus Christ, so that I may become like Him in the world."

After Eucharist, I say this:
"Father thank you for making my worthy to receive Your Son, now show me, guide me, and help me become like Jesus Christ in the world."

And every time I leave after Mass, I say these words:
"Help me go and spread Your Love."

I guess that Father does work in the greatest of ways, because He finds ways for me to do the very thing that my heart usually desires.....now why did I EVER FORGET THAT!!!!



Amen, amen, I say to You...Thank you for not forsaking me....but forgive me for forsaking You

I do believe that I am not being totally honest with myself spiritually. Recently, I had a friend tell me that I am a witch, and I have helped in other ways on the other site with friends. I didn't do it intentionally, and I wasn't out to do any harm.

However, yet again I find myself searching for the spiritual answers to the questions I have been seeking. I don't know how much of what I believe is Christianity and what is Wicca. I do know that I am questioning Christianity a lot lately. I am not doubting the life, teachings and death of Jesus, but I am thinking that this path isn't exactly right for me...I am still having trouble with the single male Deity in my mind. I am also having trouble with a lot of things.

When I went to my last Mass two weeks ago, I couldn't hear what I needed to hear. I felt nothing in that church...no answers there. However, when I went to the Goddess and asked her, I found the answers I sought. I have been back and forth because I never want to make a mistake in my faith and spirituality.

I do believe I am a Witch and I believe that I am capable of doing things on that level...it's not about magick, it's about my spirituality and what I want to do with myself. I refuse to leave this in half measures. It is an all or nothing way for me to go...I can't fake it either, or make myself follow ways that I am always questioning as right.

Now, for Nej and all of my friends all over the net who love to read my poetry....I finally set up the site for my poetry. I have posted fifty of them so far, and the blog can be seen through here...http://dreamsofthebluerose.blogspot.com/ I will be posting all of my work in this blog, and move forward from there...it is best to start at the beginning and take your time through the rest...I am working everyday to pull all of my work from Live Journal, Myspace, and the other site here. I will post poetry on those sites too, but I just want everything consolidated in one spot for my convenience...lol

I don't think I got that job, and I didn't call because the holidays are so hectic, things may still change soon...besides, I have been working my backside off with my two jobs and my car is driving me insane!! I have gotten to rest a bit, but I have a feeling that all of the stresses of the past weeks have started to take their toll on me...I am just getting through everyday as best that I can and hoping to see some positive feedback sooner or later.

Moving out of my mother's house will probably be delayed for a month because of my car situation-although, there is a husband of one of the women I work with who will fix it for the price of the parts and a little extra-he understands that times are rough for everyone. He will probably get to fix it tomorrow. It needs a tune up first and foremost.

Now, I am off to post a few more poems....

No News As Of Yet....Keep Praying Though

No news about the job yet...however yesterday a lot of companies were off for Veteran's Day, so maybe they were too and my interviewer forgot about that...ah well, I have until tomorrow night, and if they don't call, then I may call them.

I have been praying for this since I went on the first interview and I have this feeling that things will be alright and they will go well.

After blogging Saturday, I went home and sat on the couch...the last thing I remember is hearing the National Anthem sung for Nascar...I woke up in the middle of Wheel of Fortune. I am so burnt out working all these days in a row, yet I am trying to keep a positive spin on things...I know that sooner or later this is going towards some wonderful things-my own home and my own space.

I moved into my brother's room Sunday, so now I have some privacy now. I am glad because it makes it easier for me to sit down with pen and paper and write...and for prayer and meditation on my Faith. I am thankful for that.

I have yet to tell the people on that one site about what I am and what I have decided spiritually. I will wait for a while, and hopefully one or two will ask me what it is that I have found that gives me peace...there are at least three people on that site that I know of who are truly deluding themselves on their faith ( I know this because of they way they write their blogs, and they way they refer to God first). I am not going to push the issue, and I am not really going to say anything straight out, I like the thought that they don't know and they can't fight apologetics with me on this (let's face it, there are some "Christian Wiccans" on that site that are about three steps away from Catholics in their beliefs-how hard would it be to tell them about what I know, and what would they think?)...The guy that I was supposed to be with is one of those people who started out life as a Catholic, and I believe that he is still with the Faithful in his heart even if his mind fights it...there is one other and she is the one I am most concerned with right now because she is going along two paths that aren't meant for her and they make no sense at all...she spends time contradicting herself (in matters of the heart and spiritually).

I have the night off...I am going to go find a Starbucks and indulge for a little while...or I may go to the Catholic Shop and find something good to occupy my mind for the remainder of the day...lol I will go to bed at a decent hour tonight, since I have a lot of praying to do tonight for myself and for others.

I have been on fire with my faith lately, and I am so glad that I am...it opens up my world even more, and gives me peace....a promise Jesus gave-His peace...
~Karol Lynn

p.s. I may change the title to this blog...but not just yet.

Smile

I think I am burnt out. I have not had a real day of in 14 days, so I believe that my attitude and patience went flying out the window today. Maybe I will take a nap when I get home, I need it bad.

I have been doing something new lately. I have been fantasizing about being in that new job (assuming that I get the second interview first, and the job second), and having a new home. Doing this helps lift my spirits while I am doing a job that is really starting the get on my nerves. I think about what it's going to be like, and what I am going to get to do...what I will need after we move my stuff in. I am getting very excited about the endless possibilities.

I wanted to say that I do love my mother and I am grateful and thankful that she has been there and has helped me, but sometimes I feel like she isn't doing it because she loves me, but because she feels obligated to and that she is trying to use me in this situation too. It makes me have mixed emotions about the whole thing, and I need to get out.

I like my second job, but I have a feeling that this job isn't for me, really. So, I am praying really hard for that second interview and praying that whatever Father wills, I will be able to handle whatever comes my way, and be grateful and thankful for it...although, the greedy side of me is hoping that I get the job. I will give more details on that as soon as I hear more.

I am trying to write as much as I can so that I keep in the habit of being on this blog. Sometimes finding things to write about can be a pain, but in my case, it is a great big help in keeping me from letting my emotions get bottled up.

This blog keeps me spiritually centered too. If I am thinking of good things to write about, it brings up my heart and I am able to smile for the rest of the day. I have things to say that make others happy too, and that's a good thing. What was that old saying from Steel Magnolias? "Smile, it increases your face value"? Dolly Parton said it, I believe...well, I guess my face is worth a fortune at this point....lol Now I have that old song "Get Happy" from the movie with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly called Summerstock (remember the tuxedo/black hose/top hat deal that Liza eventually made even MORE famous?) "Forget all your troubles, come on get happy"...I have no idea as to why this song is on my mind now.

I believe that I will sit down and find a great movie to watch tonight...popcorn and hot cocoa sound like a winner to me.....
~Karol Lynn

Job Interview

I went for a job interview today. It went very well.

My interviewer told me that when she saw my application, she "knew exactly where I should go within the company". It is a receptionist/cashier/technician type of job within this company...the pay is from $9-$11 an hour, and I would be able to work with people and by myself (she got this from the fact that I work in a dry cleaners during the day-a solitary job, and a restaurant at night-a job that requires people skills).

They will let me know if I come in for a second interview between Monday and Wednesday of next week...I did well today, let's pray that I can do well when I go back. Hopefully by December 1 I will have a new job and a new home all in one...wouldn't that be the best ending to this year.

Before and after my interview, I prayed and asked for prayers. I was amazed at how positive things went because I walked in the place and my first thought was that there was a chance that I wouldn't get the job. I prayed for Father's will in this and asked Him to show me how to handle this gracefully...whatever was to happen, would indeed happen and I would accept it as Father's plans for me. It looks like I will continue to pray for His will in this one. Hopefully others will help me in those prayers.

I do believe that my life is getting a lot smoother since I started coming back home to Him, and praying. Every where I turn there is evidence of Christ filled moments, and moments where I can fill the world with Christ without smothering the world...unless you are here...and I am sure that once things get back to normal for me, then I will tone down the Father and Jesus talk all of the time....lol

It was a funny day, I forgot that I didn't have pantyhose, and I couldn't find my shoes. I had to get dressed at my other job and then went shoe shopping-then it dawned on me that another "intimate garment" was missing from my wardrobe today and it is rather cold outside to be going around like that in a dress...I had to buy all three at the local Meijer store. I wonder what was running throught the cashier's mind as I paid for a pair of dress shoes, pantyhose, and another intimate item at once...that must have been some funny thoughts going through her mind......

~Karol Lynn